Chain Me

It Feels Like the First Time

     Yawning, I sit up, pushing on Lost's stomach to do it. I fell asleep with her on the couch and ended up curled half way on top of her. I'd say I was sorry about putting her in an uncomfortable pose, but I'm really not. She felt so good under me and the rise and fall of her stomach as she breathed sent me into the deepest slumber. Though the position we were in was not good for my back. My side aches a little and there's a kink in my neck.
     "Morning," Lost husks, startling me. Her eyes are still closed.
     "Morning," I groan back at her.
     She cracks open an eye and studies me. "We cannot sleep like that again," she says. "It makes you ache. Perhaps a bed next time?"
     The sly invitation has my eyebrows raised, and I'm a little impressed. But honestly I think I'm trying to find things where there aren't any. "We'll see," I chuckle as I stand.
     Lost lifts herself to a proper seating position and stretches her arms above her head. "What are we doing today?"
     "I have nothing planned." I do need to call the General, though, and inform him that Lost is ready for the field again. She might even be a bit more emotionally stable, too, thanks to last night.
     "We could hang out," Lost suggests.
     I smirk at her. "Are you asking?"
     She shrugs and picks at the couch cushions. "I want it."
     "That's the first time you've asked for something without trying to adhere to me. That's good. I'm proud."
     Lost smiles sheepishly. "There's a thrill in it."
     "I bet," I laugh. Lost is cute when she's breaking the 'rules.' "Maybe we can hang out today. All day." The General can wait a little while.
     The grin that splits Lost's face says as much.

     Lost and I end up spending the whole day just... hanging out. There aren't any weird instances of her bending over backwards to please me and it's nice. She tried to make me comfortable at all times but she wasn't trying too hard. It was actually fun to go out with her and not have to worry that she'd flip out over something minuscule.
     "This food is difficult," Lost grumbles. She's attempting to eat an overly large burger, the buns incapable of keeping the insides where they're supposed to be. Things keep falling to the sidewalk. "Why has society demanded this?"
     I laugh and hand Lost a napkin. "We're American. We like our foods sloppy and fatty. It's good though, huh?"
     "Yes," she admits, then takes another bite, sending mayonnaise and ketchup covered lettuce to the sidewalk along with a tomato slice.
     We walk together, side by side, and eat in silence. Lost makes a trail behind us with bits of her burger insides and I wonder how much of it she's actually eating. I bought a hotdog but I already finished it so all I have to do is watch her try to finish her meal.
     "Are we heading home?" Lost asks. She sucks a pickle into her mouth and smiles at me, her chin a condiment graveyard.
     "You're a mess," I chuckle, slapping a napkin on her chin, only to have it stick there. "And yeah, it's pretty late."
     She wipes her chin then crumples the dirty napkin in her hand. "We should have turned just there, then."
     "Whoops." We backtrack and take the correct turn to head back to our apartment building. Lost finally finishes her burger halfway home and she wipes her mouth with the napkin I gave her that she hadn't used.
     "Tonight was fun," she tells me as she shoves the dirty napkins in her pocket.
     "Yeah, it was," I agree. "We should do it again sometime."
     Lost hums and drifts nearer to me as we walk on. It's subtle but I wiggle my fingers, nervous. I want to hold Lost's hand but I haven't yet initiated that kind of contact before. Usually she's the one to do it. I breathe out slowly then shut my eyes and push myself into Lost's side and grab her hand. She grunts in surprise and squeezes my hand as I grasp her forearm with my free one.
     "That was a unique display," she chuckles when I look up at her. Light has started to show in her dark eyes.
     "I admit it could have been executed with a little more grace." But results are results. Lost's fingers are locked with mine and I'm pressed up against her, fully enjoying it. I lay my head on her shoulder and bite my lip. If I hadn't stopped myself from feeling my crush on Lost, I could have been doing this and a lot more much sooner.
     We walk slower to fully enjoy the night, and I'm saddened when our building comes into view. Lost seems to feel the same way because she deflates and her arm hardens under my palm. It's impressive, how muscular she is, and my face heats as I think about running my hands selfishly over the rest of her.
     Lost growls and misses a step, her shoulders rolling. She gathers herself quickly then clears her throat, focusing straight forward. I know I'm causing her to act that way but now that I know she feels that way on her own sometimes I can't help but want to know what she fantasizes about.
     "Here we are," she breathes as she opens the door to the apartment building for me. She sounds like she's holding herself back.
