Merriment filled the air, spilling laughter everywhere. The room was full of people and of food. Caspian felt the crowded room was overwhelming, an obnoxious buzz of unending excitement. He sat against the back wall, silently watching as Miraz laughed, holding up a cup in a toast, most likely to himself, but Caspian wasn't listening.
It was his uncle's birthday and the castle was celebrating, as was the town. As Lord Protector, he was an important figure, basically behaving as if he were king. Caspian tried to stay as silent and invisible as possible. He didn't dare disrupt his Uncle's special day. He tried his hardest to stay out of the way.
In all technicalities, he outranked his uncle as Caspian was heir to the Telmarine throne, but it seemed unimportant. What was important was not upsetting Miraz. This day wasn't about Caspian and so, selfish as he was, at least, as Miraz said he was, he would barely even talk today. Whatever drew the least attention is what Caspian would try and do.
All the lords were talking loudly, laughing and smiling, celebrating in the castle.
Caspians castle; not Mirazs.
For the next few hours, Caspian remained in the background, watching. Silent, all but invisible. Wondering if he were Mirazs son if he might have been included. Wanted at this celebration. Treated as more than a duty to be fulfilled by begrudging relatives.
Eventually, he grew tired, and he stood, unable to sit for much longer. He quietly edged from the room, back through the silent halls. Empty of everyone and their joy. Caspians emptiness only echoed through them, adding to the blank air.
Feeding the silence, not erasing it.
He'd celebrated his uncle enough or tried anyway, and he'd tried to be thankful for everything Miraz had done for him, but he was tired of celebrating the one who hated him. One who wouldn't celebrate him. In two days, another birthday would arrive here. Would be celebrated here.
Caspians.
It wasn't ever forgotten, but neither was it as important as Uncle Mirazs. Which was fine, Mirazs special day had always overshadowed Caspians. Caspian figured it was simply because no one else really cared about him. They knew the prince existed, so they gave him a party, but it wasn't out of love. Only Cornelius really celebrated him and not just the day. People used every excuse to party, to sing and dance, to laugh and drink. They loved celebration, but they didn't really care what they celebrated.
Caspian had seen a few birthdays for children in the town, and that was what he wanted- the love. The people; the family. The celebration of a person for simply living.
Take away his finery, his name, his position, and he was no one.
Nothing.
Uncle Miraz would never celebrate just plain Caspian.
No one would.
His worth was wrapped up inside of his position, his power, his name. Wrapped up in what he was, not who. No one knew who he was. They didn't take the time to try. Didn't realize they treated him that way- ignored him as a person- but they did. They cared that he was their prince, yet forgot he was also a human. Caspian wasn't even sure he knew himself that well.
In two days, Caspian would be fifteen and another year closer to becoming king. Miraz would notice that. That he would care about. He had an unnerving fascination with everything regarding the throne and his nephew. Caspian pretended not to notice, but sometimes it freaked him out. Regardless of how Miraz felt about him or his birthday, Caspian knew Cornelius would care, and that would be enough for him.
Yet he would still wish to have a normal birthday. A birthday unlike any he'd had before. One like those he'd seen, heard of. One where he was someone's baby, and his party was a celebration of him being alive. Maybe next year would be different. He said it every year, but it never was. Yet he would still hope.
Perhaps it could be.
● ● ●
A feeling of uncertain dread crept into Caspians' sleepy mind as he awoke. It was two days until his sixteenth birthday, which meant it was Uncle Mirazs birthday today.
Except he was dead.
Today would unfold as any average day. No longer special, no longer celebrated. Caspian sat up, an unexplainable heavy sorrow settling over him. Not necessarily mourning his uncle, but the idea of what he could have had. The knowledge that a person, who'd only last year thrown a party, was gone. Another reminder of how much had changed here. How much his life, how much he had changed.
Nothing would outshine Caspians' birthday this year, but it was still not to be normal. Different, but not average. Caspian was no longer invisible behind his uncle- he was king. It would be all about him now.
The king.
That was how it was different. It was about King Caspian now, not Caspian. He was still hidden in a shadow, though it was now his own.
Caspian got ready for the day, taking one last look at himself in the mirror before placing upon his head, the crown. An object small enough to be held in his hands, large enough to cast a shadow over his entire life. Caspian left his room.
King Caspian entered the throne room.
● ● ●
The party was big, exactly as Caspian had assumed it would be. Narnians and Telmarines all celebrating together as a united kingdom.
As a single Narnia.
The kings birthday was an occasion full of joy, and Caspian knew how to play along. Smiling, waving, accepting well wishes, but inside his mind, it was not so happy. It was lonely. He was supposed to be celebrating, smiling. Cheering and parading.
But Caspian just wanted to go home.
To find the smallest, safest spot he could and disappear into it. All he had was his castle that haunted him at every turn by too many memories. It was no home to him. Never had been. He couldn't go home- home wasn't a place for Caspian. His heart still seemed to search, but he had no home. Only a duty, a people, and a castle.
A castle he'd grown up in, lived in, run from.
A shelter, not a home. Sixteen years of a life lived, held in the walls of this castle. Each year of memories captured here. Stuck in Caspians' mind. He would stay out of the lonely castle as long as he could. This birthday would be full. He'd keep back his true feelings until tonight.
When he was alone.
This was a party, and Caspian would try. He would smile- laugh. He would enjoy it.
YOU ARE READING
(Narnia) Broken Pieces -Caspian X- A One Shot Collection
Fiksi Penggemar"If only he'd been a little older, then he would have his own memories. But his father and mother were gone, leaving him in a castle, surrounded by people, yet almost entirely alone. Alone without even a memory..." Short one-shots exploring Prince C...
