A/N - ok shoot me it's been SEVEN YEARS?! since an update. my bad.
Zayn's swift departure from 1D messed me up so bad that I quit writing, then I finished school, went and completed a whole degree, and then a global pandemic hit? It's no wonder I've been away so long, and I hardly expect anyone to read (or remember) this story. But if you are here, I hope you're okay, I hope you're healing, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Lots of love,
Leanne (formerly known as Charlie, but I don't need a pseudonym now. I'm not 17 anymore.)
x
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XXXIII. red lips I know
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Danny, Louis, Niall and I were driving back to England, whereas Harry and Liam decided to take the plane. At least some of us cared about the planet, I told myself initially. However, by 2pm, when googling how to fix a car was no longer permissible unless we wanted to break something and die, I realised a plane might have been a better idea. Fortunately, a mechanic eventually turned up.
Sitting down on the curb beside Louis, he lit a joint, the smell immediately flooding my senses. Louis always seemed to have one with him these days: helps me cope with stress, he once said. I realised that we had all been self-medicating in different ways recently. Our fans were incredible, but the life of fame and fortune also came with stress, sleepless nights, and the paps down your throat.
Louis coughed and passed it onto me, blatantly ignoring the fact that we were celebrities smoking weed in a public place. Still, I gladly took it and inhaled. "This isn't good for our lungs," I clapped my hand to my chest.
He shrugged, calling Niall over. "Lighten up, Zayn. You've started being so serious."
I rolled my eyes, "Never knew love was something to take seriously."
He sighed, but didn't reply when Niall came and sat next to me, exuding happiness. He was practically bouncing.
"You alright?" I asked him.
Niall smiled, "Yeah, I love Danny. He's so great."
I rolled my eyes, bringing the blunt to my lips once again. On a long exhale, I lay back on the grass, joint still in my mouth, and stared at the sky through my hazel eyes. I couldn't quite focus and I felt hazy, but it was the good kind of hazy.
It was like inhaling happiness.
"You think Thalia will miss you?" Niall asked, his leg bouncing as he picked up stones from the ground.
I blew out smoke rings into the warm air and handed the joint to Louis, who was checking his phone and shielding his eyes from the sun simultaneously.
"She always misses me."
I heard Danny snicker in the background and he remarked, "Is that why she moved to a different country, then?" Fuck. Louis laughed too. I suddenly felt everyone's eyes on me, waiting.
"Well, it didn't help that I cheated. I would've left too." I said defensively. It was fine for Thalia and I to discuss our issues, but for Louis and Danny to bring it up without her there...I felt an anger light up within me.
"Come on, Zayn. Why are you even trying with her? She's so fucking dull." Louis berated.
I felt my jaw and fists clench, then unclench. "Don't be a prick. You don't know her."
Niall leaned over, sensing the tension. "Alright lads, cool it."
Louis scoffed and Danny rolled his eyes, replying "All I'm saying is it's not gonna work. A girl like that will drag you right down with her."
My eyes and chest felt heavy as I huffed out a "You don't know her."
I don't know why I didn't punch him right there, why I didn't say more, do more.
Perhaps part of me knew he was right. Thalia was accustomed to the dark, to her suffering. On some nights, I would catch her staring into the pale dark night with a smile. It was like she belonged to it, somehow. A person like that couldn't live in the light too long without being scorched.
As Louis and Niall diverted the conversation to other topics, I rubbed my chest instinctively, feeling the vacancy there fill with sadness. Maybe the boys were right. Or maybe I was just high and insecure. Either way, I would have to continue this tour without Lia and pray that the darkness didn't claim her once again.
YOU ARE READING
misfits // z.m
Fanfiction"Her hazel eyes seemed to scintillate, as though the stars itself had been poured into two twinkling, golden rings. She looked at me watchfully, unsure of me and my uncharacteristically bold move. Everything was so much clearer when I was with her...
