dearest diary

Diary Entry 1

Saturday April 15th, 2023 9:37pm

Today wasn't terrible I guess. I've been doing a bit of worrying lately though.

I have a track meet on Monday, and I haven't practiced throwing shotput at all yet this season, so unless i practice tomorrow, I'm screwed.

Fuck track

sometimes I just want to quit.

Sometimes i just want to quit everything. 

it's just not worth it anymore.

The only reason I'm not quitting track is because of the fact that I'm not gonna do it next year, so i wanna do it one more time.

Softball hasn't been bad I guess.

our first game isn't until the 26th tho. 

I'm the only person that signed up to be catcher for my team, so that's great. Especially considering the fact we play double headers, so I'll have to catch for both games, and not get a break.

I had PSATs this week.

if you don't know what that is, it's a practice SAT, which is a test you have to take to be able to go to college.

The PSAT isn't that bad, kids over exaggerate about it.

sure, you have to sit in the same room for a few hours, but you're skipping class to take a test that doesn't even affect you grade, so.

I think i did okay on the test. The only part i know i did bad on it the math sections.

I'm pretty good at english, and i'm okay at math, but when it comes to math tests, i always freeze up and forget how to do everything, then over think about it.

it's whatever tho

like i said, the test doesn't affect ur grade, so even if i do bad, it doesn't really hurt me.

I got like a 946 or 942 on my psat in the fall, which is pretty good for my age.

Anyway, i'm bored of talking about tests.

School

school is so annoying, i swear its like everyday gets longer somehow.

or just the classes I dislike the most get longer.

School gets out June 7th this year, which is my mom's birthday.

Im excited for this summer.

My friend invited me to his birthday party in july, and we're going to an amusement park with a bunch of my other friends, I get to go to a volleyball camp, and im mega excited for that bc volleyball is my favorite sport. I also get to go on vacation to florida in July, but it's going to be really hot.

I will also have basketball camps this summer.

Something sad about this summer is that it may be one of the last summer's i'll spend with my oldest sister because she will be a senior next school year.

Hopefully I'll be able to spend some of next summer with her too.

No matter how much I tell people i dislike my sister, or how she's rude to me, I still love her. 

I'm going to miss her no matter what.

Sometimes I hate being the youngest.

I have to watch both of my sisters leave, while i'll be in school for two more years without them.

Sure, i'll have my friends, but i'll still be alone in the house with just my parents.

I hate thinking about it.

It's hard not to though.

Life is crazy.

honestly.

I always complain, but if I could back to when I was younger, and had the chance to change anything, I wouldn't.

I could never imagine my life being any different than it is now.

okay, lets move past some sad stuff.

I feel like that's all my writing is ever known for.

speaking of writing

I have two current books published on my account.

One is an actual story, and the other is a oneshot collection.

The story isn't bad, but sometimes I wish that I was better at coming up with chapters faster, because I'm behind on chapters.

I only have one pre-made chapter, and I wanted to publish two this weekend, but I can't do that unless I get more chapters written.

I'll have to work hard on that.

My oneshots, however, are easier to come up with.

Since the oneshots don't have to link together, I can come up with the most random storylines, and slap em on a page, and boom, oneshot.

I think that's why I update my oneshots so much more, and more often. It's just easier.

also, I've been trying to write more poems/

in english class, were in a section about poetry, and I think eventually we get to write our own poems. I'm super excited about that.

I love reading and writing poems. 

I find it therapeutic because I can put my feelings in a poem, and use words to describe how I'm feeling without even having to say anything.

I've been thinking of writing another poem/

Heres some ideas i've had;

A poem about flowers, for ex, a poem describing, let's say, a rose.

A poem about long lost love, or, a poem about unrequited love.

I especially want to do one about unrequited love, i think that would be good.

Who knows, maybe I'll post some of my poems here.

I think that's going to be it from me.

I wrote a lot in just a few minutes lol.

Thanks for reading, i appreciate knowing people are seeing how I'm feeling, and maybe they even understand.

I'll try t post some of my poems here.

~Jaylen {Author}