Weakness | Natasha Romanoff

"She should have."

Olivia PoV:
I locked myself in the jet bathroom the entire journey back. I couldn't bare to look at Clint knowing what I did. I killed his kids and his best friend. I knew it was fake but the fact I was capable was enough for me to heavily distance myself.

I didn't care about the fact I needed stitches in my leg, sure it hurt but I didn't care.

Once I heard everyone leave the jet I opened the door and saw everyone go into the Barton household. Once the door closed I snuck off the jet and ran down the driveway and into the city.

It hurt my leg even more and made it bleed more but I was going the the pharmacy anyway. I ended up stealing a sewing kit and disinfectant.

I limped back to the Barton house which took longer than expected. By the time I got back it was dark. I sat on their porch steps and stitched myself up before hesitantly going inside.

Clint was cuddling with Laura on the sofa while watching tv. Their attention moved to me and I had to look away.

Clint got up and took me into the kitchen. "Natasha thinks she killed you." He stated as he got a beer out the fridge.

"She should have." I told him finally meeting his eyes.

"What did you see?" He asked and my eyes filed with tears.

"I killed my Tasha,...Lila and Cooper. Then I saw my dad and he was telling me how much of a monster I am. Then I killed Bobbi." I summarised for him as I broke down again.

"They are all ok, it wasn't real." Clint assured me but I shook my head.

"No but it could be." I replied before getting up and going upstairs. I managed to find a spare guest room and I got in the shower without thinking I had nothing to put on afterwards.

Luckily there was a towel so I crept downstairs and Clint let me borrow some of his clothes. I sat on the bed with my knees pulled up to my chest as silent tears streamed down my face in the dark.

I heard the door creek open so I turned the lamp on to see Natasha. I stood up off the bed. It took everything in me to not run over and hug her but I couldn't. Not after killing her, or 'killing' her.

"Don't do this, please." She practically begged but I shook my head as tears continued falling down my face. "You don't have to push me away."

"Yes I do." I replied looking at the floor, not looking at her. "What if I hurt you?" I hated how vulnerable I sounded but I pushed through.

"You won't." She assured me as she took a step closer to me.

"You don't know that, if that's what she made me see then I'm capable of it and I can't risk it. I would prefer to lose you and you be alive than be with you and you be gone."

"You won't, I know you won't because I know you better than you know yourself. You're my girl and I'm not letting you push me away. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." She told me as she cupped my face and forced me to look at her.

Tears ran down my face as I looked into her eyes. "Are you asking to..." I questioned with a smile on my face as she slowly nodded.

"Olivia Andrea Starmer...will you marry me?" She asked as she wiped the tears away from my eyes.

"Yes." I bluntly replied before kissing her. I felt her smile against my lips before we pulled apart. "Yes." I repeated with a smile on my face.

We moved onto the bed and I laid in her arms until I knew she was asleep. Once her breathing evened out I slid out her grasp and went downstairs. Luckily for me I overheard Clint telling Natasha the password to his laptop the other week so I put that in and went to google.

'Philip J Coulson released S.H.E.I.L.D files'

I had never looked at any of the files after S.H.E.I.L.D fell. I just guessed if I needed to know then Fury would've told me but after what Maria said I'm not so sure about that anymore.

I clicked on his file and I really wished I didn't.

Philip J Coulson

DOB: July 8th, 1964
gender: Male
height: 6,1
eyes: blue
relatives: Robert Coulson (bio, deceased)
Julie Coulson (bio, deceased)
Olivia Andrea Starmer (adopted, alive)
clearance: level 8
affiliation: S.H.E.I.L.D., Avenger's Initiative, Project T.A.H.I.T.I.

What the fuck is project T.A.H.I.T.I.? After writing down what the file said on a piece of paper I googled something else.

'Project T.A.H.I.T.I. released S.H.E.I.L.D. files'

This file was much harder to get into as it was coded and it kept rewriting itself. By the time I got into the file the time was 8:43am, I had 3 cups of coffee and Laura already took Lila and Cooper to school. Cooper made sure I was aware that I looked like Adam Sandler, in his dads clothes, which made me laugh slightly.

Project Terrestrialized Alien Host Integrative Tissue I (T.A.H.I.T.I.)

Project began: November 29th, 2010
Project goal: ability to save a morally wounded Avenger
Project location: guest house in [CLASSIFIED] guarded by Alpha and Beta
Background: unidentifiable, decaying alien corpse named G.H has been drained of of its bodily fluids into vials. Each vial was labelled with different numbers but all with the prefix GH. G.H.325 had the capability to resurrect the dead.
Side effects: the drug has severe physiological side effects that often left test subjects insane, paranoid, and without any will to live. Attempts to prevent these effects using memory replacement has had mixed results.
Notes: side effects on test subjects were too extreme and Agent Coulson resigned from his position and recommended the project get shut down. This didn't stop the project and later resurrected Agent Coulson himself.

That was way to much information for me. I leaned back in the chair I was in and let it sink in before getting another cup of coffee. I wrote down what the file said on the same piece of paper.

I deleted all proof I was ever on Clint's laptop before going over to the jet and getting a big bulky avengers laptop that Tony made. It had a facial recognition system so you upload a photo onto it and it checks through every social media post and every CCTV video on the planet.

I went back into the house and went back to my seat in the kitchen before opening my phone and finding a picture of my dad before plugging my phone into the laptop.

A bunch of footage came up and I scoffed as silent tears fell down my face. The most recent video was dated '11.07.2015, 4:32am, California (USA)' . Today was 11.07.2015 9:54am.

I got another cup of coffee before looking at hundreds of the videos. I cried the entire time.

I heard someone coming downstairs so I quickly closed the laptop and put my notes in my pocket. "What we're you looking at?" Tony asked. I was still pissed off with him for lying to me so I didn't reply.

I grabbed the laptop and put it back in the jet before sitting on the porch with my coffee. My finger traced the tattoo I got for my dad as I thought about how fucked up it was he didn't tell me he was still alive. I felt bad for snapping at Maria now.

[1293 words]