larry one-shots

im a wreck - sad/fluff - part 1

summary- not really going to put a summary for this one, but trigger warning for self-harm and mentioning on a eating disorder.

-harrys pov

I lay in bed, starring at the ceiling. my head hurts as I sit up in bed and watch as the blanket falls into my lap.

Me and the boys are on tour but sense we're staying in most of our home town, London for a couple weeks we all decided to rent a house for our time staying here. I look around my large room, the room with alot of nice jewelry, some nice scuffed up sneakers and expensive posters but there's also one last thing. One thing that doesn't fit in with all the nice stuff surrounding it, it?, me.

Me and my mountain of bracelets in a pile on the bedside table, the huge amount of long sleeve sweaters and jackets in the closet, oh yea and, don't forget the small metal tin with boxes and boxes of bandages and bandaids under the bathroom sink.

I let go of my thoughts and look down at my hands.

I swing my legs over the edge of the bed slowly and place my feet onto the hard wood ground. My head starts to feel dizzy and I can feel the nausea taking over me.i haven't eaten sence a small smoothie for breakfast yesterday morning. My vision starts to become spotted with black and my ears feel like im fifty-five feet under water.

I start to take slow steps towards the bathroom. Everything is spinning and my head feels extremely heavy, as I enter the bathroom I hear my stomach start to grumble. I'm thankful the boys haven't noticed me not eating much lately, mostly because we've been going to interviews, rehearsals, concerts, writing and so much that we haven't really been paying too much attention to eachother, we usually just grabbed something quick to eat but I would tell the boys that I'm not hungry or when louis would make me eat I would sort of pretend for a second then once somewhere when no one was looking, i would quietly throw it away into a bin.

I do feel terrible for throwing away food and money, but I don't need all the fattening calories anyways, I already get plenty of comments from 'fans' telling me how fat I am. so why would I just get fatter?

As the dizziness starts to go away I sit down on the cold floor. My legs shake and goosebumps rise to my skin.

I look terrible, as I look at all the scars, fully healed and some barley healing spread across my lower wrists and on boxer clad thighs.

I look at my pudgy stomach, the fat sticking out at the top of my boxers.

I look at my pale, pale skin. The same skin that gets so fucking red when someone says a single comment towards me of being a 'womenizer' or any of that.

It's only around 10pm. Louis, Liam and zayn are still at an interview and me and niall are here sence we didn't have one to go to. Niall offered me to watch a movie with him a while ago, as he layed across the couch and turned to a movie on the expensive telly that i didn't know. All though I really wished I did stay and watch that movie with him, I didn't. Instead I told him I was 'tired' and walked up the stairs to mine and louis' shared bedroom. I layed in bed, on my phone, scrolling through pictures of perfect looking people and comments on my own and the bands posts.

All the comments, comments are cruel but addictive. Whether their behind a screen or shouted in your face, you will always not want to hear it, but still read it and let it replay in your mind over and over again.

I'm a disappointment.

I know I am, I don't need to read it or hear it.

I'm a disappointment to my mom, I never do anything right, she has standards and I never meet them.

I'm a disappointment to my sister, she wanted me to finish high-school and get a degree but I dropped out, trying to chase a stupid dream.

I'm a disappointment to the band, I can't sing or write. Management lowers my mic for good reasons.