dear freaking jerk.

29.4.20

One day baby, we'll be old.

So old you won't remember what shoes you wore in first grade.
The only thing that will always stay are scars.

And the memories you make with the people you care about.

*
x
*

Dazai didn't know how he reached this situation.

Somehow, through out the night Dazai and Chuuya managed to switch places

Dazai woke up next to the wall. Chuuya's head was on his shoulder and Dazai's arm was warpped by Chuuya's.

Arahabaki was sleeping on Dazai's stomach, purring. Chuuya's hair was messed up, his mouth was slightly open and he was breathing calmly, asleep.

From the silence outside, nobody was awake just yet.
Oh, the joy of being an early riser.
Dazai looked at Chuuya's face and for the first time he realized Chuuya has freckles and a small beauty mark under his eye.

Dazai focused on Chuuya's laptop that was still on, trying to figure out what time it was.  It was 3pm, the sun was high in the sky and cars moved from time to time outside, Dazai could hear.

"Chibi" Dazai said softly, reaching his hand to Chuuya's face and stroking it
"It's time to wake up" Chuuya groaned softly and slowly opened his eyes to look at Dazai

Dazai smiled softly, Chuuya's face was scrunched up from the pillows on one side. Chuuya stretched on the bed slowly and yawned "good morning.." he muttered "good morning" Dazai said back.

"Did you sleep fine?" Chuuya asked. His voice was still sleepy "I slept well. Your cat scratched my hand though" Dazai lifted his arm and showed Chuuya the four red lines that decorated it

"I'm sorry" Dazai chuckled "it's alright." Chuuya slowly sat up "I'm hungry as fuck" Dazai chuckled and sat up slowly, Arahabaki jumping off him and into Chuuya's lap "then let's wake everyone out and fetch something to eat?"  Chuuya nodded

"Great idea"

*
X
*

"Why the fuck are you up?" Leah grumbled, hugging a pillow "I'm hungry" Chuuya said Leah grumbled
"I want pancakes" Dazai came out of Chuuya's room with a long soft Tshirt

"Pancakes sounds good" Dazai said Chuuya smiled and walked to the kitchen, starting to mix everything together while Leah woke everybody up with a pillow to their face

*
x
*

"Thank you for coming.." Chuuya said, greeting everyone out of the door except Dazai who helped him to clean up

"Say, Chibi" Dazai started "yeah?"
"Can I invite you for a birthday dinner?" Chuuya looked at him and smiled softly "you don't have to do that.. having you here is enough Dazai.." Dazai smiled "I want to, please?" Chuuya smiled softly and nodded "alright then.. after we finish cleaning everything up you'll leave so I could get ready and then text me when you want to go"

"Sounds like a plan"

x
*
x

The warm water travels down his skin while Chuuya thinks.
He thinks about his father that's no longer here
About his mother that he can't remember the simplest things about
And about Dazai.

It's started as a school project, to help him get better in Japanese but now?
Chuuya thinks.

He thinks about how Dazai smiled at him in the morning, the gift he gave him. He thinks about a smile and a tattoo. He thinks about glasses and pale skin and he's smiling

He feels at ease. It feels like happiness

Chuuya turns the water off and gets out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and looking through his clothes for something nice to wear

The phone is in the charger, the cat is purring in the bed and the sun is seeping through the window.

He knows what to wear, now he just waits in the living room for Dazai to text him he's down

Will he though?

x
*
x

Dazai sits on the bed.
He only has his boxers on and a Bluetooth ear piece in  He listens to the recording that we're sent to his phone from an anonymous number.

Chuuya's voice.

"..and think about it- math isn't so hard if you do it right with no English words in! I don't like math but I don't find it so awful like some people"

"..and that really makes you think about your place in the world.. if someone can just take someone's life away from him how can you be sure you aren't next in line? Do you get me?"

Dazai feels anger rising in him. How could he have been so stupid? Goddamnit! He is going to put Chuuya in risk. That's not good, not good at all.

Dazai sits there. Tapping his foot, listening to the recordings and he feels lost.

He's risking him. Risking Chuuya for what?

Dazai throws the ear piece out and rubs his face

What now?