No one wants to let go
You've gotta fight against your every instinct
And that's hard to do
A man in his early twenties approached a mound of dirt, a makeshift grave with no body and a tombstone with the name Damian Cade crudely etched into it. He set a small bouquet of blue flowers on top, discarding the long dead ones.
"Why am I back here," He muttered, "You'd probably say 'Cause you're clingy, Theseus' and still want me here anyway."
No one wants to quit
No one wants to admit to themselves
What's actually true
"So, I found out I have a daughter now, um she looks like me," Theseus continued, "I like to imagine you two would have gotten along. You'd probably have her mother's head by now though. I guess I'm just glad she hasn't asked about my parents yet, not a conversation I'm looking forward to.
Only you can be the one to make the first move
Push through the pain
Only you can be the one to say "I'm done" and walk away
"I went to your house and the lake recently. It was weird being there with someone who has no idea who you are. She's nice though. She doesn't need to know." He sat down fidgeting with his hands. "I probably should have said something more, but- I don't know. You'd want it to remain a secret."
It's gonna hurt
But it's what I have to do
"You were so good at keeping secrets. Who knows if I would ever figure them out if you were still here."
I'm leaving now
I'm putting one foot in front of the other now
I deserve to let you go
And build a better version on my own
Somehow
"Alexis is nice. You wouldn't be fond of her. Not if you found out how she feels about me. But there's not much we can do now. I like to think that even if we didn't work out we'd still be friends. I still miss you. I do everyday."
I feel better already
Or at least a bit lighter
Just by deciding I left you behind
"It's been two years now. I think I need to move on. There. I finally said it. I don't know how, but that's probably what I've been scared of. I guess it runs in the family to hide our pain."
There's room in my head
Now that getting you back isn't taking up every inch
Of my mind
"I think the first step is forgiving myself. What happened that day, I could have changed it, but neither of us knew what was going to happen. I'm going to try and accept that. We'll see how that goes."
It's strange to imagine my everyday
Without you
Without waking up next to your face
"Or maybe I'll try to stop wondering what would have happened if I never told you. Or if I never met you." He chucked weakly. "God, how does Thaddeus deal with all this?"
It's strange that I don't have a clue
What'll happen when I leave this place
I know for sure it's what I have to do
"I should go. I don't think I'm going to come back."
I'm leaving now
I'm putting one foot in front of the other now
I deserve to let you go
And built a better version on my own
Somehow
Brushing dirt from his clothes Theseus started walking away and back to the city.
"And if you're listening, I love you. I think I always will"
