Chain Me

Out Again

     Finally, thankfully, my cast is gone and my leg is getting much needed fresh air. It's only been three days but I can walk with only minimal pain, mostly cramps, and my ribs are better, too. Any bruises or cuts I received in the accident are gone and I feel a million times better. Honestly, that serum should be made commercially available.
     Lost has been an angel throughout my recovery. She's cooked for me, prepared my baths, and helped me around even when it wasn't necessary. She attempted to dress and shower me the first night but I shut that down immediately. It's bad enough I have unresolved feelings about her. I didn't want her to see me naked and vulnerable, too.
     Fresh out of the shower and dressed, I wobble to the kitchen for breakfast, but swerve to the living room to relax my leg. There's a cramp in my calf starting and I don't want to make it worse.
     "May I?" Lost asks, suddenly kneeling before me. It's scary when she does that, appears somewhere like a magician, and I always jump or gasp.
     I did both just now. "Yeah..." I mumble, not sure what she wants to do.
     Handing me a glass of water I didn't know she brought, she says, "Drink this," then picks up my cramping leg and places my ankle on her knee. "Water is good for combating cramps," she says as she carefully begins to massage my calf. "As are bananas. I can make you banana pancakes if you like them."
     I sip at my water as I watch Lost push my pajama pant leg up to my thigh to better get at my full calf. I haven't been wearing anything other than pajamas to make things easier for myself and I'm glad. Lost has the magic touch.
     "No, that's okay," I tell her, putting the glass of water on the coffee table. I relax into the couch cushions and my head falls back. "I'll eat whatever you've already made." When we first met I never would have thought she'd touch me this way, but now it's not a surprise. She's been doing things like this more often than I'd like to admit.
     "Are you sure?"
     "Yeah," I moan as she hits a sensitive spot and I shut my eyes in contentment. My cramp is already gone but I don't want her to stop.
     But she does, at least for a second. Then she continues again. "I'm glad you can walk again."
     "Tired of lugging me around?"
     "...Never."
     I open my eyes and look at Lost, but she's turned her head from me. She stops her ministrations on my calf and stands. "I'll bring you your breakfast."
     A get a glimpse of her eyes as she glances at me before turning to the kitchen, and I find them glowing softly. My stomach tightens and that damned dream of mine flashes in my head. Lost falters in her steps, a barely audible growl coming from her, and I bite my lip. She's feeling what I'm feeling.
     "My breakfast?" I ask, calming my body down. This is not the time to let myself act like a stupid hormonal teenager.
     Lost shivers then fetches me a plate. She brings it to me along with a tall glass of apple juice, my favorite, then stands back and watches me, waiting. I've gotten used to being waited on by her like that but I know it'll stop soon now that I'm getting better. Or maybe it won't. She was always willing to be by my side 24/7 but I wouldn't let her. I was never the type to need someone. I was always independent, even as a kid. That's probably why I worked so well at the Facility.
     "I'll get it," Lost says suddenly. She zooms off towards my room, leaving me to eat and wonder what she's going to get. It's only a second later that she returns with my cell, the sleek machine vibrating and singing for my attention. I chew the food in my mouth quickly and swallow as I take the cell from Lost's offered hand.
     "Hello?" I ask, a little hoarse from swallowing without chewing enough.
     As I take a cool gulp from my juice, the General says, "You took the serum. Are you at your best yet?"
     That was straight to the point. "Almost," I tell him. "By tomorrow I should be able to do anything you can."
     "Perfect. There's an issue that needs to be dealt with by the end of the week. Overseas. Bring your passports, just in case. It's another collaboration with Cas and Mariam."
     "What is it?"
     "I've sent Mariam the file. You really need a fax machine." And with that he hangs up. I frown at my phone then throw it on the couch cushion beside me. Apparently I need to get a fax machine. At least if I get one I won't have to keep going down to the Facility to get paperwork.
     "We need to go to Mariam's," I tell Lost, beginning to eat again.
     "I'll go," she says. "You shouldn't be up and about yet."
     I don't know about that. Cas might get the wrong idea. Her and Lost haven't gotten into an argument for a while, but they're easily irritated by one another. Though they have gotten a little bit friendlier thanks to Emma. That girl has a gift when it comes to talking to troubled super women.
     "I'm fine," I eventually say, still eating. "I just had a cramp earlier, is all. You don't need to baby me anymore."
     "There's no shame in being cared for while you're weak."
     "I'm not weak," I grumble, placing my half empty plate on the coffee table.
     "You most definitely aren't," she agrees. "But everyone has weaknesses and weak moments. It doesn't mean we're less than."
     I stand and wobble a little thanks to my still healing leg, and push away Lost's helping hands childishly. "Oh yeah?" I challenge. "Admit you're weak. Tell me your weaknesses."
     Lost's lips thin and she looks practically offended, or perhaps confused. I shift my weight to my good leg and almost apologize, but I want to hear Lost's answer. It was ridiculous of me to snap at her like that, I know it, but I don't like being weak. At least I don't like when it's pointed out.
     "I am weak," Lost says softly, her eyes falling to the floor. "Many things make me weak, and you are my ultimate weakness."
