A Vihokratana's tragedy

3. If only

Perth sat at his favorite spot, the window nook in his room. He was re-reading the texts he exchanged with Chimon, his "mystery boy," as Ohm called him. "Will talk to you later, buddy. I need to meet my boyfriend now."

A couple of hours had passed since Chimon's last text, and still no new messages. What had he been expecting, really? He knew from the start that Chimon would never look his way. Chimon already had a perfect life with a perfect boyfriend, while Perth was just an "internet friend" Chimon confided in, never knowing who Perth truly was. 

It wasn’t as if he was the universe's favorite and deserved everything he ever wanted. No, he was meant to be heartbroken forever. He didn’t deserve love. He was useless, and those were the thoughts that had become permanent residents in his mind after Saint left him. And now, after trying so hard not to get stuck in the past, Perth had fallen for someone again—only for that person not to return his feelings. But it wasn’t like Chimon knew who he was or how Perth felt about him. If only Chimon wasn’t in love with someone else. If only Perth had a chance. If only he weren’t such a coward, hiding his identity just to talk to Chimon. If only.

Perth dozed off at the window nook, his phone resting on his chest, the weight of all those “if onlys” still swirling in his mind.

....

"Took you long enough," Nanon said as he was the first to arrive home. He had wanted to spend more time with Ohm, but his fathers had insisted they return by 7, and Ohm had his part-time job at the café. If only he could spend the entire day with his family, including Ohm. Nanon was already missing him, and waiting for Frank at the entrance of their sweet home only made it worse.

“Oh, you were waiting outside?” Frank asked, surprised.

"Dad asked for us to come together. You know why," Nanon said. Of course, Frank knew—another surprise birthday party.

They stepped into the dark living room, and suddenly, the room lit up with the sound of "Happy Birthday!" Their dad held a large balloon that read 'Happy birthday, my twins' in elegant calligraphy. That was new—unique, even. The twins smiled widely, but there was no trace of surprise on their faces. Not even a little. Tay felt disappointed. He had hoped for a genuine 'wow' moment, with shocked expressions from the twins after all the effort he, New, and Pluem had put into the surprise. Instead, all he got were big smiles.

"You two don’t look surprised at all. Was it that predictable?" Tay pouted.

"I knew it," New mumbled.

"You knew what?" Tay asked.

"That they wouldn't be surprised, Te. This is something we do every year, so how could we expect them to be surprised?"

"You should’ve told me. I w—"

Pluem intervened before the bickering started. "Dad, Papa, please don’t start now. It’s their birthday today. And look, they’re happy with our surprise."

Tay looked at his boys, feeling a bit emotional. "Dad, we’ve had surprise birthday parties every year since we were ten. It would be surprising if we still got shocked by it. But that doesn’t mean we don’t love it. We love how you always make the effort, how you show us so much love. We… just love you. We love spending our day like this," Nanon said.

Frank nodded in agreement. "Yes, Dad. We love it. We love you."

When they were nine, Nanon had come to his Dad and Papa, crying, upset because their classmate Lamai’s parents threw her a huge birthday party, while their parents only gave them cake and gifts. Although Nanon was in the wrong for throwing a tantrum, Tay took it to heart and started planning surprise birthday parties for all three of his boys. After all, they and New were all he had left after his parents’ passing.