𝕳𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖑𝖊𝖘𝖘
adjective
displaying a complete lack of feeling or consideration.
Lilith Volkov is a student at Nevermore Academy, a school for outcasts. She's always found it quite boring, until a certain raven haired girl arrives at the school...
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"The lovely flowers embarrass me. They make me regret I'm not a bee." - Emily Dickinson
"Lilith," I turn around to find Bianca walking towards me. "Hey, how are you?"
"I'm fine," I assure her. Me and Bianca never really talk in public, mostly in semi private places. Most of our conversations are like the one we had during the Rave'N, personal stories.
"Xavier told me about your hand."
"Did he tell anybody else?"
"The people that ask, yes," I sigh in annoyance and get a puzzled look from Bianca in return. "Is he being an asshole again?"
"Yep, he gave me entire speech yesterday. How I don't have any human decency or whatever, and some other crap that I didn't try to listen to," I remember most of what he said yesterday, I just don't want to remember it.
"Oh God, he still has a stick up his ass," I look down at my shoes and chuckle lightly. "What class do you have?"
"French," I reply.
"Oh, me too. We can walk together then," we start walking to class together talking about anything we thought about. Maybe I should start spending more time with her, I really like being around her.
"Wait," she quickly grabs a sharpie from her pencil case and scribbles her name on my cast.
★★★
I always have days like this once in a while, the days when I don't want to get out of bed and just sleep the entire day and do nothing. That is today, and I want to smoke a cigarette so bad, but I can't give up now.
The only thing I've done today is go to the toilet and switch out my underwear, and right now I'm watching Little Women.
It's one of my all time favorite movies, I don't care what anyone says.
I am also wondering if the antidepressants are making me feel more depressed today, like I just feel so... I can't really explain it. It's such an unexplainable dread and wave of sadness kind of pushing me down whenever I get up and strive for happiness.
Every time I grasp onto happiness, it lets me go and I fall from somewhere. And I keep falling in this feeling of endless nothingness, and then fall into the deep depths of the ocean. The waves making me almost drown in sadness and grief, and when I reach the bottom it's... that's my perception of what I go through.
I just notice now that I always describe what I feel in a kind of poetic and romanticized way, I guess you could call it a coping mechanism. It's probably not the best way to handle and express my feelings, but that's just me.
