Misanthrope

i

Blurryface,

today we took finals. the little survey your teacher hands out to "help other students succeed in the future" and expect all flowers and sunshine. I mean, I wasn't disrespectful in what I said and I'm pretty sure my constant eye rolling got the message across before the stupid paper did.

the boy who confessed his "love" to me over social media actually spoke to me today. he said "hi" and I said "hey". he didn't look me in the eye.

he's a nice kid, don't get me wrong. he hasn't wronged me in anyway but he also hasn't spoke to me all but twice maybe. I just hate how he can so easily throw around his so called love and give out affection for a girl he doesn't know. I want to tell him. I want to tell him that he doesn't love me, he doesn't like me, he doesn't know me. that he, just like everyone else, does not and most definitely will not know the kind of person I am. I want to tell him that he doesn't like me, only the idea of me. I have "sass" and "edge" and can throw a punch, sure, but what more do they want from me? people are scared of me. fucking scared because I'm too scared to rely on someone else do I have to put of this god damn act when I just want to cute douchey boy to stop flirting with those girls and hug me like he hugged that random girl one morning. I want the sappy poetic guy from English to hold my hand and make bad jokes and recite poems to me under a tree. I want the cute boy in math to hold me on his lap and watch black and white movies with me and mess up brownie recipes. I want to know what love is.