How J Hope Has Fallen

Panic And Fear

You lower your head and wipe a tear on your sleeve.

"After the doctor's appointment, we had started planning to surprise everyone after the concert finished, but a week and a half into planning, I was careless."

 You sniffle as your nose starts to run.

"I was watching you guys rehearse and then cutting up and acting silly on stage. I went to step off stage, and I fell down the steps."

He looks concerned and asks, "You mean the day we thought you sprained your ankle?"

 You sadly nod your head. He says, "I remember that day. I wondered why Tae had jumped off the stage. Hobi was so upset when Tae came back on stage and told us the staff was taking you to the emergency room, and he couldn't go with you." He reaches out to hold your hand.

"When I fell, I tumbled down the steps and landed on my stomach. When I started to stand up, I suddenly had such pain that I fell to my knees. Tae saw me fall and jumped off the stage to get to me. He was so scared, he had tears in his eyes."

He says, "So that was why he jumped off in such a panic." 

You nod, "I was crying from pain but more from fear. I told him I was hurting, and he knew what I meant. He told the staff I needed to go to the emergency room to make sure I hadn't broken anything. Next thing I knew, I was being picked up by one of the crew."

"I knew the fall had hurt the baby, but I didn't say anything till I was at the hospital. I was praying with all my heart that everything would be fine, but I miscarried while in the emergency room." You softly start to sob and cover your face with your hands, and he pulls you into his arms.

"Here," he says as he leans back to grab a box of tissues off the nightstand and places them in front of you. 

"I'm so heartbroken to hear you lost the baby." He wipes your tears and his, too. "Was that when you decided to go home?"

"Yes, I couldn't face Hobi because it was my fault. I was so hurt I just wanted to go home. I wanted my Poppy."

When Poppy is mentioned, his mood changes. He closes his eyes and looks away for a few seconds, trying to clear his head. Then, he takes a deep breath before turning back towards you.

You say, "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned her."

He shakes his head as if to shake off what he is feeling and says, "It's okay. I'm fine. Go on."

 Feeling doubly sad now, you tell him, "I had become so distraught, everything started to get dark for me."

Yoongi grabs your face in his hands, looking sternly at you. "You did not..." 

You shake your head and feel the wall you had built around the hurt and guilt break.

You start sobbing, "Yoongi, I killed Hobi's little sunshine! ME! I fell and killed our baby!! It's all my fault!!" 

Yoongi pulls you tight into his embrace and holds you while you sob, not caring that his shirt is soaked with your tears as his tears fall, too.

"Listen to me," he says, caressing your back while holding you.

"Listen to me." he waits till your sobs become quieter, then says, "I love you, Hobi loves you, we all do. What happened was an accident. It was NOT your fault."

You sob out, "Yes it was! I should have been more careful. I killed our baby because I was careless!!" You bury your face in your hands.