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The soft and warm sensation of their previous kiss vividly came alive on Jongwoo's lips, along with all the memories he shared with Jiwoong.
From the first meeting where the independent trainees gathered to prepare for a level test, to all the stages they had performed together, it all poured into the heart like a pile of rocks. Mirotic, Here I Am, Back Door, Hot Summer, Not Alone... And now, they will never stand on the same stage together again.
Jongwoo's eyes became hot and his nose felt stuffy as the realization of the loss finally sank in. Uncontrollable chain reactions followed.
His heart churned as if experiencing motion sickness, the inside of the ribs crumpled, and it felt like the lungs were being squeezed, making it impossible to breathe. The ringing of tinnitus echoed in his ears.
Jongwoo lay on the floor of the practice room as if he had collapsed, struggling to catch his breath. He'd rather bite his tongue and die than show himself in this miserable agony to his friend who had kindly lent him the practice space, as coolly as if they had seen each other yesterday, without asking how the broadcast went or if he was okay.
He tightly grasped the name tag in his palm and made an effort to return to reality, feeling the pain of the sharp corner piercing his flesh. Yes, it's the end. It's over now, so pull yourself together.
The practice room door opened at that moment. Jongwoo quickly wiped his face with his hands and stood up.
"Oh, you're back! What do you wanna grab for lunch?"
He spoke with an exaggerated lively voice and turned around, but his friend walked in sluggishly, unlike his usual self.
"Hey, Jongwoo... you have a guest."
A guest out of the blue? Who knows I'm here? As his friend stepped aside, the person appeared. He had his face covered with a hat and a mask, but even from his silhouette, there was no mistaking who he was. It couldn't be true. Am I going crazy?
The moment he saw Jiwoong, the panic that he had been holding back burst out like a dam breaking. Jongwoo clutched his chest and fell back to the floor.
Jiwoong pushed his friend aside and rushed over to hug him.
"Jongwoo, what's wrong?! Are you okay?"
The warmth of Jiwoong's chest against his head felt comforting. His heartbeat echoed inside. And the familiar citrus scent. It led him back to reality. The reality where Jiwoong exists. The reality where Jiwoong stays by his side, never leaving anywhere.
It's a lie... but that sweet lie made him breathe again. Jongwoo tightly closed his eyes, afraid that it might be a dream that would disappear when he opens them.
Jiwoong turned to his friend and shouted urgently, "Call 911!"
Jongwoo, startled, opened his eyes wider and shouted louder, "No, I'm okay! Don't call."
Jiwoong held Jongwoo's face in his hand and asked worriedly, "Really? You sure?"
Jongwoo just nodded his head and turned his gaze away, unable to meet Jiwoong's eyes full of affection and concern.
"Why did you scare me like that..."
Jiwoong hugged him tighter and whispered, but Jongwoo, who had regained his senses, couldn't ignore his friend watching them blankly at the door anymore.
The situation where Jiwoong suddenly jumped in and hugged him like this, and now holding onto him so tightly that their faces almost touched, even after Jongwoo said he was already fine, was not at all natural.
"Um.. So, the thing is..."
He opened his mouth but immediately lost his way. He doesn't know how things are going himself, let alone explain it to someone else. Moreover, Jiwoong is now a newly debuted idol, can I even introduce him...?
As the awkward silence lengthened, his friend took a step back.
"Uh.. I'm going to the convenience store for a bit."
He went back to the convenience store without even putting down the convenience store bag in his hand. Hearing the sound of footsteps going down the stairs, Jiwoong took off his hat and mask.
"Why didn't you answer the phone?"
Jongwoo slowly got out of his arms and leaned against the wall.
"It's just... How did you find me here?"
"You thought I wouldn't be able to find you if you didn't answer?"
It was a calm voice as usual, but Jonwoo could tell that Jiwoong was holding back his anger. Good. If he gets angry a little more, he might leave me alone.
Jongwoo replied with a sigh, trying to sound nonchalant.
"Why are you looking for me on a golden holiday? If you don't have anything else to do, just sleep as much as you want."
Jiwoong had many advantages. The first thing that catches the public eye is, of course, his visuals, but the secret to why people keep lingering around him is probably his sense of stability, Jongwoo thought. Jiwoong has a strong sense of stability, not expressing his likes and dislikes dramatically and always staying put in any situation.
So it was the first time Jongwoo had seen Jiwoong make such a devastating expression. It just seemed like the muscles around his eyes tightened and his lips parted slightly, but it was clear to Jongwoo: a sight of something breaking behind his pupils.
He was scared. Scared of what he might see or what he might show. Jongwoo tried to get up and run away, but Jiwoong grabbed his hand tightly.
"I'm sorry."
Jongwoo's mind was blown away while the tension was relieved.
"What are you sorry for? Are you sorry for debuting?"
"No, not that. After the announcement... I should have hugged you tighter... I'm sorry for that."
As Jiwoong approached Jongwoo, who stood alone on the podium, and put his arm on his back, Jiwoong's remaining arm hung like a wooden doll. He didn't hold onto Jongwoo sobbing so hard with both arms because he was afraid of losing control, fearing he might forget about the cameras and the audience, and possibly even kiss Jongwoo's tear-streaked face.
While patting Jongwoo's back with one hand, Jiwoong had to bite the soft flesh inside his mouth several times to remind himself of who he was and where he was.
When Jongwoo didn't respond to his calls, the first thing that came to his mind was that moment. It was painful and regretful. But Jongwoo shook his head.
"That's nothing. I don't even remember."
"It's my fault that you don't remember."
Jongwoo looked down at Jiwoong who was half kneeling and said.
