Misanthrope

iii

blurryface,

I hate the word love.

four letters doesn't seem like enough to tell someone how you feel about them. how can the idea of complete and utter admiration fit into one word? when you'd rather try and see the stars in someone's eyes instead of just through your own. when you can call someone in the middle of the night because you had a bad dream and then fall back asleep smiling. how can the feeling you get when you end up giggling into your pillow at the memory of someone laughing and holding your waist and kissing your forehead just be "love"? how do I tell someone this with just "love"? if you try to tell someone that you see heaven in their eyes and you try and breathe in rhythm with their heart beat when they're sleeping and you can't sleep alone because every time you close your eyes all you can see if their face with that look in your eyes - the look that shows that you're the most beautiful person in the world and that you're adored, you're "loved" - and it can't compare to the real thing with matted hair and tangles limbs in a sleepy cavern of unwashed sheets. try and tell them that. they won't let you finish. because all they expect is "love" but what I want to tell you is so much more and I don't want you to run or cry or kiss me and say "i love you". I want to know that you feel it too. that I'm not a psychotic little girl with impossible expectations of happiness and feelings that are too deep to be reciprocated. I want you to tell me that you see me heart in the sun when you wake up and my mind in the moon before you sleep.

I love you.