It's The Last Thing - Everlark

It's The Last Thing

It's the last thing she wanted.
Link to song used! https://open.spotify.com/track/6INztpNwOTlfSKTuPo0HOP?si=73TAtZhQRbmsX9RQdiHEbw&context=spotify%3Asearch%3Athe%2Bal

Katniss POV
He sat, body still but I could tell his mind was racing. He doesn't meet my eyes as I walk in but I see them following my feet. His hair falls messily and he's wearing the stone grey knit I once told him I liked. He has the radio playing and his sugarless tea has gone cold.

'Can I sit?' I ask but I'm already moving to sit beside him. He 'hmms' in agreement? I think it's in agreement. Agreement or not my thigh touches his crossed knees as I sink into the cold leather couch although the feeling of my skin touching his might be even colder.

He had been back in 13 for 2 months now, 2 long months, at least they were for me. After the initial week of his comedown and outbursts he has barely said anything, not to me, not to the doctors who've deemed it safe for me to come see him like this. But the thing that gets me is he still hasn't looked at me, he's looked at others, Prim and the doctors, but him and I have not locked eyes since he's been back. Mine have just been burning into his skull, I've reverted to child-like games and have been trying to mind-control him into looking at me. It's not worked.

I don't even know what I've come in here to say, all I know is I need him to look at me.

Peeta POV
I hear the door open but I don't look up, I can feel it's her. I follow her feet as she asks,

'Can I sit?'

I 'hmm' in acknowledgement, not that she needed a response because she's already sat beside me, her thigh brushing my crossed knee. The radio I forgot I had on plays quietly in the background of our silence.

It's the last thing you wanted, (tell me which side are you on dear)

Why'd she come in? I wonder what she's been up to? Has she been thinking about me? My thoughts are cut off by her nonchalantly saying,

'So, what's up?'

What's up? It almost angers me, what does she mean what's up? She knows what's been up, why I've shut down like this, she knows it all. I furrow my brow in confusion which she obviously notices, I can feel her eyes piercing into my head.

'I didn't think that'd work.' She murmurs in response to my silence, I can hear the hint of sarcasm on her lips and it almost makes me smile, but I don't.

Katniss POV
I swear I saw the corner of his lips twitch into a smirk. No. He hasn't looked at me let alone smiled at me since he's been back.

It's the first thing you do, (give me some tips to forget you)

I wonder if he knows how hard I fought to get him here. How much begging and pleading it took me, I even fucking cried to Coin and Plutarch about it. And when he finally came back, he was fucked! I can't help but get angry about it, the thought of what they put him through tears me apart but still, I'm angry about it, I'm angry at him because I'm selfish. Prim says I'm not but I know I am.

I mean wouldn't anyone be? I thought he was dead, I grieved him for months before I found out he was alive. Then I got my hopes up so high only for him to come back like this. Fucked.

Tell me your problems, (have I become one of your problems?)

After the selfishness always comes the realisation it was all because of me. While I grieved him he was the one going through hell yet here I am still thinking about myself. But I'm thinking about him, but only for myself, I–

I sigh in frustration as my thoughts spin out of control and it snaps me back to reality. I find myself not looking at him anymore though, I sit with my head in my hands watching him place his feet down as he unfolds his legs.

Peetas POV
She's been sat there for a couple of minutes now, eyes burning into the side of my face. She's obviously thinking but what about? How much I've plagued her since I've been back? How I'm nothing like the person she once knew? I mean I think I've been getting better ever since coming to 13, I don't remember all my outbursts but I do know I'm getting better.

A few more minutes pass and I've had enough of the silence.

'Have I become one of your problems?' I blurt out. The words leave my mouth before I've even thought about the fact this is the first thing I've said to her in the 2 months I've been here.

My words startle her as she whips her head out of her hands to face me.

'Peeta I–' Her emotion-filled voice starts before she cuts herself off.

And I tell you the truth, (could it be easy this once?)

Katniss POV
Once he's spoken I'm now realising I wish he never did. I mean what the fuck am I meant to say? I thought about what our first conversation might be if he ever spoke to me again but now it's happening I'm lost for words.

'Peeta I–' I say but I can feel I'm about to cry; I stop talking before I start.

I take a deep breath.

'Yes, you have.' I say, this time emotionless.

I can tell my truth shocks him as he swings his head to almost face me but he stops at my hands in my lap. I'm aimlessly fiddling with the pearl he gave me. I didn't even think about it but now he's looking at me holding it I'm suddenly thinking I shouldn't be. His eyes linger there as I roll the small, sentimental thing between my fingers. I take another deep breath, this time I really need it.

It's the last thing you wanted, (everything that's mine is a landmine)

'I thought you were dead, I thought they left you in that arena to die. I grieved you thinking it was all my fault.' That deep breath didn't help because I can feel my tears welling up.

'Then I find out your alive but being fucking tortured? And it's all my fault again? It was almost worse, I wished you were dead instead of there going through all of that.' I looked at his temples which still have the faintest bits of bruising on them.

'But when you came back I thought it would all be fine again, I thought they'd have a magic cure and we would be back to how we were before but no.' I'm sobbing now but there's no turning back.

'This was all my fault, this is all my fault, I mean look at you!' My words spit at him.

'I'm so selfish Peeta, I want it to all go back to normal!' I'm angry not at him but at myself as tears stain my face.

It's the first thing I do, (did my love aid and abet you?)

'I will never be able to forgive myself.' I've given into the sadness as I sob, my head back in my hands.

My chest heaves with heavy, hearty sobs; I don't think I've cried like this before, not even when I thought he was dead. I'm not expecting him to respond, I've probably fucked it for another 2 months at least. I just sit, curled over letting myself cry and mourn the person who sits beside me.

My eyes are squeezed shut but I can feel something piercing into my head. I turn my now bloodshot eyes towards him and surprisingly he's looking at me. We lock eyes, his also full of tears.

I tell you that I think I'm falling...

Peetas POV
I'm stunned watching her sob, her words have left me shocked, saddened, confused, but not angry. Before I lose confidence and the raw emotion I stare at her repeatedly thinking 'look at me, look up, look at me.'

It works.

She turns to me, her grey eyes are bloodshot and her face is puffy from crying. We lock eyes. My body now on autopilot crashes into her for a hug. I've startled her again as she tensely sits with my arms around her but in an instant, she's holding me tightly. We rock side to side soothing each other as we embrace. Without knowing it this is what I've been longing for, all those months after the arena and this, this is all I need. I've forgiven her.

...back in love with you