TW:Angst, internalized homophobia
Nancy is at home, in her room, laying on her bed, questioning herself: 'What the fuck is going on with me? I'm just lying to Robin for no reason!' But Nancy didn't want to admit that there was a reason: she liked Robin, in a romantic way. She just dosen't want to admit it to herself.
'That would be disgusting' she says to herself, 'I can't be ›one of them‹' When ever Robin crosses her mind, she tries to push it away as far as possible. But you can't lie to yourself. At least not without hurting yourself.
Nancy is going through all these terrible thoughts at once, when suddenly, her door is opend. It's Karen, Nancy's mum. „Hey! Got you some- ...," Karen starts to say when suddenly realising her daughter is laying on her bed, defenetly not fine. „Break...feast,... uh, are you okay, darling?" „Huh? Oh, yeah, totaly!" Nancy lies again. She dosen't knows how long she's going to pretend.
„Well, are you sure?" Karen asks. „Yes, mom. I'm fine." Nancy lies. "Okay..., are you hungry?" Karen asks. „No, not really. Mabey later." Nancy is finally telling the truth. „Alright, I'm going to put this here okay?" Karen pust the plate, with a toast and a fried egg on a table, and leaves. Nancy sighs. She dosen't know what this is, or where it's coming from. Then Robin comes to her mind. Nancy just let's it happen, since she can't stop it.
She thinks of her dark blond ,short, a little wavy hair. Her blue eyes. Her pretty, oh so kissable face. Nancy dosen't want to acknowledge that she has a crush. On Robin. A girl. As a girl. She wished she could just ›stop‹. Just stop having these feelings. Just stop thinkig about her. Just, go back to normal. Back to how it was. Why is this happening? Why can't she just be fucking normal?
Nancy tears up. And she let's it happen. She has no energy for holding back tears, or stop thinkig about Robin, or anything. She just cries. „Why is this happening?", She says to herself, between sobs. „I just want to-", she quietens. „...to be normal."
After a hour or so, Nancy stands up. She looks like shit. And she feels like shit too. She looks at the plate with the breakfast, but still dosen't feel hungry. She goes in the bathroom. And hears her mom say: „I think she's going through a break up. Like she's not coming out of her room, and she dosen't want to eat. Things like that." „Did she have a boyfriend?" Her dad asks. „Not that I'm aware of." Her mom replies. Then they notice Nancy watching. „Hey, sweety. Are you okay?" Her mom questions. „Yes" Nancy replies. But her mom sees she'd been crying.
„Did you eat your food?"
„No. Still not hungry."
„Are you sick?"
„Mabey, I don't know."
They both know that Nancy isn't physically sick. But Nancy dosen't want to talk about it. I mean, she dose. She just dosen't want to talk about it with her parents. Her mom clearly dosen't know what to say. So after a moment of silence, Nancy goes back to her room.
She has no idea what to do. Should she tell Robin? But what would she say? Like, Nancy could handle rejection. But she couldn't handle if Robin would tell everyone about... Nancy liking girls. Nancy admited it. She likes girls. She dosen't know she likes girls only. But is there another possibility? Nancy dosen't know.
Then for some reason she calls Robin. As soon as she does, she regrets it. 'why did I do that' she thinks. But then it's too late Robin picks up.
Notes:
Ok wow big cliffhanger! Sorry about that. (Not really 😅)
Have a good day/night ❤️