     The silence that follows the confession is deafening. Lips parting the barest, I stare at Lost, unsure how to respond to that. Yes, I knew that I was her weakness, it's obvious, but to hear her admit to it is... something else. She's not even ashamed of it, either.
     "But that does not mean I am not strong," she continues, her voice a little harder. "I am fearful and also fearless. I am everything you are, everything we all are. We are all capable of extreme acts of cowardice as well as bravery. Being weak is not a bad thing. Being weak does not lessen your strength."
     This is the first time I've heard Lost speak this way, with such passion. She obviously has a lot of thoughts when it comes to the human condition. She's had centuries to gather her data on it.
     "I don't mean to speak out of turn," she mumbles, shuffling her feet.
     "No, no," I'm quick to say. "I want you to speak your mind like that more often. That was... beautiful. Thank you." I hold out my arm and wiggle my fingers. "Take me to Mariam's?"
     Lost tucks herself under my arm and puts a hand on my waist to steady me. She's polite about it and doesn't try to carry me, allowing me the opportunity to walk without putting too much weight on my leg. It's great, actually. No stress. But having her so close to me makes my cheeks feel warm. Her proximity always does, but since the car accident she hasn't attempted to kiss me again or touch me in a sexual way. Yes, she touches me, but it's always proper and with the intent to help. Like now, she's holding my waist but firmly and to keep me steady. It's actually quite polite. Does she get warm as I do, though?
     I knock on Cas and Mariam's apartment door and wait, nudging Lost away so no one gets the wrong idea. She takes it in stride and sticks her hands in her pockets.
     A second the later the door swings open to show Cas already walking away from it. "Mariam's in the living room," she says, waving her hand over her shoulder. Then she disappears down the hall.
     I enter the apartment then close the door when Lost is in, too. We make our way to the living room and find Mariam sitting on a leather recliner, her legs crossed at the knee, a blue file open on her thigh.
     "Don't think twice about Cas," she says, rubbing her left eye under her glasses. "Emma just finished exams so they're finally spending some time together without having to study."
     "She's briefed?" I ask, masking a wobble by flopping down on a two person couch before Mariam's recliner.
     "Yes." She closes the file and leans all the way forward to pass it to me. "You really should get a fax machine."
     "So I've been told," I drawl as I open the file. I feel Lost stand beside the couch, right behind me, and I move my head to let her see. What I read takes me by surprise. "War zone?" I balk, my eyes moving faster. "Retrieval?"
     "Mm yes," Mariam hums. "Always fun."
     I glance up at her. "This is extremely dangerous."
     "Welcome to the field."
     "We're expected to go too?" I ask, meaning her and I, the unmodified caretakers. "We have no training for this."
     "No, we don't," Mariam agrees. "But we're only there for support, and to make sure nothing gets out of hand. Don't worry, I've done this before."
     "And?"
     "And clearly I came out of it okay. Lost and Cas will go in while we communicate with them through earbuds. We won't even have to step on foreign soil if we don't want to."
     Well, that doesn't sound so bad. But that means Lost and Cas will be taking all the risk. Though that's their job, it seems unfair. "When do you want to go?"
     Mariam adjusts her glasses. "As soon as possible. Strike teams are already briefed and waiting for us. Whenever you're ready."
     I sigh and shut the file. "I won't be at my best until tomorrow night at the latest."
     Mariam holds out her hand and I pass back the file. "We can leave during the night if you're comfortable with that. We'll be there by morning and have the job done the same day. Breakfast will be had back in the states if we fly back right after."
     "You've already thought a lot on this."
     Mariam chuckles. "I've had the file for about an hour now. Besides, I was a government nerd before the whole Cas thing. It was my job to make plans."
     "At least one of us is on the ball," I mumble. My job was to make assessments after the fact. Mariam's vastly more suited for this than I am.
     "You just need to find your groove," Mariam says, her shoulders rising and falling the barest. "You were a Watcher. Do what Watchers do and watch. I know that doesn't seem useful right now but it's what you're good at. I can make plans but you can profile people. If you were around for some of my earlier missions I swear they would have gone better."
     "Thanks."
     "I'm serious," she goes on. "Just watch. Your profiling skills are gonna save our butts one day."
     I chuckle and pick myself up off the couch, pretending I don't feel Lost's probing fingers on my back, helping. "Something bad has to happen first. Remember that."
     "Oh, I will." Mariam stands, too. "So tomorrow night?"
     "Tomorrow night," I confirm. Then Mariam nods and walks Lost and I to the front door. Lost is the first one out, waiting out in the hall for me.
     "I wish Cas was that well behaved," Mariam comments as I join Lost out in the hall. "You're so polite, Lost. It's a nice change."
     "Thank you," Lost says, smiling softly. "It's second nature now."
     "You like to fly under the radar, don't you?"
     Lost gives a one shouldered shrug. "It keeps me safe."
     "No one's going to hurt you here. Don't be afraid to come out of your shell."
     When Lost only blinks at her, Mariam gives her awkward goodbyes then shuts the door. I shake my head then turn and go back to our apartment. I need to pack a go bag and get a few things ready before tomorrow night.