There was no warning for a day like today. Nothing out of the ordinary to set these emotions off. No one specific reason for why. It was a normal day. An average day. Caspian had lived through worse days, had days much more deserving of these feelings, and yet, on this insignificant day, at this very moment, he felt it climbing. It started as an unsquashable sadness, tears, loneliness. Sorrow so deep it hurt. And then he was angry.
A rush of fury filled Caspian, an anger overwhelming everything else inside of him. No more tears threatened to fall; all the feelings left within him were a fire of burning rage. Life was so completely unfair.
He grabbed the closest thing to his hand and hurled it into the wall with a furious yell. Caspian never got to choose anything- nothing at all.
Caspian was a prince. It sounded so good, so privileged and easy. Of course, in some ways it was, he wouldn't deny that, but Caspian had never wanted it. He didn't choose to be royalty. He never chose to be the son of a king and queen.
He just was.
It wasn't his fault his parents were gone, that he was alone. What he wouldn't give to be like everyone else- if he could only have his mother and father.
Caspian was so angry now that his hands shook. Everyone else seemed so happy- so free. Caspian had more than most, and yet, he had nothing. His uncle only wanted him so that he could be the next king, not because he loved or even cared about Caspian. He didn't want him; he needed him.
Caspian wanted a family.
Love.
He lived in a castle, but he wanted a home.
He was tired of hearing to be grateful for what he had, that someone always had it worse. He knew. But he was also tired of his own pain, selfish though it may be, as he was often told it was.
As much as he was sad or hurting, he was angry, so very angry, and it grew as he got older. Frighteningly so.
This time, Caspian hit the wall with his fist, again and again. Sometimes, he had no reason, he just needed to hit something. To throw his anger at anything at all. Caspian preferred feeling sad or empty. All of his anger scared him- left him unable to think, to control himself.
Catching a glimpse of his face in the surface of a nearby bowl, Caspian stilled. He looked different, his eyes dark and frightening. His eyes always seemed to show how he was feeling; he could hide almost nothing.
Right now, they were spilling over with hatred and fury- and even he felt afraid.
He dropped his gaze down, taking a shaky breath. He unclenched his fists, trying to calm his furious mind. When he returned his eyes to his reflection, he saw himself again, his sorrowful eyes, a much gentler person. Not happy, no smile, but him.
Quiet, lonely, subdued Caspian X.
YOU ARE READING
(Narnia) Broken Pieces -Caspian X- A One Shot Collection
Fanfiction"If only he'd been a little older, then he would have his own memories. But his father and mother were gone, leaving him in a castle, surrounded by people, yet almost entirely alone. Alone without even a memory..." Short one-shots exploring Prince C...
