Chain Me

Sunshine and Scissors

     Today's the day- the big move. Of course I don't actually have anything to take with me to my new home but I'm helping Kahlan with her things. It's the first time I've ever been in her space and it's thrilling for me. Her room is much more cozy than mine, and I get a glimpse of everything I can while I tape full boxes shut and carry them outside to the hall to Cas, who glowers at me as she takes the boxes away to be put in our transportation.
     "You'll have a complete wardrobe at the apartment," Kahlan says conversationally as she folds up the last of her clothes and packs them away. There's not much left behind, only toiletries and knickknacks. "The General said everything should fit perfectly. We have your measurements so I'm sure he's telling the truth. I can't say anything about the style, though." She leans back on her heels and motions for me to tape up the box. As I do, she says, "We can buy you new things if you don't like what we have for you."
     I lift the box and smile. "I'll wear anything." The box goes out into the hall to wait for Cas to come retrieve it, then I return to Kahlan's side. "Unless you prefer a certain style."
     "It doesn't matter what I prefer," she mumbles, gathering her makeup and lotions and things. "You wear what you like, Lost."
     My head tips to the side and I muse on that. My appearance has always been a reflection of what my mistress likes to have at her side. I've never been able to choose my own style. "I'll do with anything given to me," I finally say as Kahlan sweeps the last of her things into the last box. She keeps it open and walks out of the room with it, jerking her chin for me to follow.
     "Well," she says, hitching the box under her arm and holding it up with her thigh. She holds it this way as she fishes out her keys, but I take the box to make things easier for her. "Thanks. Well, if you decide on a certain kind of dress, let me know."
      I nod and move out of the way so Kahlan can show me where to go next. I've never been in this area so I absolutely have to follow for, and this time not because I want. I'd rather not get lost in a place like this where I'm sure someone is waiting to take me down with one of those menacing drug bullets.
     Picking up the last box that Cas was supposed to come and retrieve, I hurry to Kahlan's side. She takes me through hall after hall, having to stop every time we reach a new area for verification. As we walk, I notice that this place gets more homey the closer we get to leaving, I think. Polished tiles turn to carpet, whitewashed walls turn to an office grey, and the people around look more like blue collar workers rather than soldiers. The place feels like another business rather than a government facility.
     Kahlan stops at a desk all on its lonesome in an open area and sets her room's key atop it. "My keys."
     The woman behind the desk smiles and takes the keys. "Spares?"
     "Nope."
     "Then have a good time up top. Don't miss us too much."
     Kahlan chuckles. "See you around, Nadine."
     "See you."
     I smile at Nadine and she nods politely at me, watching Kahlan and I as we approach the only elevator around. The doors slide open without Kahlan having to press any buttons, then we both step inside. Nadine waves at us as the doors close and Kahlan waves back, using her free hand to instruct the elevator to go up. I shift the boxes in my arms and wiggle my toes in my nurse style shoes. They were the only ones prepared for me.
     "Ready to see the sun?" Kahlan asks, raising an eyebrow at me.
     "You shouldn't stare at the sun."
     She makes a funny face at me, then chuckles. "Was that a joke? You're getting better at them."
     I'm entranced by her chuckles and I nod. Kahlan told me once that I take things too seriously and that I should learn to have some fun. I'm not very good at jokes yet but at least she says I'm getting better.
     "I really am excited to go outside, though," I say, smiling. This elevator ride sure is taking a long time. "It's never boring."
     "No, it's not."
     My smile remains as we wait for the elevator to stop. It takes longer than I expected and I'm more than curious to see what I'll find when the doors open. Turns out what I find isn't all that exciting at all. It seems that the elevator stops in the back of a busy warehouse, workers going to and fro without giving Kahlan and I a second glance, as if they see people come out of nowhere often.
     Kahlan dodges the workers and I follow her footsteps, not wanting to interrupt the flow. We manage to make our way out of the warehouse without causing ripples and Kahlan leads me to a black SUV waiting on the gravel. Mariam is in the driver's seat while Cas is standing beside an open back door. The trunk is wide open, too, and I place Kahlan's boxes in it as Kahlan talks to Mariam.