     I smirk, cheeks hot and make my way to the elevator. It's stopped on the second floor, someone probably entering or exiting it, so I use the extra time to continue my earlier train of thought.
     Does Lost have a repetitive wet dream like I do? Does she have wet dreams about me at all? If she does, I wonder what her sleeping mind comes up with. Does she ever imagine herself on top and in charge, or does her history keep her constantly in a submissive state? I always imagine her on top since that's what I like most, but how would she like that?
     The elevator dings and Lost and I step inside the small space. She leans on the wall furthest from me and takes slow deep breaths, her hands clenching and unclenching. My thoughts are obviously having a huge impact on her.
     "Has the General called?" she asks, her voice deep.
I stop imagining her finding a new craving for dominance and focus on the here and now. "No. Why?"
     She gulps and grips the safety bar at her side. "I... need to release some energy soon."
     Oh. That could be troublesome. Lost always gets aggressive in this state, and she's harder to keep stable. "I have to call him, anyway. I'll see what I can do."
     Lost nods, then exhales in relief when we reach our floor and the elevator doors slide open. She rushes out and I notice the safety bar has a distinct imprint in it now.
     I'm quick to follow, practically jogging to catch up. Lost is already inside the apartment by the time I reach the door, except I'm the one with the key.
     "Lost?" I call out. The door was pried open.
     The refrigerator door slams shut and Lost shows herself to me, her eyes bright, a water bottle in her hand. "I'm sorry," she apologizes. She chugs half the water bottle quicker than I thought possible then shuts her eyes and leans her head back. "I need a calming space. Can I go for a run?"
     I take a step forward but Lost takes a step back. "Are you going to hurt someone?"
     She drops her head and shakes it, her eyes still closed. "No. I just... I need to get rid of this energy. Please."
     "Yeah, yeah, okay." I hold my hand out to try to soothe her, but Lost takes another step away from me. "What's the matter?"
     She opens her eyes, showing off irises like suns. "You smell so good."
     My gut twists, but I'm not afraid. Not wanting Lost to get loose, I shut the front door and lean my back on it. I'll take care of the broken lock tomorrow. "Uh, thanks..." I chuckle nervously. "How about you-"
     In an instant Lost is directly in front of me, her arm under mine, grasping the doorknob, forcing me up against the door. "I need to leave," she rumbles dangerously.
     I gulp but hold my position. "You're not going to hurt anyone. Stay here and burn out your energy here."
     She growls deep in her throat and places her free hand oh so delicately beside my head. "You already denied me." Her voice is unsteady, and I notice that her whole body is shaking. "Please let me leave."
     "No," I say firmly. There's no way I'm going to let her run wild in the state she's in. "I'm not risking it."
     Lost's head drops and she whines softly. "I can't take it anymore..."
     "What? What can't you take?" Maybe if I get her to talk she'll calm. Maybe she'll forget this anger.
     "You've let yourself feel this way so often," she groans, sniffing. "It makes me insane. You mustn't do this to me. I can't handle not being able to give you what you want."
     "What do you mean?"
     Lost exhales long and low, lifting her head so that her breath trails over my neck. I shiver and turn my head as her mouth stops by my ear. "You think things that make you aroused," she whispers sultrily. Her body drifts forward to brush against mine, and I squeak, my skin burning. "Yet you wouldn't let me kiss you. I must not be good enough for you, and I'm utterly sorry about that, but you need satisfaction. When you can't find it, I get..." She growls into my ear, the sound of her tongue moistening her lips deafening.
     I swallow hard, thinking, God, you're good enough. You can satisfy me... But then it hits me that all those times that Lost needed to purge herself of excess energy wasn't some kind of otherworldly inability to maintain stable emotions. She was horny.
     "I'm the reason you're always on edge," I think aloud, turning my head to look Lost in the eye, putting us nose to nose. I knew Lost felt what I did, but, damn, I didn't think her irritation was my fault. I assumed her arousal went away with mine.
     Lost tilts her head, bumping my nose with hers, and hovers her mouth over mine. "My kind was meant to please, in all aspects. It causes us to become what we are without anothers stability if we do not give. I apologize for not telling you sooner, but I didn't think you'd approve of my sexual nature."
     Oh, I approve. But now I only wonder what will happen if I give in to my desires. It will definitely change our relationship, but how will Lost react? She obviously takes things this massive extremely seriously.
