The Clone Wars One Shots

Smooth Criminal

*Eating Pringles on the floor* *squints at screen* Does that say 14k views? And 333 votes? It does? AYO WHEN DID-

Thank you guys so much!!! I love you all!!!

As thanks, I present to you:

✨ Cutup's antics ✨

"Hey," you said to no one in particular, not looking up from your datapad. You took a second-long break from your mindless scrolling to run your tongue along your teeth curiously. "Do you guys realize we never stop tasting our own tongues?"

"How about I taste yours for a change?" Cutup responded without missing a beat, dropping his own datapad into his lap to shoot you finger guns and a coy grin.

Echo fell off his bunk. Fives burst out laughing.

"That was so smooth, what-" Droidbait's head whipped towards the squad jokester.

Heat rose to your face. You attempted to cover it with a laugh. When that didn't work, you buried your burning head in your hands.

"Cutuppp," you groaned, shooting him a fond glare between your fingers. He just laughed and went back to looking up dad jokes.

Later, after the boys had returned from training, you were laying on Cutup's bunk with your head in his lap. He was peering over your shoulder at your datapad, which held old photos of your younger self. He needed a good laugh after training, and you thought that various unflattering pictures of yourself would do the trick. It wasn't. He complimented every single one. The jerk.

When a particularly bad photo popped up, a notification accompanied it regarding an injury report. Three Kaminoans and two Jedi had been wounded while landing a ship on the outer landing dock during a storm. One of the Kaminoans was dead, another in critical condition, and the others had received minor injuries.

"Oh, damn." You laughed awkwardly, swiping past the picture. "My bad, I guess."

Cutup grinned down at you, scrolling back to the picture. You looked up at him, quirking an eyebrow. "Well, yeah," he whispered with a smirk. "That's what happens when you look at an angel."

You stared at him, attempting to fight back a smile. "You smooth son of a mudscupper. Where do you find these lines?"

"My beautiful mind."

"Ah, of course. A beautiful mind for a beautiful man." You reached up, ruffled his hair fondly, and snuggled closer as you continued scrolling.

A few days later, Domino squad came to visit you between training sessions, and were surprised to find that you were nowhere to be seen. They elected to hang around for a while, but didn't have to wait long before you entered your office with a puzzled look on your face. You were unsurprised to find them waiting around like lost puppies, as they often visited when they were free, but something else had confused you.

"What's wrong?" Echo asked, tilting his head. You didn't seem upset, but he was still concerned.

"One of the cadets just said I look like a Kaminoan history study guide," you stated blandly. The five clones responded with the exact look you had given the cadet: bewilderment hidden behind utter confusion. "What does that even mean?"

Cutup responded first, shrugging carelessly. "Not sure, but I'd take it as a compliment." A smug smirk worked it's way onto his face. Oh no. You knew exactly what was coming. "After all, I've never met anyone who looked at one and didn't say 'oh, kriff me'."

Fives slowly, painfully slowly, turned to stare at his brother. "You smooth motherkriffer."

You rolled your eyes, snickered, then turned to close the door. Before you could, however, you spotted someone walking by, and your face fell.

"Well, great," you grumbled to yourself, confidence pacing up to go on vacation. "There goes that."

"What's wrong?" Echo asked.

"Whenever I'm feeling good about myself, this one hot medic walks by. I take one look at them and my confident takes a nose dive."

Cutup sidled up to you and slipped an arm around your waist, beaming. "Maybe you should stop looking at mirrors, then."

You felt heat rising to your face and poked out your tongue as you playfully shoved Cutup. "Cutup, seriously, if you get any smoother, I'm gonna slip and fall on my ass."

"Then I envy the floor."

Fives slammed his hands down on Echo and Droidbait's shoulders, causing them both to flinch then glare at him. "DAMN SON."

Another month full of flirting passed, until one day, you got some exciting news: after much back and forth debate with the Jedi Council, Senator Amidala was publicly marrying Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker. Everybody knew that the two had been in a 'secret' relationship since the start of the war, but now the Council had decided to become more lenient with their old traditions after seeing how much harm their rules had caused, and Anakin would be the first member of the Order to marry since the ban was lifted.

"Good for them," you said in response to the news, grinning. "Finally got the balls to tell the Council. I'm pretty sure the Grand Master and General Koon had bets going about how long it would take."

"I wouldn't be surprised," Droidbait agreed. He looked down at the photo of the happy couple featured on a recent news story, and zoomed in on the Senator's left hand. "Whoa-ho! Look at that rock. Must've cost a fortune."

"Skywalker probably sold most of his ships for that," Hevy remarked, forcing his head in front of Droidbait's face to get a good look. "Worth it for Amidala."

Droidbait kicked Hevy in the shin. The stronger clone retaliated by pulling his brother into a noogie, causing him to drop his datapad. Droidbait cursed loudly and swatted at Hevy, who laughed and refused to relent.

"Why are rings so expensive, anyways?" Fives asked, scooping up the fallen datapad before the fighting pair could trample it. "I don't get it."

"It's weird, right?" Echo, the secret romantic-at-heart of the group, agreed. "Instead of wedding rings, people should do something more personal. Like exchanging lists of reasons why they love each other. That would be nice."

Cutup laughed. "Wouldn't that be a short list."

"Well, yeah," you agreed, digging an elbow into his ribs. "All I would need to write is 'everything'."

"Do you have any idea how smooth that was?"

Cutup grinned, rubbing his side. "I'm so proud."

A week later, you sat with the brothers on their down time, paying half a mind to their ongoing arm wrestling competition as you worked out a few calculations for one of the medical transports.

"Cutup," you called, immediately pulling his attention away from Echo and Fives' contest. "Can you help me with this?"

"Hm? Oh, sure." He plopped down on the bench next to you, resting his head on your shoulder and peeing down at your work. "What is this, math?"

"Cutup's not great with that," Fives announced with a smirk.

Cutup flipped him off. "Sure I am." His cheeky grin returned as he slid an arm around your shoulders. "I know that Y/n plus me equals sixty nine."

You rolled your eyes but played along. "Well, if that's the case, then I must equal fifty nine, because you're definitely a ten."

"Why are you two so smooth all of a sudden?" Droidbait whined, pulling at his hair. "What is happening? When is it my turn? I want game!"

"Droidbait, you'll become a Jedi before you get a partner," Hevy retorted.

"Shut up! We have the same face."

"I wear it better."

As the brothers argued, you snickered and slipped away, pulling Cutup with you by the hand. You turned the corner, just out of sight of the others, and grinned at him.

"You think they know?" you asked, leaning closer to him.

Cutup laughed and shook his head. "No way. They're all idiots." He kissed you.

Update: Pringles are delicious. That is all.