     "Took you long enough," Cas grumps as I shut the trunk. She leans against the car and crosses her arms. "We've been waiting."
     "You were asked to wait," I say, watching Kahlan. The sun hurts my eyes, being away from it for so long, but I take the pain. "Don't get mad at me for what you were told to do."
     "Watch your mouth, girl," she snaps.
     I gaze at her from the corner of my eye. "Stay out of my way, girl. Your concerns aren't mine."
     Cas growls and pushes off the car, but Kahlan steps up to us, narrowing her eyes. "Ready to go?"
     Nodding, I move away from Cas. "Yes."
     Cas scoffs and rolls her eyes, then hops into the backseat, behind Mariam. Kahlan takes the front passenger seat so I take the spot behind her and buckle up.
     "No more fighting," Mariam says as we start off, glancing at Cas and I in the rearview mirror. "With all the things I have to worry about, I don't want you two destroying our apartment building being one of them."
     Cas grumbles to herself and leans against her door. "I don't want her near us."
     "Well she is so stop acting like a baby," Mariam responds coolly. "We have to learn to live together in peace. The General will probably send us on assignments together and I don't have to report that it's not working out."
     "Then tell her to stop annoying me."
     Mariam looks at Cas through the rearview mirror. "You tell her."
     Cas doesn't, instead opting to face her window. I don't care either way. But Kahlan turns in her seat to look at us. "You don't have to like each other, but can't you at least be civil?"
     "I can," I say. "I don't dislike her."
     Cas frowns at me. "Suck up."
     Kahlan holds up a finger before I can respond and says, "So what's the problem? Why don't you like each other?"
     Turning back to her window, Cas grumps to herself. The fact that she's unwilling to cooperate could be troublesome. "She's wrong," I mumble.
     "Wrong?"
     "I hear it in her voice," I explain. "I can feel it. She even vibrates on the wrong level, I'm sure."
     Mariam raises her eyebrows and her eyes find me through the mirror. "What does that mean?"
     "Whatever's been done to her rubs me the wrong way. I can't help but be irritated."
     Cas finally pipes up, "That's crap. I can't help being 'wrong.'"
     Kahlan's mouth makes a funny line. "Is that why you don't like Lost?"
     "She needs to keep her mouth shut."
     I growl but Kahlan shoots me a look, and Mariam sighs, gripping the steering wheel. "Okay," she sighs. "Cas can't control being 'wrong,' Lost. What made her different... Don't punish her for what other people did. That's not fair."
     Kahlan stares at me, waiting for a response, and I drop my eyes. I suppose I was being a jerk to Cas for something she can't control. It was unfair. "I'm sorry," I sigh, keeping my head down. "I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I harbor no hatred for you."
     "Cas?" Mariam prompts, when Cas says nothing for a few minutes.
     Looking pained, Cas rolls her head to face me. "We both did terrible things. I can see why you'd be irritated with me. I'm sorry, too, I guess."
     The car slows and Mariam mumbles, "That's the best we're gonna get, believe me."
     Kahlan chuckles softly and turns forward in her seat. I turn to Cas and hold out my hand as a sign of new beginnings and she sighs, but shakes my hand. She feels different than a normal human, barely, but I ignore it, remembering Mariam's words. Besides, Cas has had enough terrible things in her life. She doesn't need me as another thing on her list.
     Feeling better, I turn to face my window and get my fill of the world while I can. The buildings around me look vaguely familiar, but I'm not entirely sure. So instead I turn my face up and close my eyes to take in the suns rays. It's so warm, so comforting, and I want to bathe in it. Then the window rolls down and I open my eyes as my hair is whipped around. Kahlan is smiling at me from her side mirror, her light eyes sparkling in the day's sun. I gather my hair and hold it over my shoulder and smile back.
     The ride to our new home is quiet aside from the noises of the outside world and I find myself humming a song that no one remembers. I don't know much modern music but I do know centuries old lullabies and songs of love. It's rare that I get the chance to recall decrepit relics and I enjoy the sound of memories against the wind.
