Terrified

Chapter 11: The Answer (Part 3 of 3)

On the other hand, as promised, Heart waited at the hospital's rooftop. It's cold but she's enduring it with the help of another cup of hot coffee she's engulfing with her clasped hands. Yet she didn't have to hold on for too long as Fatima arrived at the rooftop few minutes later and found her leaning against the fences in the middle of the cold.

Fatima takes a good look of her from afar for she's still unseen from the rooftop's door, thanks to these hanged white bed sheets and blankets that makes it tough for Heart to see her. Thinking how lucky she is that she has met someone like her, she couldn't help but to smile, but when it crossed her mind how she hurt her, this smile instantly disappeared, replaced by a deep long sigh.

"Why are you still standing there? It's cold out here." Heart caught her standing idle and called her out.

"Sorry..." Fatima shyly said and made her way to Heart, joining her leaning against the fence and was offered by the extra cup of hot coffee Heart has on the ground.

"I didn't expect it's going to be colder tonight compared to the past days." Heart awkwardly remarked just to keep the conversation going and be casual as much as possible.

Neither talked as they looked up the cloudy sky, way different from the countryside's starry night sky they once watched together intimately. It gives them nothing but good memories, as if their minds are connected and brought them together back to those days they shared nothing but smiles, laughter, moments that cannot be replaced but also may not be repeated anymore.

But Fatima wants to go down to the point, as she first asks, "How are you since then? You never contacted me and you never returned my messages."

Heart was mummed for a minute as she was asked, but as soon as she found her composure, she precisely answers, "Of course I wasn't doing well. I cried all day. I drank a lot. I couldn't update my vlogs. I just stayed locked up in the condominium. I felt like I didn't want to do anything. Then this morning I went out. I wanted to unwind and clear my mind but for some reason, my feet brought me to the café and I ended up meeting Yumi there. I felt a bit better after we talked."

"And I made you feel like that." Fatima frowned, guilty.

"Your best friend told me everything though, that's why I felt a bit better." Heart smiled but not looking at her, rather up to the sky so she won't falter.

"Everything?"

Heart nods, still smiling, "Everything that my mind has been questioning to myself for the past days I stayed locked up. If only I was braver to confront everything instead of crying and being helpless, I wouldn't have spent so much time being so miserable."

Fatima clenched her fists together, went in front of Heart and lowered down her head so low as she formally apologizes, "I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you... I could have done better yet I was a scaredy-cat."

"Please don't do that." Heart was alarmed and forced Fatima to straighten up as she held her by the shoulder.

"I will accept whatever your decision is, if you'll walk away from me or if you'll completely cut me out of your life after this. I don't want to blame you because I'm the one at fault in the first place. It will hurt, but I have to accept it." Fatima shut closed her eyes as she said, afraid to look into Heart's eyes.

Heart walked back to the fences and this time she looked all the way down to the ground floor, staring into a space as she thought for her careful and wise answers in silence. The pain is still lingering her but at the same time the love she has for Fatima is also touching her, something that's so contradicting she cannot tell what exactly she feels. However, despite that, she has to come up with a response and put an end, a period to this feeling tampering her chest.