My Alpha, My Beta(boyxboy)

Chapter 18

(A/N)

Unedited 

Isaac's P.O.V.

I walk downstairs feeling a little unaware of my surroundings, I haven't been leaving my bedroom much. After Tyler entered the bathroom, he told me to go downstairs and grab breakfast. I shrugged it off and followed suit. 

I stumble into the kitchen. The packhouse is always empty around this time, either people are at school or off doing duties. I was surprised to find my mom in the kitchen sipping coffee as well as the Alpha and Luna. They all shift their stares to my figure. I probably look like an absolute idiot standing in the middle of the kitchen in my pajamas staring back at them. 

"Isaac," My mom announces, I nod, unsure if it was a question. She smiles, "You got out of bed" 

I nod again, "I just needed something to eat," I say. 

Tyler's Dad speaks now, "You're eating again? That's great." I offer a smile but I don't think I am quite cut out for socializing right now. 

"I'll just get some cereal," I say because the cooks have already cleaned up breakfast. I walk over to the cupboard and get a box of plain Cheerios, they're Tyler's favorite because he's weird. I grab Lucky Charms for myself and start to walk away from the faces staring at me like a zoo animal. 

"Isaac," I hear my name from Tyler's dad, and turn around to face him," If you see Tyler, can you let him know to stop by my office to talk about the Alpha ceremony and his mate" I freeze, his "mate". He means Kate, of course. "His car is here so he hasn't gone to school, but he isn't in his room," 

I nod slowly, "If I see him, I'll let him know," I tell him. He nods before I start walking away. I rush up the stairs and walk to my room. 

I open the door, "Hey, you don't want to know how awkward of an encounter I just had with our parents, I got you Cheerios because you're an old man, I didn't get any milk though because I wanted to get the fuck out of there" After I didn't immediately hear a reply, I scanned the room, he wasn't here. My heart fell, and fear rushed through my veins. I was so scared he would change his mind, and abandon me again. "Tyler?" I call out, my voice cracking as I say his voice.

I didn't get a reply, but I did hear grunting from the bathroom. Curiosity took over as I walked over and opened the door, Tyler was sitting on the floor, scrubbing away at the floor with random cleaning supplies he found under the sink. 

"Tyler, what are you doing?".

He looks up at me, his face full of guilt. "I'm cleaning".

"Why?" I ask. 

He looks down and bites his lip, he doesn't answer for a while. I sit down on the tile next to him. He looks at me like a lost puppy, I feel awful, something's wrong.

"What's wrong?" I ask

He sighs "I smell your blood, it's all over the bathroom." Right. I hadn't cut in years. I never even considered it a thing that I was going to do again. 

*TRIGGER WARNING* Self Harm/Suicide 

Six years ago, I had a sudden shift in my being that turned everything upside down. My once upbeat personality vanished, replaced by a feeling of inadequacy and loss of motivation. I couldn't even bring myself to fulfill the role of a Beta anymore. This change was so drastic that it felt like a complete 180 from my usual self. People knew me for my optimistic outlook, a stark contrast to Tyler's disposition.

It was like a switch had been flipped inside me, draining me of all the serotonin that kept me going. I didn't understand why this was happening to me, as I grew up surrounded by a supportive system. Unlike most people who suffer from depression, I had no clear reason to be in such a state, which only added to my frustration. As Tyler struggled with real problems, like his father's expectations, I found myself unable to be there for him. It pushed me to behave in ways that I now regret.

In the midst of it all, Tyler was the only one who saw what was happening to me. He saved me when I was at my lowest, making me promise never to leave him again. It was a lot for a twelve-year-old to handle, and I felt guilty that he had to witness my struggles. Despite not wanting to cut again, I found myself alone when Tyler rejected me. He was my anchor in life, and I couldn't imagine living without him

I can't imagine his guilt now, I hate that he had to see it again. I despised myself for allowing him to. "Tyler, it's not your fault"

He looks up at me and shakes his head. "Don't lie to me, of course it is. I made you promise to never do that again. I promised to never let you." He bites his lip hard, to the point where it's bruising. "You shouldn't forgive me, I don't deserve to be forgiven." 

I cup his face and force him to look at me. "You saved me, again." He makes eye contact and his eyes start to water but he holds it in. I bite the inside of my cheek, I know Tyler feels guilty. I don't think I can say anything to change that now. "Here, let me help you clean," I say as I take a cloth covered in bleach from him. "Did you dilute this?" 

He looks at me confused "Was I supposed to?" 

"Oh goddess" I exhale, I let out a laugh as I stand to get a bucket filled with water. 

(A/N)

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