I'm Ok

Chapter 5

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    I waited for hours for any news about Eli. I paced back and forth and refused to talk to anyone. "Miss, we can treat you for your nose first." "Is Eli ok?" "Miss, we have no information right now, he came in critical condition. We will inform you when information is available." I felt myself getting tired but I was scared to miss any information. I sat down to check my phone and realized Adonis had texted me. "Evermore? Where are you? My mom doesn't know when to get you." I ignore his message and lay down in the waiting room/ seats. I felt myself drift to sleep. I had been at the hospital for 10 hours and hadn't had good sleep since the football field. I put my phone under my hands and went to sleep.

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   "Miss?" I feel a tap on my shoulder. "Hmm?" I stretch slightly and turn my head toward the nurse. "Is it about Eli?" "Yes miss, Elias is in recovery and will most likely be released with only a few broken bones, needing crutches and physical therapy. I sit up. "Does that mean?" "Yes miss, you may go see him." I shot up from the seat. "Thank you so much! What room?" "304." I grabbed my phone and ran to room 304. He was lying down facing the window. "Eli?" I say in a soft tone walking into his room. "Eve- Evermore. You came to visit me?" "Of course I did!" I felt hurt by the fact he called me Evermore, I guess he was still slightly mad. "Eli, are you ok?" "Yeah, I'm great." He tried to sit up but he whimpered and sat back down. "Ow." "Do I need to get a doctor?" I walked closer to him. "No, I'm fine. It's just my back." "Are you sure?" "Yes, Eve." "What happened?" "I got hit by a car. How's the thing with Adonis?" "I- we." "Oh." "No! Not that." "Oh, what happened then?" He attempted to sit up again and got himself at an angle. "Well, we kissed." He sighed. "I'm happy for you." "I'm not." "Why? You kissed the boy you love." "Eli." I looked into his eyes for the first time since I walked in. His bruised beautiful face. "Don't do this to me, Eve." "Eli, please." "Eve don't. You don't love me, you pity me." "Eli, I love you." "Eve...please stop. You do not love me." "Eli, you know I love you." "Don't look at me like that Eve. Don't lie to me." "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." "Don't start with your smart bullshit. I can't deal with it right now. Just go back to Adonis." "He has a girlfriend Eli." He sighs. "That's what this is about? Second choice. You don't see me as the choice you see me as optional, as some delusional lover boy who is obsessed with you. I'm your fucking best friend, Eve. I almost died, my life flashed before my fucking eyes and it's way too damn short to sit here, blind waiting for you to pity fuck me. Get the fuck out of my hospital room, Evermore." "Eli.." "Please don't make me call a nurse to escort you." I felt my eyes begin to burn. My vision was blurred with tears. I stepped back from the bed and walked out. I started to cry as I tried to grab my phone and ask Adonis for a ride home.

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   I wiped my tears as Adonis's mother pulled up to the hospital. "Honey..." "Please just take me home." I sat down in the car and went on my phone. I looked through the photos of me and Eli as I started to cry more. I tried to be silent to avoid confrontation about it. All our past conversations. All his "I love yous" with nothing but hearts and kiss emojis. All his "Be safe's" and "You are my everything's". All the signs I ignored and said were platonic. Why the fuck did he has to ruin us? Pity fuck? Really. That's how he felt about me? I told him I loved him and he said I wanted a pity fuck. Did I really want to pity fuck him? I never thought of him in this way before. I never loved him like now, I've never craved him like now. Why did I do this to myself, why couldn't I just love him as who he is, not what he can give me? I was treating him as how Adonis treated me. Just a pity fuck.

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   I walk into Adonis' house and he runs to me and hugs me. His hands are at the bottom of my waist. "Evermore." I look up to see Zara's smile fade as she stares. We make eye contact before she leaves the room. "Evermore, you had me worried sick." He releases me from the hug. "Sorry, Eli. A car crash. It was a lot. Uhm I have to go talk to Zara." I go to walk away but he grabs my hair and pulls me back toward him. "Don't tell her anything about us or I'll kill you." He kisses me on the neck and lets go of my hair. "I-" "Bye." He walks out of the house. I stand for a second before remembering to go talk to Zara. "Zara!?" I yell as I walk up the stairs. "Zara?" I hear crying from Adonis's room as I slowly open the door. Zara wipes her tears and looks at me. "Zara.." I walk towards her and sit next to her. "Zara." I touch her shoulder. "Are you ok?" "I already know." "Know what?" "He loves you. He thinks about you every second of the day. He hasn't loved me like that in months but feels some sort of obligation to stay with me. Like he owes me. I thought if I put myself out there more, dressed sexier, was more relaxed, anything, would make him want me again. He wants you." "Zara..." "Don't apologize to me Evermore. It's not your fault." She rolls her shoulder making my hand come off of it. "I'm so sorry." "Evermore, you deserve him. He will love you. He can't love me." She wipes her tears again. "Zara I can't do that to you." "Evermore, please. I just want him to be happy." "I-" I hesitate but get up. "Please, leave." "I understand." I walk out of the room. What have I done?