In Our Similarities, Our Differences Were Glaring

His Side

Lost in translation, I would call us star-crossed lovers. There seems to be a wall built up between us, and in my stubborness to make things work, I compromised too much.

We were optimistic.

Yes, I do believe in soul mates because the first few times we locked eyes it was no ordinary moment, I've never seen heaven's gates because I'm very much alive but I swear that even by not dying I've seen a Godly paradise just by looking in your eyes. I've been held captive by the subliminal movements in your smile.

An out of body experience, transported to another dimension where the mention of your name sounded like scripture.

I praise the most high for giving me the chance to meet you, willing to give you the world even if all else points to the fact that I'm not the man to give it to you.

Like most beginnings, this started so innocently friendly messages turning into late night conversations. I asked you on a date hesitantly as the crack in my voice appeared from being so nervous that I might mess up a friendship that had been solid for years yet the risk was worth taking cause clearly we have started to be more than just peers.

You said yes, and I called to confirm that we still had these plans as the clock started ticking down I had to figure out what to wear and you said you'd be late because you were still doing your hair.

I arrived at the location, sweaty palms, and anticipation even though I'd come prepared. Alternating between sitting down and standing up "Five minutes" you texted and time stopped, my heart beating out of my chest, is it the poet in me that counted the steps you took when you entered the room and hugged me, an embrace that still lingers on my mind constantly. You looked like a painting, and I wish I was Da Vinci so I could encapsulate your effortless perfection in a different art form cause at that moment Mona Lisa paled in comparison to the woman I just layed my eyes on.

We looked for a conversation starter. I think we were both amazed as to how we got here, but I'm glad we got here. The night went better than I could've anticipated if it wasn't you finishing my sentences. It was you relating to me on a deeper level that I did not expect. It was such a relief knowing we actually had chemistry. The last thing I wanted was for this to be forced. You voiced your concerns about how this would work. See initially, you had plans of being single this year, and here I am, making it clear that I'm trying to pursue you. My intention is to be more than a friend. I'm not asking for your heart on a silver platter. I'm asking for the opportunity for that to be a realistic possibility.

"Don't break my heart, Ludger, you said." This was after we were both a few drinks in, and the clock was about to strike twelve how time flew by so fast I could not tell. My response was, "The only thing I'm planning on breaking is the wall you've built up ."

You heard different things about me. Some said I was a player. Others said I was a simp, but you had to make up your own mind about what these assumptions meant. I heard things too, but I couldn't let half truths creep in and change the way I view you.

It was getting late time to drop you off and sneak in a few more kisses before I said goodnight, on the ride home I couldn't help but wonder did I really meet the one I can actually take the risk of falling for or is this another one of those mistakes I make falling to quick putting pressure on you to catch me yet why am I so certain you would be the one to catch me this time. I arrived home and couldn't sleep, so naturally, I checked your Instagram to see if you posted, and as if destined, there came that notification "Are you home safe" you just wanted to make sure I was okay and discuss what just took place.

You wanted to reiterate that you felt what I felt too, that you saw me just like I saw you. I was tired, so I thought it's best we continued the conversation in the morning when we were both sober enough to articulate what we wanted to say properly.

The sun came up, and with one swipe on my phone, your name came across a single question "Hey You Up?" I admired the energy showing interest in a generation that's so passive. I reciprocated asked you if we could meet somewhere because, in all honesty, I just wanted to be around you again.

You agreed to a walk, I said I'd buy you ice cream. I wanted to look you in your eyes and get lost in deep conversation. Tell you my hopes and my dreams. I'd go slowly to not scare you off this time. I'd try and be more open, not like in all my past relationships where my unwillingness to raise the curtains of my psyche built a wall that was too hard to climb.

For you, I'd open my windows dust of my cupboards and even clean the floors, make an environment you could be comfortable in. We met up, and even though it was only for the second time, I swear I've encountered your soul before you felt familiar, so it was easy even seamless talking to you and in my own arrogant way I assumed you felt the same.

I walked with you holding your hands so everyone could see the person I was into your take on public affection was different than mine, but we found a compromise you repeated that you believed in taking things slow not moving to quickly I assumed this was you speaking from the experiences of your past loves.

Well love, I am not like the men before me.

We circled your house a couple of times the conversation flowing, so you didn't want to go back inside but as the hours passed by it was best to do so, a kiss goodbye and a wave to seal yet another encounter till next time. Being with you felt sublime, and being apart from you felt agonising. How did I get so attached? Is it because we matched? Not that we didn't have our differences. Our similarities made up for it in all the right ways.

We became official after the one link another followed suit me wine and dining you proving that I just didn't want to have sex with you. I believed that our intimacy could stretch more than just me being inside you. One night I asked you to come over and spend the night you were hesitant stating that your first night over wouldn't lead to anything sexual how wrong you were in that assessment because as soon as you came over the sexual tension was evident. One thing led to another, and you were wrapped in my covers the next morning I gave you want you needed slow kisses and caresses steering away from fast penetration rather pleasing you the way it was intended by paying attention to what your body reacted to.

What occurred in that room remains a secret, but one thing was for sure a part of me will always stay with you.

Seamlessly playing the role of boyfriend and girlfriend now, the cracks started to show you struggled with accountability, and I had no patience to explain to you why I reacted to the situations you put me in. A simple "Hey, I understand what I did wrong, and I will address it" could've gone so far and to my fault a caring " Hey I know you struggle with this let me help you" could've prevented so much maybe it's our tendency to self sabotage.

Enter your ex into the picture while we are already struggling to keep our heads above water jealousy enters the picture to drown us even further. It's not that I don't trust you it's him that I have a problem with allowing an outside opinion to cloud your head is something I couldn't let slide. You blocked him, assured me that it wouldn't be a thing, but yet it felt the damage had already been done. You showed me something that, in some instances, you were too eager to teeter back into toxicity, slow replies, and indecisive energy.

I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. I asked that we speak about things conflict shouldn't be the reason a new relationship ends we come from different backgrounds and we view the world differently so if we come to a compromise there still time to salvage this.

You didn't share the same sentiment.

Told me that the baggage you brought into this wasn't mine to carry. I tried to quiet the voices in your head, but you listened to them and sent the text that confirmed our split.

It was a short yet sweet part of my life that if I had to repeat, I wouldn't hesitate. I tried to save us before it was too late.