ᴀɴɢᴇʟ ☑

60. One night's time

Jungkook

My spine felt steel with ice-cold liquid running down it when my eyes met Jimin's, peaceful and cold. A howl fled from my lips with his name and I held him like a fragile object that would crumble under my touch. There was so much blood, streaming red all over the white tiles. I felt like my soul has shredded inside me, leaving behind a dry husk. My heart kept dropping in my stomach, fists trembling. 

When I found my empty Jeep and Jimin's phone with no sign of him, I felt like someone was pouring acid on my head which was running down my body, but now, that feeling felt too simple, too sweet to describe the occurring in front of me. I felt every cell inside me yanked out of my body, leaving the open wounds exposed to tiny needles that were closing in together. It felt like Jimin pushed his hand inside my chest and closed his fist around my beating heart. 

That was three days ago.

I hadn't eaten in three days. I'd feel grateful if I could for Hanset for taking care of me in his condition. I would've passed out because of dehydration if he didn't force water on me. I wouldn't have cared either way. 

I was in this chair when the doctor was patching him up. I was here when everyone left. I was here when my father showed up with his deceitful consolation, I was here now.

I continued to sit there, holding his hand, feeling his pulse. It was stronger than the last two days, but it was still too weak.

I wasn't his first choice all those years ago.

I wasn't his first choice now. He'd rather die than have me.

Fine, then.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard Daven's voice. "You should get some air."

He was right. I should move. I should do something. Anything. Because my thoughts were perilous. I needed to stay away from myself. I shook my head, however. "Come on, Jungkook! He'll be fine. Doctor said so."

"Do you not like living, Hanset?" I asked him, keeping my voice down. 

"You also need a shower."

I stared at him.

He scrambled out of the room. 

Without wanting to, I exited the room and walked out of the house. Darkness greeted me, matching the explosive emotions inside of me. The music coming from a car passing on the nearby highway mocked me. I lost my shit, my legs giving out as I knelt on the grass, ripping it from the soil, my head joining my knees as I let out a hoarse wail, the pained sound reverberating in the open sky. 

The chilly air burned my tear-stricken skin as I took a few sharp breaths. My edginess remained, testing my sanity.

I knew Jimin was safe now, but how was I going to keep him safe if I wasn't with him? Or now as he proved it, my presence in his life meant he would endlessly try to end his own. Or if I promised him to let go, would he keep himself safe?

Since the moment I saw Jimin the first time, talking to Lance, smiling with his crooked tooth showing, I didn't think of anyone else. I didn't know how to start now.

The doctor had told me that Jimin was fine. He even went ahead to remove the big dressing circling his neck and replaced it with a gauze size of my palm over his neck. "The stitch marks will scar." He had mentioned. 

When I went back inside, I found the glass of water on Jimin's nightstand slightly empty. A sigh of intense relief crossed tore through me.

He was sleeping.

I finally passed out on the cold floor and I only woke up to the sound of the bathroom door shutting.

It was my cue to leave the room. Jimin might not know what he wanted to say to me, but I wasn't ready to talk to him.