Sheep to be Slaughtered

~Chapter Fifteen~

          I hadn't realized just how poor my reading skills were until I realized I must have been reading for quite some time... and had only managed to read a few entries. I was exhausted... mentally and physically drained... I needed to rest. But how could I possibly do so when I was learning that the life I had lived up until this point had not been what I thought it to be? I had to keep reading... I had to keep unlocking Founder Marco's secrets... secrets that not just he had... no, many of the adults in the village were a part of this. Yet, Founder Marco's journal remained cryptic... descriptive but not in the way I needed it to be.

          There needed to be something incriminating in here... something I could use that might pull me and Leanna out of danger... something to hang over Founder Marco's head or something to sway the villagers as to question allowing him to remain the sole leader... I needed something huge... something significant.

          But nearly everything in here was being related back to himself as he stroked his own ego. He wrote of how his growing number of female followers practically threw themselves at him, begging to aid him in creating his vision for a "new world" and offering their "untouched and pure" bodies to him freely. I felt nauseous reading it... how many women had fallen victim to such a terrible predator? Had they seen him for what he truly was? Or had he manipulated and twisted their minds to make them believe it was him they wanted...?

          I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. They kept fluttering closed for a moment or two and I was catching myself dozing off. Reluctantly, I knew I couldn't let myself fall asleep here and risk Leanna finding the journal... I doubted she would understand most of the words, but I would not put her at any greater risk than I already had... Now, I just had to find a spot where I could hide the journal. I would come back to it as soon as I could.

          The air was bitterly cold in the bedroom. I shivered as I got into my nightgown that wasn't nearly as thick as I would have liked. I crawled under the covers to join Leanna who did not stir from sleep as I circled my arms around her and held her close. I felt her steady breathing as I held her, wondering if I had made a terrible mistake... what if mother was wrong? What if there really was nothing in that journal that was worth risking Leanna for? What if Zander couldn't keep his mouth shut? I would never forgive myself if anything happened to Leanna... let alone if it was on my account... I clutched her tighter. Her life was far from perfect, but I envied her ignorance... her complete obliviousness to how much worse her reality really was... I longed to shelter her, to hide her from Founder Marco and to take her to that wide open field where I could keep her safe and she could live the life she wanted... free to be herself and to follow the desires of her heart...

          I drifted off to sleep... my dreams filled with images of myself... Leanna and Zander running through long grass that never seemed to end... to images of Founder Marco standing over me as tall as a house, his eyes ablaze as he pointed his finger at me in accusation. The second his finger pointed at me, huge beasts lunged out from the forest behind him. The Venge. In a flash, they were upon me, overwhelming me. I felt their powerful jaws sink into my flesh and I heard the ripping of skin and the sound of Founder Marco's menacing laugh... there was screaming... so much screaming. Was that Leanna? No, that was me... I could see strips of flesh being torn from me and devoured by the Venge as blood and matter splattered into their fur... onto my face... but then the scene would change again... and I was in the field... my mother was offering me her hand...

~

          The morning was tense to be sure. Nothing eventful happened and I went about my duties as usual. I was eager for the day's end... I wanted to get back to that journal. Who knew how much longer I had before Founder Marco went looking for it and discovered it missing? From the dust that had covered that chest, I hoped it would be a long time... I needed to learn what I could from it before he even realized it was gone.