     "You won't let me leave. But can you?" she begs. Her lips ghost over mine, shivering. "Please? I can't last much longer."
     I actually consider it, but Lost is so damned close, so damned warm, so damned sexy, and if I just rock... forward... a tiny... bit...
     Groaning desperately, I grab the sides of Lost's face and press my lips to hers. She stiffens in surprise, but then loosens and grabs my hips to push me flat against the door. I moan into her mouth as her body is shoved flush against me, her hands roaming up and down my sides.
     Lost dips her head to kiss my chin, lick my neck, and I hold fast to her shoulders, my head spinning. I haven't gone this far with anyone in so long. Lost's mouth on my skin is heavenly, her muscles rippling under my palms fantastic, her hands running up my thighs making me breathe heavy. Can I really go through with this, though? Lost and I will never have a professional relationship again. We might have to be secretive, might have to hide from everyone. We'll have to be extra careful so word doesn't get around to the General. Who knows what he might do if he finds out I want Lost this way. He might attempt to separate us, or something worse. Maybe I should stop all this, maybe... maybe...
     I wrap my leg around one of Lost's, wanting more, and I cry softly when she grinds against me. God, she feels damned good. There's no way I'm going to stop.
     Teeth graze along my collar bone and firm hands grasp the backs of my thighs. I'm lifted with ease, my legs instinctively wrapping around Lost's waist, and I tilt her head back to take her bottom lip into my mouth. She whimpers, her body beginning to shake again.
     "Jy proe soos alles pure in hierdie wêreld," she wobbles out when I've let her lip go.
     My heavy exhales wash over her face, but she doesn't seem to mind in the least. "What?"
     "You taste pure. Tell me what I have to do to taste more of you. Tell me what to do..."
     I squeeze Lost's waist and rub against her selfishly. "You can do anything you want to me."
     She licks her lips nervously. "That's what you want?"
     Leaning back slightly, I get a better look at how truly nervous Lost is. "Are you okay?" I wonder if I did something wrong and drop my legs to the floor, leaving my arms around her neck.
     Her feet shift. "You... You're not like the others."
     A moment of jealous rage hits my gut, and I want to know how many others, but I let it slide and ask, "What do you mean?"
     "You taste of innocence rather than authority." She licks her top lip. "I've always been directed. I am... insecure on my own."
     That's definitely new to me. Once or twice in my formative years I've had insecure boys and girls not wanting to touch me because they've never had sex before at all, but not once have I had an experienced partner be insecure about their sexuality as a result of not ever having it in their own hands. It sounds horrific.
     I pull my arms away from Lost. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"
     "In this moment, yes. But if you tell me what to do..."
     "What do you want to do?" I very well can tell Lost what to do to me, but her mentality can become problematic in the future. I've helped her become more independent in her normal life, so why not in bed? Besides, her entire person is under her own control, so I'm not going to make demands in the most intimate of situations. She needs to know that what she wants and doesn't want matters, too.
     Lost groans softly in dismay. "I don't know."
     "Sure you do," I encourage. "Just tell me what it is." I have no problem being patient with her as she figures out what she wants and likes sexually. It makes me feel like I'm her first, and, to be honest, I kind of like it. I thought we'd go at it our first time together, but this is sweeter and makes me seem less like a superior taking advantage of her position. This way I'll know for sure that Lost is enjoying what's happening and that she wants it as much as I do.
     Leaning in toward me again, Lost gulps. "Can I kiss you?"
     I smile and nod. "Yes."
     She's tentative, but she presses her lips to mine, moving them slowly. It's kind and gentle, and she pulls back a second later. "Was that okay?"
     It's like I'm back in high school. "That was good. What else do you want to do?"
     "I, uh..."
     "We can stop, too," I assure her. "That's always an option."
     "I don't want to stop," she babbles. Her eyes shift rapidly, then she places an apprehensive hand on my hip and pulls me close. "I want... I want to take you to bed. Can I do that?"
     Now we're getting somewhere. "Definitely."
     Eyes shining, Lost gingerly takes my hand and walks me to the hall that leads to our bedrooms. She pauses, looking between her room and mine, then chooses mine. It gets me curious as to why she picked my room but I don't ask as she shuts the bedroom door behind us and kicks off her shoes. I follow her lead and kick off mine, too. She wets her lips then swaggers up to me, leading my body to the bed with her own. My heart pounds a beat faster when she lays me down on my back and crawls up on the bed with me.
