Saiki K PeePee

Ch. 8: Desire

The troublesome thoughts crested the horizon earlier than he had wished they would. He had certainly cared for her when he had disposed of the models from the mixer and been nervous around her during the 2 person projects. Now that he was faced with the prospect of actually interacting with her more, he didn't know if he had the guts to actually form anything close to a normal relationship.

He reflected back on the conversation they had that morning. Wanting to be friends with him still after all the trouble he subjected her to was outside of any of his models. Her attempts to disguise her thoughts were amateurish, especially against someone who had spent their entire life reading thoughts, but he gave her a pass for trying so hard. It was only right because she had given him a second chance as well. He did not like to be indebted after all. Of course she would try to put on a mask; it was the only thing she'd ever really known. She was very brave considering the fact that the only safe haven she ever had had been breached.

Once again, her work ethic and ironically her genuineness had won him over. He had expected her to spiral out of control once she knew the truth, but she just kept coming back. She certainly was frightened, but most of her reaction had been one of relief. It seemed like her act was more of a weight on her shoulders, a defense mechanism brought about by her circumstances rather than something she wanted to be. They really weren't very different after all. It was unlikely that her conceit would change very soon, but he was no better. It had been a half-joke, but there was some truth behind, "I do not bow down to mortals." He had always separated himself from others as if he was a different species from them and above it all. Saiki mused:

Perhaps the first step to being ordinary is believing that you are. Otherwise known to normal people as "fake it 'til you make it."

He shuddered at the thought that such a facile maxim could even come close to applying to someone such as himself, but small, measured steps were his only option moving forward. All of his other efforts to become an ordinary psychic had failed catastrophically. Doing the same thing over and over would not yield better results.

He wondered when the next time she would come around was. He didn't particularly care if she did because the status quo was just fine to him as well. He had already accepted that he would be a psychic forever. What was the point of putting effort into something that would very likely never bear fruit? The question racked his brain to the point of mental exhaustion. He had thought about it for what seemed like hours with no resolution. He had never been any good at understanding let alone changing the future when it came to people's interactions with him. He twinged again.

What am I saying? I can't get close to her. I want to become normal at my pace, not someone else's. I can't forget my obligations. Both the world and I could be ruined.

A nameless fear forced his way into his mind, but he was just barely able to get it under control before it consumed him. He had heard that school was starting tomorrow from reading Kaidou's thoughts, so he really needed a pick me up for all of the anguish he had been subjected to and would be subjected to tomorrow. He remembered he hadn't eaten any coffee jelly this whole story and was suffering some serious withdrawals. It was now late afternoon, so he would have to settle for convenience store coffee jelly.

There were a few barriers to his enjoyment of the heavenly delicacy. He had no money and he would not use teleport to prevent any more nasty surprises like the one yesterday. It was 183 yen for 3 of the cheaper variety so all he would have to do is make 200 yen to be able to afford a pack. But wait, if he bought 3 of the packs, he would save himself trips but have more on standby in case something like this happened again. However, he didn't want anyone getting in the way of his enjoyment and the more of it he had, the more likely someone would be to filch it from him.