Enigma Stigma (ONC 2023 Entry)

11.

The next few days of Constance's life went by in a whirlwind. Now that Beom had agreed that they could be nobodies together, she found herself working at the bakery during the day and spending her afternoons with Beom at his camper van. Even though Beom was still tending to hold her at arm's length, she could see that he was also slowly but surely beginning to let some of his walls down.

As Constance walked towards his camper van that afternoon after work - two weeks after they had gotten to know each other - she hoped that she wasn't pressing her luck. Keeping the grocery bags dangling on her arms, she began to slow when the camper van came within view. Beom was already leaning against the outside of his camper van looking her way.

"That doesn't look like my cinnamon muffin," he remarked.

"Is that all you can ever think about?" asked Constance with a small laugh.

"No, but seriously though, what's in the bags?" asked Beom as Constance came to a stop in front of him.

"I decided that you can't just live off cinnamon muffins," said Constance, "So I stopped at a grocery store before coming over. I decided that I would cook you supper."

"You? Cook me supper?"

"Don't act so surprised," she said with a small huff.  "I'm going to assume you are surprised by the gesture and not by the fact that I can cook."

Constance turned her back on him as she walked over to the picnic area. She placed her grocery bags down onto one of the picnic tables before she began to dig things out. Beom stayed where he was for a moment before eventually walking over to her. He was intrigued to see what she was up to. He stood off to the side as he watched her begin to lay out the contents of the bags.

"Did you buy out the entire store?" he asked as the contents covered almost the entire surface of the table.

"I bought a lot of ingredients because I wasn't sure what you like on your hamburgers," said Constance. "You do like hamburgers, don't you?"

He nodded, moving to take a seat on the bench on one side of the picnic table. She took the mini bag of charcoal that she had bought and moved towards one of the grills nearby. Beom watched her as she worked, moving to lay out pre-shaped hamburgers onto the grill once it was ready to start cooking.

"What did you do today?" asked Constance as she cooked, trying to fill the silence that lingered in the air between them.

"Nothing much. I went for a walk then came back here to work on my music."

"Do you think I can hear a sample of your music sometime?" asked Constance.

Beom didn't immediately answer her question. She flipped the burgers and turned after to see that he was no longer sitting at the picnic table. Constance looked about and was just able to make out his back as he hopped up into his camper van. He re-emerged a few minutes later with the acoustic guitar she had seen before and his notebook. He sat back down at the picnic table without another word, sitting so that he could rest the guitar on his lap. He flipped open his notebook so he could look at some of the words that he had scribbled there. Constance never expected that he would share his music with her this easily, but she supposed that this was even more evidence that he was willing to let his walls down around her. She turned back to cook the burgers as he began to play a tune for her on his guitar.

The tune was hauntingly sad and the few words that he sang along with it just added to the somber mood. She was glad that she was occupied with cooking the burgers for the time being or he would have no doubt seen the look of sadness on her face. He finished playing after a minute or two, leaving silence to fill the void between them again.

"That was..."

"Rough, I know," interrupted Boem as she slid the cooked hamburgers off onto a sturdy paper plate.

"No, it wasn't," she said as she put the plate down on the table he was seated at. "It was real."

"Real?"

She nodded as she took a seat on the other side of the picnic table.

"I could see you in your music. I could feel the pain you feel," she said as she began to open up some of the pre-sliced veggies she had brought with her.

Beom didn't say anything as she moved to put an empty paper plate down in front of him as he put his guitar aside.

"Beom, you don't have to feel like you have to go through this alone," said Constance. "Remember, we're nobodies together. I'm here if you want to talk."

Beom just nodded his head instead of saying anything, which Constance took as good enough of an answer. She watched as he loaded up his hamburger before making her own; the two eating comfortably in the silence as the late afternoon sun winked off the surface of the lake.

"Thank you for the food," Beom finally said once he finished his burger.

"You're welcome," said Constance as she put the small bit of her burger that remained down onto her plate. "Do you think you have room for dessert?"

"Dessert?"

She nodded as she turned to open her messenger bag to place a bag with cinnamon muffins in it down in front of him.

"I'm surprised you and your sniffer didn't notice them sooner."

Beom gave a small smile as he moved to open the bag. Constance could see something beside the typical impish gleam twinkling in his eyes as he stared at the muffins for a minute instead of automatically diving into eating them like normal.

"Beom, are you okay?" asked Constance.

He nodded as he kept his eyes on the cinnamon muffins before bringing one up to his mouth. He took a bite and swallowed it before saying in a barely audible tone of voice, "My adoptive mother used to make these for me."

"She did?"

Beom nodded his head as he put the muffin back down inside the bag.

"What happened?" asked Constance.

"I decided to disappear," said Beom as if everything was just as simple as that.

"Why though?"

"There's a stigma with being an enigma," he said. "All my life, I've never fit in. My parents died when I was little. My adoptive mother found me outside her bakery and took me in and raised me as her own."

He paused in talking to grab a hold of the locket that he wore about his neck, opening it so that Constance could finally see the picture inside. Inside was a weathered version of a younger Beom and Darla, looking happy and carefree.

"I tried so hard to grow up and be someone smart and accomplished that she could be proud of - but every time I tried - I was reminded of how different I was than everyone else; how damaged I was. I decided that it would just be easier for everyone involved if I just vanished. In the end, I would just be some sort of burden that others would regret."

He moved out his hand so that Constance could clearly see the bracelet there.

"I didn't want to be able to be tracked down, so I created this bracelet that was supposed to make me invisible to everyone. Supposed to being the key word because - for some reason - you can still see me."

"It's okay to be different, you know," said Constance. "It's not a bad thing. Besides, there have to be people that miss you."

"Like who?"

"Like your adoptive mother," said Constance flatly.

"She's fine," said Beom dismissively. "I wasn't her child to begin with and I know her own family gave her grief for taking me in. She's probably happier now."

"That's not true."

"And how would you know?"

Constance didn't know when she was planning on telling the truth to Beom, but she knew that - when she did - she wanted to do it with tact. That strategy unfortunately went right out the window though as she replied, "Because your adoptive mother is currently my boss."