     Eventually we stop against the curb of an apartment building, squishing the SUV between a tiny blue compact and a silver luxury car. The apartment building is huge and reminds me of a hotel, more so because there are a few of them on the long, busy street. I wait until everyone else steps out of the car before getting out myself, and I head straight for the trunk. It pops open with a beep and I stack as many boxes as I can before lifting them. But there are still a few left so I move the boxes I'm already holding to one arm and pick up the rest of them with my free arm.
     "Someone of your size definitely can't lift that," Mariam says as she slams the trunk closed. "That doesn't look right. Give half to Cas."
     I do, after Kahlan agrees, and Cas takes half my load without a word. We all make our way into the building that way- Kahlan and Mariam leading our little pack with Cas and I taking up the rear.
     "We have images to uphold," Mariam goes on when we're inside and past the front desk. "We can't look out of the ordinary."
     When we step into the elevator, I stand at the back and shift the boxes in my arms. "This building isn't entirely owned by your people?"
     "No. We have to blend in."
     "Normal people live here?"
     "All of them are but us."
     I nod in thought and wait for the elevator doors to reopen. I expected something different, something with more flare. But all of this is normal. We could be anyone, be like every one else. The only difference between us and the others in this building are our careers. Well, that, and Cas and I aren't entirely human.
     Mariam leads the herd out of the elevator and she takes us all down a soft carpeted hall, all the way to the end. She takes out a key and unlocks one of the apartments, then ushers us all inside.
     "This is the place," she declares, setting the single key on the island counter that separates the relatively roomy kitchen area and an open space that mimics a living room and dining room. "Two bedrooms, one and a half baths, kitchen, living room, and dining area. There's even a deck, but it's small."
     I set down the boxes in the living space, as does Cas, then I stand about awkwardly, watching Kahlan check out our new home. It's really nice and I like the big glass doors that lead to the deck. As Mariam keeps talking about the apartment and what stores and restaurants are around, I move to the glass doors and, after seeing that no one is watching me, open them. The soft wind outside feels nice on my skin but it makes my hair move around my face annoyingly. I gather up my hair and hold it over my shoulder as I step onto the deck and look down at the street below.
    Cars of every color and size inch by, traffic horrible right now, and pedestrians hurry to places I'll probably never go. The sounds of the city are loud compared to where the government kept me, and the smells are suffocating. I've never lived in the heart of a city before, at least not this way, being allowed to be outside. It's a lot to take in.
     "Hey," I hear Kahlan call for me.
     I turn around to face her, blushing. "I'm sorry," I say quickly, holding tighter to my hair. "I wanted to see."
     Kahlan smiles softly and steps out onto the deck with me. She tucks her hair behind her ears then leans on the chest high cement wall that protects us from falling to the street accidentally. "It's okay," she says, looking down and startling me, thinking she might tumble over. "I was just going to tell you that Cas and Mariam left. They live directly across from us if you ever need them."
     That's good, I suppose, if I ever need help with something. "Okay."
     Kahlan stops looking down and rests her elbows on the wall, clasping her hands together. She looks to me and shifts her weight. "You do that a lot."
     I blink. "Do what?"
     "Hold your hair like that." She points to my strong grip on my locks. "I noticed when we started walking the halls of the Facility. Why do you do it?"
     I let go and shrug a shoulder. "I don't like it."
     "Your hair?"
     Nodding, I look away, embarrassed. "I like it short but Seras wanted..."
     "Say no more," Kahlan tells me, pushing off the wall. She crosses her arms and motions for me to come back inside. "Want a haircut?"
     "Would you be okay with that?"
     Kahlan picks up the key that Mariam left. "You wear your hair however you want it. If you want it short, lets cut it short."
     "Are you sure?"
     "Lost, tell me something. Without thinking about me for a second, or anyone else but yourself, tell me if you want to cut your hair."
     Puckering my lips, I try that. It's not often that I think of me and only me. But I really do want my hair short. "Yes," I say. "I want a haircut."
     Kahlan smiles. "Then let's go."

