Ixora (UNEDITED)

18|Hurting

When  I discovered I was still pregnant and the realization that I would be a mom at sixteen dawned on me, I felt broken and very much a failure.

Countless, I contemplated returning to Jo but fear of being ostracized got to me, so I showed to stay in the shadows.

I had two options in mind, the first was to abort the pregnancy using pills since I didn't have the money to go to the hospital for safer process.

And, the second was to actually dump the baby after birth at an orphanage and then run away. l have a knack for it.

Both were in my favor, I obviously had nothing to lose and I could easily blame my actions on fear.

I never shared those thoughts with Gwen, even though she was always by my side neither did I tell any other soul.

The first plan was impossible since Gwen was tied to my hip after a matron hinted I looked suicidal, like my next action would be regrettable.

The second plan was almost successful but everytime I looked at the little bundle. His little eyes and innocent smile while I breastfeed, I couldn't bring myself to let him grow without a mother.

I already cheated him of his father by running away from the Lockwood mansion.
I couldn't be much cruel to abandon him too.

"Happy birthday to you!" Everybody sang as Nathan and I walked down the spiral staircase.

His expression went from unreadable to astonishment.

Isla went all out planning her nephew's seventh birthday.

It was a dinosaur theme dinner party, she quoted little boys loved their dinosaur.

"Happy birthday, Nathan." I whispered as we reached the bottom of the stairs and he runs off to the arms his ever doting grandma.

I scanned the hall for Gwen, she was supposed to arrived with Liano. Since they were a thing, even though she didn't very much like to admit it.

"Hey, Isla." I grabbed the arm of our wonderful event planner, who was busy still putting things in order.

"Mmh." She hummed almost annoyed. Isla is always annoyed.

"Have you seen Gwen or my brother?" I cut to the chase, taking a mental note to express my gratitude to her later .

"Yeah, on the balcony."

"Thanks." I offered and quickly moved in the direction of the balcony. There wasn't much to do at a child's birthday party.

Who was I kidding?

I knew nothing of it and it was making me nervous. For the past six years, Gwen, Nathan and I celebrated our birthdays alone with Raquel as our only guest.

"Izzie darling." Jo's voice stopped me before I reached the balcony. "Come over here." She beaconed.

I smiled and walked up to her.

"Hi." I offered the people with her.

"This is the beautiful woman that birthed my handsome grandchild." Jo introduced making butterflies to flutter in my belly pit.

I will never get used to her presenting me like gold whenever she had the chance.

"A beauty indeed." The man amongst them commented .

"Ian has fine taste."

My mood went sour but I managed a polite smile and zoned out their conversation.

Speaking of Ian, I hadn't seen much of him, neither have my thoughts been of because someone else successfully took his place, Miles.

Things for Miles and I was going smooth. Fiona loved me just as much as Jo did. Yes, I'm bragging.

They were supposed to be here to celebrate Nathan's seventh birthday but something I didn't really take to heart caused them to be absent.

Speak of the devil, I almost hissed as I noticed Ian walking up to us. I quickly excused myself and walked to the snack table.

And my oh my, there was a lot to choose from. I was almost indecisive. Almost

Picking a chocolate cookie, I popped it my mouth and savored it delightful taste and nodded in approval as I picked another and another.

"Still a sweet tooth." That tantalizing voice, I told myself to hate eventually ruined the moment I was having.

I didn't answer or turn to him. I just picked a napkin and dabbed the corner of my lips so I wouldn't ruin my lipstick and made to walk away.

"Still stubborn as a mule." He commented with a chuckle.

I turned around and glared him. I almost lost composure meeting his eyes. Man, he was so fine.

"You've been avoiding me."

I cocked my brows because I couldn't embarrass myself if I tried talking.

"I know not what you speak of," I finally breathed, which sounded really stupid because he laughed.

I wanted to walk away but another part of me delusionally craved his presence. I was a fool for Ian.

"You know, what I'm talking about." He said picking a cookie and masticating it like he had all the time in the world.

"So what if I have?" I quizzed trying to keep my cool and tears. I was really going to cry but the background noises reminded me to keep it together.

"So what if l have, Ian?" I repeated "I doubt we have anything to offer each other, we aren't friends, so what if I have been avoiding you? Point to note, I wasn't avoiding you, you hold no relevance, I was simply saving myself stress." I lied to his face.

I couldn't tell him, I was still hurt from his rejection.

I didn't give him a chance to counter me or call me out on my lip, I picked my purse from the table and walked away.

I could feel the eyes of onlookers who may have or may have not grabbed a piece of our conversation despite the loud noises the children were generating.

The balcony was the place I had in mind because I needed my best friend. I needed a shoulder to mop on. I needed Gwen.

"To hell with what you think, Liano." I stopped in my track and tried to process the scene in front me.

Gwen was crying mess and Emiliano was his usual unruffled self.

"I'm sick and tired of your fucking opinion," She went on, poking his chest. "It's over."

"Like we were ever a couple." He scoffed.

"What's going on here?" I asked in utter confusion, my brother turned to me as he walked out of the balcony with his blazer slung over his back but not without saying.

"Why don't you ask your best friend, my dear sister."

I rushed to Gwen and tried to hug her but she shrugged me off .

"Can you leave me alone?" She voiced hoarsely.

"No, I can't." I tried holding her again but she still moved away. "But I could grab a bottle of fine whiskey from the cellar." I said in an English accent.

Silence

"Talk to me, Gwen!" I was getting pissed at being blocked out by her that my voice came out as a yell.

She turned her head to look at me. After scanning my expression she hissed and muttered.

"You wouldn't get it."