Eighteen Years To An End

Chapter 7: Dear Diary

How my love feels...

Ares was my senior at school. Yes we knew each other existing, but it was like everybody else, just casual. Very casual. I knew him though. I knew who he was, where he lived, all unnecessarily. I'd heard of him from people, especially the ladies. Most of the times I was tired of what people spoke of him. I had came to hear of him as one of the pick me girl's boyfriend. She was obsessed with him. To have known him now, he takes pleasure in it. Ares never agreed on being in a relationship with her, when all of it was NEWS for the rest of the school. Being the junior, never knew how authentic it was...or is (I had to believe him, nonetheless).

Everything flipped when my eyes met his in the school bus. No one initiated it. It just happened, as if it was meant to happen. He was talking to one of his peers and I was shushing mine because we had gone crazy sitting at the back of the bus...

There used to be a 'We', like many other times in my life. We, was comprised of seven people, including myself. We were fun around each other. There was no trust among the seven but somehow, we guys just got our chords attached. I wanted to change that about the trust part, but some things are not supposed to be changed if the change isn't being accepted. 'We' included 3 of my seniors, 1 loyal junior, one of my childhood friends, I and Claire. We were really something. We had the new bus in charge going crazy and so at times he would make us seat far from each other often, just so we don't drive him literally mad.

We didn't do much of the trouble but laugh like crazies, sometimes mess with the kids or sing out songs aloud. I don't think that's much trouble, but it was fun. Also, we would never cause anyone harm or indulge in something that would make our parents ashamed of us.

That day I didn't want the in charge to shuffle us across the bus seats. So I was shushing them because he kept glaring at us from the front seat and I had caught the hint that someone was about be dragged all the way across to the front. Meanwhile Ares, he was talking to his peers about something but turned backwards to face them... It looked more like he was explaining something to them.

Although not aware of his position my eyes casually landed on him and his ran towards my direction. For 3 seconds, I held my breath as if my life depended on it.

His eyes pulled me in and I felt it happen. His dark eyes were more powerful than a blackhole to engulf me in... but it felt familiar like it happened before. It was indeed so powerful that my soul was moved. I felt something sinking inside my chest and for that moment, I saw him. He felt different. His dark eyes lit up like a lost child in a crowd finally finding the warm embrace of its mother. His guard was down in those 3 heavenly seconds of time!( Perhaps, the only time he ever had his guard down). I felt the feeling of being owned or rightfully belonging to someone or something. It is unforgettable and that scared me right there and so I broke the eye contact. That's where the tragedy of Love had begun.

After that, every other day I kept glancing at him till i grew fond of watching him. He was that reason I began wanting time to stop. He made me FEEL how I'd never before and I wanted to get drunk of how he made me feel. I was quiet about it all the time as if the kiss of our eyes never happened but how long was I going to deny that I really liked him? How long was I going to lie to myself? but the fact that he probably had a bunch of girls around too, made me cringe.

I considered myself to be a fool. Slowly, I started developing the jealously I hated. That too toward the pretty girl who, Ares would say looked like Meghan Fox... She was pretty but I was growing jealous of her. It would grow on me little by little. Absurd, but I loved the ache it caused to my heart. Like that one time, I recall, they shared earphones and my heart obscurely, burned up in flames and I subconsciously bit my tongue.