idiots || kenickie murdoch

xviii - every life

song recommendation for this chapter :
baby, i love you - the ronettes

author's note : hi. sorry for my absence. life has been rough, to say the least. enjoy this much needed update. if i'm honest, the story for these two may be ending soon. i'm running low on stamina.

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once ready, i went downstairs for coffee. joey was already up mindlessly watching tv on the couch. i grabbed two mugs and poured coffee for me, and him. i added cream to mine and left joey's black. just the way he likes it after a rough night. i handed it to him and nodded, taking a slow sip.

we were quiet for a bit. nothing but the sound of the morning cartoons filled the space between us.

joey took a slow sip of his coffee and finally broke the silence, "so....you gonna go visit him?" i sipped my own coffee and nodded. "are you sure you're ready for that? it's okay if you-"

"joey. i gotta go visit him."

he nodded solemnly. "i'll take ya."

we finished our cups, put them in the sink, and got in the car. he flipped on the radio, but the top story was still what had occurred last night so he quickly flipped it off again. i don't know if he did it for my sake or his own. the ride was only about 15 minutes, but with the deafening quiet between us, it felt like forever. eventually, we made it to the hospital. joey pulled up to the front, "i'm gonna go find a parkin' spot. you go in and find kenickie." i nodded and went through the sliding double doors.

an older woman sat behind a desk. she had a small round face accentuated by her light blonde bobbed hair. she looked up from her book and smiled at me. "hi, darling! how may i help you?"

i fidgeted with the hem of my t-shirt. "um. hi. im here to visit someone. uh, kenickie murdoch?" she turned to a filing cabinet. she flipped through files for a second and then looked back up at me. "yes, kenickie. he's in room 205. just so you're aware, he may be a little out of it. his wounds were quite traumatic, but he's expected to make a full recovery." she smiled again as if she didn't just tell me to prepare for whatever laid behind door 205. i thanked her swiftly and made my way down the hall and up the stairs to the second floor.

now i stand in front of the door labeled with the number 205. underneath the numbers was a sticker simply labeled "murdoch". my hand reached for the door knob, and with a deep inhale, i twisted the knob open.

the lights were off in the room, the only thing illuminating the room was the sunlight from outside. it was completely quiet except for the periodic beeping of machines. wrapped in a stark white sheet laid the sleeping frame of kenickie. my eyes slowly went over him, and stopped before i could glimpse at his face. another deep inhale, and i looked at him. bandages laid flush against his cheeks and part of his forehead. a black eye brandished his left eye, swollen and purple. i don't know how i didn't notice his busted up face when i found him. it was like all of this formed over night.

tears pricked the corners of my eyes. was this my fault? would any of this even occurred if i never showed up here? as i stared, mulling all these thoughts over, kenickie's eyes opened. "hey, doll." his voice was hoarse and gravely and was barely above a whisper. he smiled softly at me and attempted to sit up. i hurried to his side as he winced. "no. i don't think sitting up is a good idea." he stared for a minute before laying back down. his hand reached for mine which i carefully took. the tears finally fell from my eyes and streamed down my cheeks. with his other hand, kenickie reached up and pushed away my tears. "don't cry. 'm alright." i scoffed at him putting the hand on my cheek back at his side, "yeah you look alright with all these machines and ivs attached to you."

he hummed, "i'm alright now that you're here."
i laughed lightly, "you're an idiot ya know that?"
"yeah, but i'm your idiot," he smiled.

my idiot.

i pressed both our hands against my forehead. a small sob escaped me. there was so many things i wanted to tell him. apologize, admit my feelings, just tell him everything. but i couldn't. my own voice betraying me and only coming out in cracked sobs. all i could do was hold his hand against me and cry. he let me have my moment, uttering words of comfort as much as he could. i don't know how long we sat there like that but it ended once i heard the door click open. i peered up and spotted my brother, staring at the both of us, eyebrows knitted together in concern. "hey, am i...um, interrupting?"

i pulled myself up, letting go of kenickie's hand. i wiped away all the tears streaking my face. "no, no. you're good, joey." he just nodded and studied kenickie. "how ya doin' bud?" kenickie nodded looking down at his frame hidden in the thin hospital sheets, "pretty alright. all things considered." silence then filled the space between the three of us. it was like no one dared to breathe.

a gentle hand knocked on the door frame. a woman with black hair stood there adjusting her pinned hat while waiting for room to come in. "mr. murdoch? just letting you know visiting hours for the morning are about over soon," she glanced at me, "so people can get their lunch and medication for the day." her smile was soft, but a sadness hid behind it. i hummed and stood from my chair. "i'll wait for ya outside." with that, joey left the room waving slightly in kenickie's direction.

kenickie looked at me, waiting for something. but i'm not sure what. he grabbed my hand again, weak in his grip. "i'll be out soon, okay doll? wait for me." he kissed my knuckles, a gentle peck on each one. i leaned down and kissed his forehead.
"i'd wait for you in every life."