see you later // Pablo Gavi

Chapter 108

~ Author's Note ~

The wink his freaking wink in that picture <3

Also, sorry, I've been forgetting to warn this the last couple of chapters, but there's censored swearing again.

𝑰𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒏𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆.

𝐈 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐍 𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒 𝐀𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐔𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆, 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄, 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐀𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐒 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐍. Staring, specifically, at Pablo Gavi's contact. My boyfriend. My beautiful boyfriend. I need him. Right now.

The words that Charli said to me, though, make me hesitate. She said I'd go cry on my boyfriend's shoulder. I feel like I can't prove her right, in spite of her. And I know the moment I see Pablo, he'll wrap his arms around me, and because I feel so safe in his arms, I will cry. On his shoulder. Charli also mentioned how obsessed and addicted I am to him. How much I overly rely on him. How I'm not the Em she used to know. That's the moment when I shattered to pieces. She said, I thought you were after success. Or something... And I am... I was. Now nothing matters more than Pablo. Is that healthy? Should it be that way? I don't know... Charli sure thinks that friends should come before boyfriends. Maybe that part is a little dramatic, but maybe she's right about the other stuff. Maybe I'm too obsessed. Too focused. Too weak. Maybe I should quit ignoring my friends, if that's what I'm doing. I know I've been moody with them and avoided hanging out with them because I'd rather daydream about, call, or go out with Pablo. I won't doubt that I'm putting him before them. And I know it's not right of me to be moody, but everyone is sometimes. The big question is, Besides being moody sometimes, is what I've been doing to my friends wrong or not? Is it okay to grow apart from my friends and not hang around them as much for the sole reason that I like giving time to Pablo more? I mean, why am I out of school and work? I like being with Pablo more. Is he the problem? No, it's me... Is it? Is there even a problem? I think there is. I'm dropping every single other important thing in my life for Pablo Gavi. He's perfect, and he's wonderful, and I know it's not wrong to be dating him, but is the way I've been living ever since we started dating wrong? Should I try to balance the importance of him out with other things?

I've never been very good at balance. I've always been an all-or-nothing kind of girl. That's one of my worst character flaws, and I only realise that now. I either don't care at all or become obsessed with things.

I shutter, as I think about all this, and finally, a tear trickles down my cheek. It was supposed to be fun. We were supposed to hang out all night until we fell asleep in a cuddle pile on the couch. Then I would wake up in the morning and pack my suitcase and meet Pablo and he'd give me the train ticket and we'd head off to Madrid. Right? Isn't that what was supposed to happen? Christmas is supposed to be a happy time. So why aren't I f***ing happy?

Because of f***ing Charli.

You know what?

F*** her.

Who cares what she f***ing said? She's probably out of her mind, anyway. What does she know? What does she f***ing know, messing with me like that? She's just being manipulative. Yeah, Charli, I am going to cry on my boyfriend's shoulder now. What the hell can you do about that? Nothing. I f***ing hate her. She's so... I feel rage fill me, and I almost throw my phone, but I stop myself, and instead hit the back of my head against the wall I'm leaning on. I can tell that'll leave a goose egg, and tears of anger fill my eyes because of the pain. I'm so hurt. I'm so confused. I'm so mad. I'm so... so, so sad. She said I'd go cry on Cris's shoulder. Well, guess what? I won't. I'll go cry on one of your favorite football players ever's shoulder, girl, while you continue to be single. If she f***ing knew...

Oh God, that's right.

Now it's going to be even worse when I tell her the deal with Pablo and me. I shake at just the thought of it, and I finally text Pablo.

𝖬𝖾:
𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾.

𝖦𝖺𝗏𝗂:
𝖶𝗁𝖺𝗍'𝗌 𝗐𝗋𝗈𝗇𝗀?

I breathe. He knows something is wrong. He just does. I choke on my tears, dropping to my bottom and slumping against the wall, covering my eyes. I love him so much. I need him so much. So f***ing much. More than I'll ever need Aggie or Charli or even my parents. He is what I need. He's my all. My everything.

𝖬𝖾:
𝖨 𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎.

𝖦𝖺𝗏𝗂:
𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗋 𝗎?

I send him my location simply, trying to wipe away the tears that just won't stop coming.

𝖦𝖺𝗏𝗂:
𝗂'𝗆 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾. 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾. 𝗂'𝗆 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗀.

After I see this text, I stuff my phone in my pocket. When I gave it a glance, I saw that I received a text back from that fan girl who got a picture with Pablo a bit ago, but I don't care right now. I sit with my knees up, trying my hardest to stifle my cries. My sobs, maybe. There's so many emotions, so many thoughts, mostly bad, but a few good, floating through my mind, that I just can't take it. I can't take any of it. Where is he? Where's Pablo? I need him... I need Pablo. Where is he?

Every time I glance up, there's some pedestrian looking at me in concern, but I just look at them in the eye with my red puffy ones and shake my head, as if to say, Thank you for your concern, but there's someone else coming who will give me what I need.

And then that someone else comes.