The Trash and The Green Owl

1

(bold A/Ns: original authors notes that are solely on here and not copy-pasted from ao3)

(bold + italics A/Ns: copy-pasted authors notes from ao3)

A/N: so I asked this question over on A Side Character's Guide. It seems people want me to post more of my ao3 stuff on here, so here I am. posting.

i have absolutely no idea how well this fic will do on here. it's doing pretty well on ao3, which i find absolutely hilarious.

in case you don't already know, this fic is a crack crossover fic with a very special certain owl.

A/N: may add more chapters if y'all want it, otherwise it'll just remain a short one-shot

Cale was drunk.

He had to be. There was no other explanation as to what was currently happening. Either that or the war had caused him to lose his mind and he was hallucinating.

There was no way- no possible, conceivable way- that he was looking into the eyes of a human sized green owl he vaguely recognized from his life in Korea while sitting at the bar of a nearly empty bar.

"I've lost it," Cale murmured. "I've completely lost it." He looked down at his glass of alcohol, the amber liquid looking far less appetizing now that it had (possibly) made him hallucinate the Duolingo owl.

"Kim Rok Soo!" The owl chirped brightly, waddling over to where Cale was hunched over.

Great. Now he was hearing voices.

"Kim Rok Soo!" The owl chirped again, before its voice grew ever so slightly darker and a heck of a lot more terrifying. "You made Duo sad! You broke your streak!"

"Oh fuck." Cale let his head land on the bar's cool wooden counter. His red-brown eyes looked up to find the bartender staring in horror at the feathery green creature next to Cale. Cale lifted his head. "Hey, you!" he called to the bartender. "Can you see the owl?"

The bartender squeaked out something that sounded like a "holy god of death we're all going to die monsters are rising from the ground" before dropping the glass he had been cleaning and bolting out of the bar.

So maybe Cale wasn't as crazy as he thought.

"You made Duo sad!" the owl exclaimed again.

"Holy fuck." Cale sighed. This wasn't the weirdest thing to ever happen, he thought, slightly hysterical.

He turned to the owl. "My bad."

xxxxxxx

Cale wasn't exactly sure how he had gotten involved in an intellectual discussion about the Korean language with what apparently was an interdimensional god of language, but here he was, knee deep in a conversation with the green-feathered god in an empty bar.

"I always found it fascinating how your language came up with the work for a Swiss Army Knife," Duo said thoughtfully, swirling his cup of brandy that Cale had poured him from the bottle he had stolen. "Maekgaibeo. MacGyver. It's so interesting how languages are influenced by other cultures."

Cale nodded enthusiastically. "Or how the Korean language is vastly influenced by the Chinese language!"

The owl's eyes seemed to sparkle. "Yes, that-"

The bar's door flung open, Choi Han running inside with his sword in his hand. "Cale-nim!" Choi Han yelled. "The bar owner came and got me! I'm here to save yo-" He stopped in his tracks, skidding slightly as his eyes landed on the green owl next to Cale. His face filled with confusion. "Wha-"

"Choi Han, this is Duo," Cale said, introducing his new friend. "The god of languages."

"The god. Of languages."

"Yup."

Cale was enjoying the expressions on Choi Han's face immensely.

"The owl? Is a god?"

Duo nodded, a strange movement that looked odd on the owl. "Indeed!" the owl chirped. "Would you like some brandy?"

Choi Han looked like he was about to pass out. "Uh... no thank you?"

"Darn." The owl sipped his brandy. "It is quite tasty."

Cale sipped his own drink, his signature smirk spreading across his face.

How fun.