Home is wherever i'm with you

Potions and Pastries that make you grow strong

Monday morning Maya knocked on the door of the Chief at half past 7.
"Chief Deluca-Bishop." Maya nodded. "Chief Ross. Good morning." "Come in. Sit. Why did you ask to meet me so early?" Maya took a deep breath. This was much harder than doing it with Carina. More specificly Carina doing it with her. "This is really hard." Chief Ross saw the fear in her eyes. "Take your time." "You must have heard that i collabsed at a call last week. I went to the hospital to get checked out. I thought i was just dehydrated. But after they did a bloodtest, we found out i.." Maya felt stupid. This was so hard. "I have been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia. I am starting my treatment today, thats why i needed the early appointment." Chief Ross stayed silent and looked over at Maya. Maya didn't look back. She just stared at her hands in her lap.
"I am very sorry, Chief." Maya nodded slowly. "I supose you are going on medical leave." "Kind of. I would like to continue doing some desk work. I need a purpose as long as i can. But in the beginning i will take two weeks off, like i already put in. " "Absolutly. What ever you need." Chief Ross nodded. Maya sighed. "I have to resign of active duty until further notice. As much as i hate it. It is not possible right now." "I am sorry to hear that." Chief Ross was cold and reserved. She hurt for her young collegue and  it pained her to see her like this, but she wouldn't show it. "I assure you, your service will be covered. And we will find you some desk work." "Thank you, Chief." "Your welcome, Deluca-Bishop. I wish you good luck." Maya stood up. "Thank you. Have a nice day." Maya walked out and the minute the door was closed, she felt like she couldn't breath. Panik rose and her chest closed. Breathing became harder and she sat down on the stairs and reached for her phone. "Hey Bambina, how did it go?" "I..i.. can't...breath.." Maya gasped. "Are you having a panikattack?" "Yes.. i..i..my.." "Bambina. Hey. Hey. Breathe. In... out... in.. out. " Carina talked to her and reminded her to breathe and eventually Maya calmed down. "I will meet you at the hospital." "Thank you. I love you." "I love you, too Bambina. Drive carefully."

They checked Maya into the hospital and changed into a gown. Carina and her were both not saying a word while they waited for the nurses to take Maya to surrgery. It'll only take about an hour for them to implant the port, but it felt like ages to Carina.
She stayed in her office, waiting for Dr. Lindner to page her.

"Hey." Carina said as Maya opened her eyes. "Wow. That was the best sleep i had in days." Maya slurred. Carina cuckled. "I am a tiny bid jelouse. But i am glad you are feeling good." Maya yawned. "Close your eyes, Bambina." "I thought i'd get to go home after." "Yes. But if you are sleepy, you should sleep." Maya nodded. The anestheasia made her brain cloudy.

After an hour Maya woke back up. Dr. Lindner checked the surgerysite and sent them off. "See you tomorrow, Maya." "See you." Maya said, still very sleepy.

At home Maya went straight to bed and sleep again. The port in her chest felt weird and she felt the anxiety of the next few days start bubbling up again.
Carina bussied herself with housework until the girls came home at 4. They had decided to put Meena and Louise in the afternoon class. And eventhough the paperwork wasn't through yet, the teachers offered to take them from today.

"Mamma. I love the afternoon." Meena said as she ate a small snack at the kitchen counter. Louise and Ellie were in the livingroom. "Why is that?" Carina asked. "We got to eat and we had chocolat pudding for desert." "Oh. Nice." "And then we took a nap. We got to listen to songs and rest on a mattress. I didn't sleep, but Ellie sleeps." "I know. Ellie loves to nap." "And then we did homework and the other kids practiced their letters. Louise and i got to help them. They were learning the letter P." "And you and Louise got to help the other kids write the letter." "Yes. We got to draw on the window." Meena told Carina like it was a secret." Carina smiled. "That sounds cool." "Yes. And then we played in the garden. We threw snowballs." "Wow. That sounds great." "But you can not throw snowballs at people. Just at trees or walls." "That is very smart. I am glad you like the afternoon. I am sorry everything is a little hard right now." "I know, Mamma. I love you." "Te voglio bene, amore." "Te voglio bene, Mamma."

Carina sat up and breathed heavily. She tryed to calm down her racing thoughts, but her brain wouldn't stop. Maya wasn't deeply asleep aswell and felt the movement. She turned to see Carina in a panikattak. "Hey. Hey. Its okay. I am here. You are okay." Carina had had nightmares over the last nights, but she hadn't told Maya. Carina took a few deep breaths. "Right. Deep breaths. Good." Maya stroked over Carinas sweaty face. "I need a new shirt." Carina said. "Do you want to talk about it?" Carina shook her head. Maya nodded. "Alright. Change you shirt and come. I want to hold you." "You are the one getting cancer treatment, i should be comforting you." "I am okay. You just had a nightmare and you are not feeling well. Let me hold you." Carina snuggled in Mayas embrace. "I need you. Please don't leave me." "I'll try my best."

"Okay Maya. We will access the port. Because it is so new. It might hurt a little. " "Squeeze my hand, Bambina." Carina said. Maya winced slighly as the nurse put the needle in. "Good. All done. I will flush your port and then set up the treatment. Your bloodwork was good yesteday so you will only get the chemo." "How long does it take?" both Carina and Maya had not fallen back asleep after Carinas nighmare, anxiety too high. "About two hours." Maya nodded. The yellowliquid was running now and it felt a little weird in Mayas chest. "Are you feeling okay?" Carina asked as Maya frowned. "Yeah. Just weird." "We will add some medication to counteract the sideeffects preventativly." The nurse said and pushed a clear liquid in Mayas port. "Thank you." "You're welcome. Now, if you need anything just ring." Maya nodded. The room they were in was weird. There were 25 armchairs and some normal chairs. In about half of the armchairs patients sat. "It makes me feel so sick, being in here." Maya said. The other patients have obvousily been here longer. They had lost hair and weight and looked very much sick. "You are sick, Bambina. But i do hope it doesn't hit you as bad." "And if it does, it will be okay aswell." Carina nodded and Maya yawned. "Get up." Maya frowned. "Get up. Let me sit and you can cuddle ontop of me."  "Yes." Maya nodded. She was longing for some comfort. Carina sat down and pushed the backrest back, that they were almost laying down. Maya sat down on her lap and currled up into Carinas chest. Carina loved this cuddly, soft side of Maya. She held her close and played with Mayas hair. "Do you want to listen to some music?" Carina asked. Maya nodded. Carina switched something on. Maya could listen to music via her hearingaids, which was quite practical and Carina just added her headphones to the phone and switched on their playlist.