     "Is this okay?" she asks anxiously, hesitating near my feet.
     I hum in approval and my feet spread of their own accord. Lost stares at my legs, lips parted, then runs a hand up my calf and to my thigh. She does the same with my other leg and her other hand, then moves forward on her knees to settle between my legs. Her hands slither up the tops of my thighs and I lift my hips as she reaches my belly.
     "This is fine?" she whispers, looking up at me. Her fingertips poke under the hem of my shirt and she rocks forward to grind against me.
     I moan and wrestle to get my pillows out from under me. Some people like the cushion, but I like being level. "Yes, yes," I say quickly, throwing my last pillow off the bed.
     Lost follows the pillow's arc with her eyes, completely enthralled. I'm about to ask if I've lost her but then she places her hands on my knees and spreads my legs further, surprising me. She leans down and plants her hands at my sides before kissing me hotly, a growl in her throat vibrating my lips.
     Her hips roll into me and I gasp into her mouth. "This is good?" she asks, moving her kisses to my neck.
     "Mm mhm." Lower lip between my teeth, I rake my hands down Lost's back. Her muscles ripple and her teeth sink into the base of my neck, making me hiss. Immediately Lost apologizes and tries to sit up but I hold to the back of her head and whisper, "No, no," begging, hooking my legs behind her thighs to make sure she gets the message.
     Lost stays where she is, then bites me again, testing. I moan for her and she sticks her warm hands to my sides and picks up my shirt to come in contact with bare skin. "Does this feel okay?" She slides her hands up my shirt and rubs me over my bra. Her body slithers down a bit and her mouth finds my ribs, her hands shoving underneath my bra.
     "Oh..." I groan, nipples getting hard. "Yes..."
     Lost nips at my belly, making me shiver, then tugs up at my shirt. I lift to let her take it off me, and fall back onto the bed, bra-less. Damn, Lost works fast.
     Gooseflesh springs up all over my skin as Lost sucks a nipple into her mouth and massages the other. She rocks against me and I tighten my legs, rubbing myself against her roughly.
     I pull at her shirt impatiently when she releases me from her mouth and practically tear the thing off her. She sits up on her knees to snap off her bra, then shifts her weight, letting me take her in.
     Her scars are nastier up close, but I don't find myself turned off by them. I'm saddened that she had to go through all those horrendous moments to get each discoloration, but I'm proud, too, that she survived it all and kept her good heart. Not everyone is that strong, that brave.
     I reach down between my legs and touch Lost's stomach, splaying my fingers over her scars. Not all of them can be felt.
"Do you want me to put my shirt back on?"
     Looking into her eyes, I say, firmly, "No." I don't care about the blemishes. I want her.
     Lost leans down and kisses my lower stomach long and slow. The button of my jeans pops and the zipper slides down, then Lost pulls down my pants an inch. "May I?"
     I lift my hips as an answer, delighted when Lost yanks my jeans down my legs. She tosses them to the floor then wriggles down the bed. Her mouth attaches to my right thigh and I gaze down at her. God, my dream is coming true.
     "Do you like this?" she asks, switching thighs. A hand plays with my underwear tantalizingly.
     Mussing her hair with both hands, I moan, my skin on fire. The only thing running through my mind is more, more, more. I want my underwear gone. I want Lost's mouth between my legs. I want more.
     Lost continues to tease me- kissing and licking and nibbling at my thighs, so close to where I really want her- making me groan in frustration. I understand that she's insecure about all this, but come on!
     "Do you like this?" she asks again.
     That tiny monster that never fails to show when I'm sexually frustrated rears its ugly head and I lean down to grasp the sides of Lost's face. I bring her halfway up my body and stare her right in the eye. "I like it. I really like it, okay?" Still holding her face with one hand, I use the other to reach down between us and fiddle with her jeans. "I get that you want to make sure I'm enjoying this, but I can only take so much of it." Her jeans hang open and I slip my hand past her underwear just enough to feel how wet she is and make her buck for me. "I want you and I want you now. I promise, I promise, I'll tell you if I don't like something. Just have your way with me already, will you?"
     Lost gapes at me, unblinking. Then, with the most gut clenching look of lust on her face, she dips down and pushes aside my underwear. I throw my head back and moan with a grin on my face as she takes her first taste of me. My legs are held open, my thighs trembling, and I stick my fingers in my mouth to taste what I can of Lost. I moan and groan, twisting and turning, loving Lost's expert tongue. She has absolutely no reason to be insecure about her skill.
