Yesterday's Superstar

06

"Nandito napo tayo." Our driver, kuya ben announce as we stopped in front of many reporters gathered around the entrance

As soon as we got out of the bus reporters surrounded us, asking questions about my family's politic life

We got inside the hall naman, The teachers guided us to our seats. Alphabetically arrange kaya hiwalay kami ni chiara

When the program started me and chiara were texting, our way of communicating dahil nga we're separated from each other.

Until some teachers told us to line up with our parents, dahil malapit na kaming iannounce

I looked at the back waiting for someone to go with me on stage hoping for my mom, but Lola was once again going with me on stage.

I knew na ayaw ni mommy umakyat on stage with me dahil if si lola ang aakyat sakin on stage it means Lola offered herself to go with me on stage dahil walang aakyat sakin na parent.

"Why not dad?" I asked her, "pinigilan ng mommy mo." She shook her head on disappointment

I nodded and just smiled at her saying it was okay. Smiled at me, we walked up on stage and i was alalaying her since she's 83 years old!

"Araneta, Louisse Chantel Valerie Marcos, Bachelor of Science in Legal management. Summa cum laude"

She held my hand and smiled at me while putting my medal on my neck.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our graduate response speaker from the legal management course, Louisse Chantel Valerie M. Araneta." The speaker announced, i stood up and went on stage again

"Thank you, For giving me the privilege to deliver the graduate response." i started, I'm getting nervous! But stay calm paren ang aura

I told chiara to Double check kung naiwan ko yung prinepare kong speech! But still na iwan! So i had to prepare nalang inside my head dahil last minute niya sinabi sakin na naiwan pala!

"Fellow graduates, We made it. You finally did it. I'm sure your friends and family are proud of you, Let us also take this opportunity to extend are deepest gratitude to the people we should be most thank full for in this success that we have achieved."

"although i may not know every single one of you. I'm certain everyone here has invaluable knowledge and experiences that are meant to be shared and told. Today I'm honored to share apart of me with you."

"While writing a speech. I thought of an inspiring person who I want to present my messages." I looked at my mom and smiled at the crowd

I bit my lip to calm my self down, when i felt like something was grabbing my neck and punching my stomach. I paused for a bit since i knew I'm getting nervous at baka masuffocate ako dito bigla.

"I'm sure non of you in this hall know's about her. Let me start of by saying.. You may think my life is perfect with all those.. Achievements,Medals, Applause. But those things can be seen in the outside, Have you ever wondered what happens or what you can see in the inside, Hindi diba?" i smiled

"Does achievements.. does medals.. certificates, i get.. One mistake, will be the end of my hundred achievements" I laughed when i saw some people relate, realizing madami pala kaming nasaktan dahil lang sa isang kamali.

"I know some of you wished to be smarter.. o hindi kaya maganda, sexy.. dahil pag wala ka kasi nun.. the whole world is against you."

"Sometimes i wish to be better at something. be Better at school, Be better as a friend, or be better as a.. daughter."

"I'm not a perfect student. I'm also not a perfect daughter. No matter how hard i try, I'm still not perfect. But i came to the conclusion that.. it's okay not to be perfect. Because no one in this world is perfect."

I sigh deeply and spoke "This is for you."

"I would start of by saying.. sorry. I'm sorry for being your daughter. I'm sorry if I'm a disappointment in the family. I'm sorry I'm not as good as you expected, and i'm also sorry for being the worst daughter but you must admit you weren't the best too."

"I'm not mad at you, I'm longing for you."

"I'm longing for your love that is so hard to achieve, Love that is full of joy and happiness not hatred that is full of pain and tears."

"You may have disappointment for me but you left me disappointed every time you were out there taking after other kids, while your own is out there looking for love and attention from her mother."

"This anger isn't for you hurting me, This anger isn't for you scolding me for my mistakes. This anger is for your absence as a mother. My mother." I stayed calm as tears started to form on my left eye and slowly formed in the other

"I have lost count of how many times i had to pretend that I'm okay.. that I'm fine. Just so i could achieve what you wanted." I continued

"I loved you in my way of love, in a way i know how to love. And it's not your fault that i loved you harder then you did. In a way that is unfamiliar to you."

I laughed quietly when i saw all these people were actually listening, seriously.

"Well i knew that my mom doesn't really.. love me. So i would over come it by.. Focusing on my studies hoping that she would notice someday.. she knows all my greatest achievements naman.."

"Pero it's worthless for her. She comments on my bad temper.. failing grades, and more little mistakes i have done in the past. But does she know the big ones i hide? Does she knows my heart aches at night? or my asthma attacks at night? Will she ever love me or will i just continue on being a stranger in her life? She knows me, i think?"

"All i ever wanted was a mother,and all you ever did was avoid me, and then now when you found out about other kids needing a mother you just rushed to be by their side"  i looked at her but she looked away quickly.

"Don't waste your time ignoring me. Maybe one day, you'll end up finding me and asking everyone where i am." I smiled

"For the meantime. Just let me admire you from afar, let me be your fan and you'll be my superstar."

"Till our stars collide again, my superstar." I waved goodbye and left.

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