𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚕 𝙾𝚏 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙶𝚛𝚒𝚍

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎

~𝚈/𝙽~

One week ago I met Max Verstappen and, to my unpleasantry, got revealed as Lewis's goddaughter. Again by the man himself. I wouldn't have expected that the secret would get out so fast, even before I could start my internship. After some days I was very thankful for Verstappen and the people that stood nearby to not tell any one about this. I mean I would have expected to see my face on every single one of those trash magazines but there wasn't anything. It's probably because everyone has deep respect for THE  Lewis Hamilton and they are scared to mess up anything. They should know that nothing could happen to them but they still keep it a secret. So I am still a little kept secret, just with a handful more people knowing.

I keep thinking about the situation a week ago. I weren't even sure that I touched the Red Bull Driver but still apologised. I would have never expected to get yelled at and to be gripped like an abused child. Why would someone do something like that to a stranger? What is wrong with him?! The grip, that tightened minute after minute, was very painful. You can see it because of the handprint-bruise I got on that spot. It is still there.

I was so scared that I nearly forgot how to breath, a panic attack was definitely creeping up my spine. I was just on my way to find Lew, so he could give me my Paddock Pass for the day. I didn't wanted to sit in his trailer and wait for him any longer, so I went on my way. The slight touch I had with Verstappen was a big accident. As he started to grip and yell at me I was trying to run away but couldn't. I'm always shy in front of other people and try to get away from them, even when they are smiling and introducing themselves. But Verstappen was something else. I was so scared, I wanted to scream and run away because I was so overwhelmed. The slap was, at some point, a reflex.

I still saved him before Lewis's wrath, I don't know why I did it. It was probably because I felt sorry for him. Not only the wrath, that was a hell of a bit, but also the spark off insecurity and pain I could see in his eyes as I looked at them. With one second, one gaze, I could tell that he is a broken person. His anger is from his not worked up pain and maybe some trauma. Thank you to my empathy and my past me, who visited two semesters of psychology at University.

I just thought that he shouldn't get punched for this, what ever it was. I wanted to talk to him but, as always, I didn't found the courage to actually do it. I want to ask him why he feels the pain and insecurity he has. I want to make it go away because I heard good stories from Lewis and my brother about him. They told me that he has a big heart but a lot of anger issues. I feel sorry for how ever it build up.

"You will start with something Big." Tessa smiles brightly while walking next to me. Tessa is my mentor and guardian at the Official Formula One Marketing Team. Yea, I got a job at THE Official Marketing Team, which is incredible. Sure, it is just because of Lewis but it is still something. I didn't wanted to do an internship at all, even though I said that it is a big chance. I was scared of interacting with strangers but with Lewis within my reach and the world I know everything about as my daily topic, I am a little bit more confident.

It was hard to speak to Tessa at the start but now I can communicate with her normally. Sometimes I have good days and sometimes really really bad ones. At the good days I can go up to someone and just talk to them, on the bad days I can't even speak to a dear friend without getting sweating attacks. There were also times where I got panic attacks. Such a stupid thing I can't get rid off.

Lewis begged me one week to let him assign me to this job. I got more flowers, much more. I think Joshua, Felix and I never had a so nice smelling house. I also got new shoes and clothes, which were good for my budget but not for my anxiety. Lew knows about my panic attacks and the other shit, which is why he sat down with me and talked. He always does that when something important is up, he always drops everything he has to do and just talks with me. He really wanted me to apply to this job and fight my anxiety. We talked for four hours and afterwards the living room table was full of empty food containers and snack bags. I don't know how he could keep up with my eating. I eat a lot, which isn't a big thing because of my triathlon training and a good metabolism. He, on the other hand, is as fit as I am and always looses his weight in the races but isn't a big eater naturally, which is why I found it so confusing.