     A firm hand pushes on my lower stomach to keep me still and I grasp at the bedsheets when I feel long, slim fingers slip into me.
     "Ah, God," I cry out, my back arching. I tug at Lost's hair and motion for her to get on top of me, wanting her weight on me. She does, but attempts to pull her fingers out of me. Quickly I grab her wrist and keep her still, rising to take her into me as far as possible. She growls deep then pumps into me, shoving her face into my neck. My breath comes rapid and my stomach tightens. Of all the ways I thought about getting back into the scene, this is by far the best way it could happen.
     Lost hits my sweet spot, and I claw into her back, a high pitched moan coming from me. Her hot breath spreads over my chest and she dips her head, but I lift her chin with one hand and make her look at me, then I use my free hand to reach between us and shove into her underwear. Her eyes widen and her fingers in me become erratic, but I trap her with my legs and hold her chin tighter. The way she whimpers for me is nothing less than fantastic.
     "You... You..." she wobbles out, her eyes darting downward. She freezes her whole body and she slides halfway out of me. She looks scared.
     I still my hand in her pants. "Do you want me to stop?"
     After a moment of thinking, she shakes her head, then shoves her fingers back inside me, making me squeal. "No."
     Panting, I try to give her as much satisfaction as I'm getting, but I'm so close to the edge that my movements are sloppy. Not that that seems to bother her. Her groans of pleasure only bring me closer and closer to the brink.
     I pull Lost in for a kiss, all teeth and tongue and hot exhalations. Dizziness takes over and I clench as Lost mumbles something in a language I've never heard. I cry out, much louder than I intended, feeling excited and spent and tingly all at once.
     Lost jerks against my hand a last time before dropping her head and trying to catch her breath. I take my hand from her pants a moment before she slides out of me, and I swallow hard. I don't think I've ever come like that before. I sure as hell have never come from penetration alone. Lost clearly has a lot of experience in female pleasure.
     I hug her close before she can roll off of me and enjoy her weight on me for a minute longer. She holds herself up with shaky arms so I turn us onto our side, giving her a peck on the cheek.
     "Sorry I didn't take your pants off," I chuckle breathlessly. Her jeans still hang open and are hanging off her, useless. Her underwear are in full view for me.
     "I don't care," she purrs. Literally. She purrs for me, the vibrations tickling my bones. "You seemed to enjoy it."
     Humming, I don't bother bringing up the purring. I'm not surprised anymore at the things Lost can do. "Did you?"
     "More than I've enjoyed anything." She shifts to get more comfortable and lays her head on her upper arm. "I've never done that without direction. You did like it, right?"
     "Believe me," I drawl, smiling. "I liked it. Besides, you felt it right?"
     "I did, but I want to be absolutely certain."
     "Don't worry. I'm a big girl. If I don't like something I'll say so."
     That appeases Lost, and she sighs in contentment. "Okay."
     "You tell me if you don't like something, too, okay?" I tell her, remembering how she froze when I stuck my hand in her pants.
     "I will try. But I liked every moment of tonight," she says quickly. "There were a lot of surprises but I liked them."
I scoot closer to her and caress her face. "Are you sure? You stopped for a minute in the middle."
     Her eyes shut slowly in peace, and she nods. "I'm sure. I was only shocked."
     "Why?"
     "I don't get touched that way."
     "What do you mean?"
     "I please, so I don't need to be pleasured. No one thinks to touch me that way because it's not necessary."
     I lift up onto my elbow. "You have every right to enjoy sex. You know that, right?"
     "I do enjoy it, I just don't receive. It's something I've gotten used to."
     "Well that stops now. You deserve a part of the act as much as I am."
     Lost perks up, her eyes sparkling. "We're going to do it again?"
     I chuckle, both amused and nervous. Doing it again is something I'd thoroughly enjoy, but now how do we navigate our relationship? We've gone too far to pretend to be anything other than lovers and I don't think we can pretend to be friendly coworkers. I've already told Lost to be herself and do what she wants, be more independent. I can't retract that and make her be distant from me for the sake of reputation.
But you know what? Who cares? What we do in the privacy of our own home is no one elses business. Blame the mind blowing, well overdue orgasm, but I want to continue what we have. I want to see where it goes.
     "Yes," I finally say, carefree. "We're going to do it again."