ROCKSTAR LIFESTYLE {COMPLETED}

12

CHANGE OF HEART

Beyoncé
NY
August 23rd

I scratched the back of my neck and looked over at Onika for confirmation. She looked like she wanted to laugh, but she swallowed it.

"You're getting better."

"It shouldn't be this hard to put on a damn diaper."

"You'll have all the practice in the world when the baby gets here," She rubbed my arm then went to the other side of the bed, laying down on her back, "Go again."

"Why don't you go?"

"Because I know how to change a diaper, unlike someone in this room."

I went at it again, changing the fake baby's diaper again. I couldn't get it completely right no matter what.

"The baby's not going to make it easy on you."

"Meaning what?"

"The baby is going to move. It's like you lay them down and their first instinct is to flail around and stop you. They're tricky."

"You sound like an expert."

"Or I've just changed a diaper before."

"Tryna be funny?"

"If the diaper fits."

She went quiet, her attention on the TV and her hand on her belly. Since I'd been here, she kept her hand there like she was protecting the thing. It confused me. She hadn't even seen the kid yet.

Robyn was like that too. Her and King were inseparable before he even came out the womb. I wondered if it was different because they were carrying, because they were sharing one body. I didn't know a damn thing about that.

"Nic."

"Hm?"

"You like being pregnant?"

"I'm trying to enjoy it but my baby mama is making things too hard for me."

"We talked about this."

"Sorry."

I tossed the fake baby and crawled up into the bed beside her.

"Did you just throw that baby?"

"It's not real."

"Pretend it is. Be gentle. You've gotta be gentle with kids."

I liked that about her. She was firm but she was gentle. I liked her because her intentions were good and she didn't want anything from me. She hadn't asked me for a dollar since I'd met her. She had good parents and her head was on straight. That was scary to me, and I couldn't really understand why. It scared me enough to still have me here locked up in her damn crib with no pussy, coming up with solutions to problems I didn't even know I had.

If I could be appreciated for my generosity, that would be nice too.

"I don't wanna tell you what to do and we've had this conversation before, but it wasn't really a conversation. You just told me no."

"If it was no then, there's a 90% chance that it'll be a no now."

"You should really move out there to LA."

"No."

I sucked my teeth, "Onika seriously. I can't be everywhere and there are only twenty-four hours in a day. I can't work and try to see all of my kids if they're not all in one place. Running out here to New York works now because I'm making it that way but I'm missing out on money just sitting here with you now."