☆.｡.:*
BEING DEAD FELT STRANGE. she felt "alive", but she didn't at the same time. she didn't have a beating heart or blood, but she still felt there. it was otherworldly feeling, a feeling that heidi had never experienced before. a feeling that heidi assumed that no other living person experienced before. her body was gone, but she was still there. she watched the paramedics remove her body from the pavement, pronouncing her dead. despite not having blood running through her veins, she still felt fully present. she was still there.
that meant that all the feelings she felt before she died were there, too. all of the anger, all of the sadness. everything. it seemed to only get worse in death. as she predicted, not many people cared that she was gone.
she watched as addison pretended to not know who she was, she listened as addison lied straight to people's faces. she watched as her positions in the clubs that she joined were replaced, and her mother had removed any trace of her that was in the school. she watched her mom clean out her locker carelessly tossing items in the cardboard box. it seemed that she didn't care at all that these were what she had left of her daughter. she watched her mom's expressionless face, which was almost as if she had done this before, or that she was expecting it. She couldn't help but notice how everyone seemed to act normal. nobody seemed to care that she was gone. everyone betrayed heidi sullivan. her mom, her classmates, her best friend. everyone.
now, heidi sat on the window ledge in a stairwell, leaning against the cold glass, staring out the window as the rain fell in the spot on the pavement where her body once hit. it was fitting— the rain, for how she felt. it made sense that she would become a ghost, really, it did. it was just her luck. It seemed to be that she even failed at death. heidi sullivan felt empty, and alone. As she sat on the window ledge, addison kept crossing her mind. how was it possible that someone she had known for so long, seemed so completely unaffected by her death? it seemed to heidi that the two of them were never friends, that heidi never mattered to addie. heidi couldn't help but wonder if addison truly cared about heidi at all. she couldn't help but remember all of the times that they had hung out— all of the bonding sleepovers, all of the playdates, all of the nights heidi would go to addison's house after her mother seemingly disappeared— all of the nights addison would come to heidi if her and her girlfriend, sylvia, had gotten into arguments. did it all mean nothing to her?
"uh, hey," a voice from beside her said, pulling her out of her thoughts. heidi's head whipped, only to see charley, another ghost at split river. "are you okay? you look like you've been crying."
have i been crying? she thought, moving her hand to wipe her face that in fact had been wet. quickly, she forced a smile, wiping away any of the remaining tears that were on her face.
"yeah, sorry, i'm okay," heidi lied. it was unlike her to lie, but it seemed necessary at this moment.
he nodded, his eyebrows squinted slightly, clearly unsure if her answer was true.
"you look like you could use some cheering up," he said, "come with me. there's something i want you to see."
heidi hesitated slightly, but something in her head told her that she should probably follow him. she nodded. "yeah, okay," she said, jumping off of the window ledge. the height of the jump caused a small shock of pain in her ankles. but she ignored the minor discomfort.
as the pair walked down the hallway side by side, heidi avoided eye contact with charley as best as she could. the boy had just walked in on her crying— how embarrassing was that? heidi hoped that he wouldn't bring it up, that he would just forget about it. it was already embarrassing enough that he saw her crying, he didn't need to know why. they didn't know each other like that. they just met a couple days ago, he definitely wasn't ready to hear everything going on in heidi's head.
i don't think anyone's ready for that, heidi thought.
"what's up with you," charley asked.
shit. those were the only four words she didn't want to hear. that and, "are you okay?"
"are you okay?" he asked, looking at her.
of course. just her luck.
"yeah, no, i'm totally okay." she said, shaking her head, hoping she sounded as convincing as she thought she was in her head.
"are you sure?" he asked, concern filling his voice.
heidi nodded, a feeling she was familiar with bubbled in her stomach. anxiety.
"yeah, it's just..." she trailed off, realizing she was about to actually tell him. she did not need him to know right now. they seemed to be becoming friends— her only friend, she didn't want to screw it up.
"what is it?" he asked, "you can tell me."
absolutely not, heidi thought.
but for a moment, she thought that maybe if she did tell him, the weight of it would lift off her chest. maybe she would feel better. she knew he wouldn't understand, but maybe it would help her.
"i just, i don't know. death sucks, i guess," she stammered. "i thought i would be, you know, dead, not haunting a high school. like, how sad is that? to be haunting a high school?"
charley smiled slightly, "tell me about it,"
"on top of that, i get to watch my best friend make fun of me for what happened," heidi said. "who does that?"
"tell me about it," charley repeated. "when i died, i had to put up with the jokes everyone made about me."
"what did they say?" heidi asked, before realizing it might be too personal. "shit, sorry, you don't have to answer if you don't want to."
"no, it's okay," charley said, shaking his head. "i was a gay kid in the 90's who died because he was allergic to nuts, you think of the jokes they made."
heidi snorted, trying to contain her laughter. "i'm sorry, that's not funny. people are awful beings."
"no, it was a joke, you were supposed to laugh."
heidi felt lucky to have met charley. it helped to have someone to talk to, someone to relate to in death. their conversation continued down the hallway, and heidi couldn't help but feel a sense of relief that she had someone to share her experiences with.
as they walked, she felt the weight of the world on her shoulders lift a little. obviously, not all the way, but it was enough for her to notice. enough for her to be thankful.
charley led heidi to the gymnasium, the sound of shoes squeaking on the tile echoing throughout the room. heidi jumped a little as charley walked straight through the basketball team in the middle of their practice. as a basket ball was about to hit his head, she yelped.
"charley, look out!"
"heidi, we're dead. it doesn't do anything to us," he said, turning around to her.
"oh, i forgot," she snorted.
heidi ran through the practice, avoiding the balls, still forgetting that the basketballs would simply go through her, catching up to charley.
as she caught up to him, she saw a circle of blue chairs, with several people sitting in them. one was a boy, about her age, wearing a blue jock jacket with the initials of the school on it, and blue sweatbands on his wrist. his skin was pale, and hair was brown.
another girl with short curly black hair sat in one, sucking on a lollipop, dressed in all black.
a man sat in another chair, wearing big glasses, and a brown jacket with a tie.
in a fourth chair, sat a girl with long brown straight hair and light pinky-brown skin. she wore a black cardigan, and a long patterned skirt that flowed down to her ankles.
everyone looked at her, clearly confused. she felt like she was interrupting something.
"charley the fuck is this?" she asked.
"it's called the after life support group."