                                                  -------------------------

     Of all the things that I expected that I'd be doing first up top, taking Lost to the hairdressers was not anywhere on my list. I borrowed the SUV and told Mariam where I'd be, and off Lost and I went.
     Now, at the nearest salon, I'm standing beside Lost's chair, helping the hairdresser figure out what Lost wants. She wants it short but that's extremely vague. There are so many different styles to chose from and I have tons pulled up on my phone for Lost to see.
     "I'm sorry," I apologize to the hairdresser, knowing I'm taking up a lot of her time. She's definitely getting a big tip when this is over.
     "It's fine," she chuckles, running her hand through Lost's hair. "It's hard going short. Especially with really long hair like this." She looks at Lost through the mirror in front of them. "You're sure you want short?"
     Lost nods and bites her lip nervously as I show her a dozen more hairstyles. She clearly can't decide. "What's... cool?" she asks meekly, eyes darting to the hairdresser.
     "Hmm..." The hairdresser squints at my phones screen, then points to one of the pictures. "That style would look good on you. You've got the long neck to show off and a great jaw."
     Lost looks up to me, almost panicked. "What do you think?"
     I look at the picture, zooming in, then back to Lost. The hairdresser was definitely right about it looking good. "Yeah. I think it's nice. Would you want it? If you don't, we can wait until your hair grows back a little and try again."
     Lost's face grows pained, but then she calms slightly and nods. "Okay. That's what I want."
     The hairdresser smiles. "Sure? Okay. Let's get started."
     I move back to the waiting area and watch the haircut proceed, the hairdresser moving around Lost's collar like I asked. The collar isn't all that thick, but it's heavy and intrusive. It could probably pass for a modern accessory if you didn't look too closely. I wanted to take it off for the haircut but Lost panicked and begged me not to unless I wanted to give her up. I didn't want to give her up, but my decision was made when her eyes started to water and my heart clenched at how hurt she was about the whole thing.
     Crossing my legs at the knee, I pull a months old magazine onto my lap and start flipping through it. There's nothing exciting inside and my mind starts wandering. I can't believe my life has led to this- becoming a caretaker to a woman who can't seem to decide which shoe to tie first without some kind of leadership. Don't get me wrong, she's lovely and smart, but the independence she should have gained growing up has been shot. She needs to regain her confidence. Hopefully I can help her do that. Or at least I can steer her in the right direction. She clearly wants to have her freedom, but something is holding her back. Perhaps it's her nature, or her past, but eventually something has to give. Since I'm the last word on her health and well being, maybe I can get her into therapy so she can talk out her problems. Surely there are some twisted things in her mind that she needs to lay out and conquer.
     The hairdresser calls for me and I snap out of my mind, placing the unread magazine back where it belongs. It seems that Lost's haircut is finished and she wants me to see if it turned out okay. So I step beside the hairdresser and take a good look at Lost's new style.
     And, wow, she looks good.
     The cut is short, her hair tapered in at the nape of her neck with gentle layers all over, but the length is retained at the top, rebellious strands of hair hanging loose in her face to touch her lips.
     "Is it okay?" she asks softly, running a hand through her hair to make it messier.
     "It's amazing," I tell her, meaning it. The hairdresser was right when she said the cut would show off Lost's long neck and great jawline.
     Lost smiles and stands, brushing hair off her shirt and pulling a few strands out of her collar. "Thank you," she tells the hairdresser.
     The hairdresser smiles widely. "You're one of my best transformations. You look good both with and without long hair. It's impressive."
     Lost scratches the back of her head, and we all move to the register. I pay, giving a large tip, then thank the hairdresser myself. That's the most hair I've ever seen cut off someone at once and I'm impressed with the results as well.
     "Do you really like it?" Lost asks when we're in the car and buckled.
     I nod and check my mirrors to make sure I'm in the clear. "You look great. I like it. Do you?"
     "Yes. Very much. Thank you."
     Pulling out into the street, I smile. "I'm glad you're happy with it." And I glance at her to find her blushing softly. It surprises me that I gulp at seeing her so... so... cute.
     And I have to shake the feeling away to focus on getting us back home.