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i'm sorry for ever doubting your love mom.
please stop hitting me, i'll drink from the red cup your friend gave me. please don't let them drag me to your bedroom, i don't like the things they do to me.
i love you i love you i love you stop stop mommy please stop i cry out in pain. i heard your belt and bottle drop onto the ground as i hold myself in a fetus position. please say your sorry and hold me tight as you heal my wounds. i stay in the corner hugging myself, i'm too scared to move, what they might do to me if i do move. i lay there and silently sob.
there's a girl i remember who was one year my senior, she had short black hair and bangs. i remember times when she held me tight into her arms, she felt warm. i can't remember who she is, but i want to be held by her in her arms again. i try to remember but with each passing day, i seem to remember less. i can't remember from when i was a kid. mom said before that we used to live in korea, and the only thing i can remember is the girl with short black hair and bangs.
i let myself be dragged as for the first time i felt some kind of emptiness. was this how it felt like to feel nothing? i didn't seem to care. i let myself be dragged into my bedroom. my mom slightly panted and dropped my legs. i looked at her and felt nothing.
no not nothing..but rather an unwanted feeling i've always been afraid of towards my mother. hatred.
no no NO.
i CANT feel this way, if i did then everything i did would go to waste. no no no, make this feeling stop
the next day i look into my mirror. my dark eyes filled with emptiness as i lift up my shirt and see the marks left by her belt.
