Author's old file bin

Unrequited

Originally Published: Magi Amino, February 22, 2020

I don't like him.

I can't like him.

I shouldn't. At least, that's what I tell myself.

It was Valentine's today. It's hard to miss it with all the heart-shaped decorations, the glittering blends of red and pink everywhere, the array of flowers in charming bouquets. The list continues with more of a personal favorite being all the chocolate that becomes available for this one day, used more to cope with the fact that you're a single Pringle and probably will be forever. Whatever. It's not like people don't eat away their unhappiness already; today was merely an even bigger reason to do so.

Sigh. It's not that I hate the holiday. Far from it. In fact, as a child, I'd jump at the thought of Valentine's Day coming around. Spending most of the school day drawing or doing arts and crafts, people handing you candies, preparing sweet gifts for someone important to you... or someone you were crushing on.

Boy, did I enjoy a good love story. A fairy tale kinda love. All those mushy, wholesome feelings you get. When you're young and naive and getting all bashful over someone in class cause you're what, six? Things were simple then. No heartaches. Not really. All those nervous glances or the small giggles you make while sitting next to your crush, the thought of holding hands absolutely scandalous to imagine—

Ahem.

As exaggerated as that sounds... that's how it was. It was to me anyway...

And in a pitifully tragic way...it's still like that. No matter how much I try to convince myself that I don't like this person, he's still ever present in my mind despite my best efforts to forget him. To move on with it all.

I'm told not to beat myself up too much. That someone's been where I have, dealing with the same problem of wanting the one person they can't have. You'll get over it eventually. He clearly isn't the one.

You're still in high school!

Psh. As if that makes it any better. Valentine's only makes me more painfully aware of it, with all the couples handing out gifts or making their goo-goo eyes at each other! Is it so wrong to ask for a little of that, even now!?

Honestly, I've tried more times than I can count to rid myself of these emotions. I barely remember when this all started. Yet here I am, wishing there was someone by my side. Desiring the tender affection of another.

I want him.

With this, the lies come hurling in. That I wasn't pinning. No, I don't get a warm rush to my cheeks when I catch him passing by the halls, with that dashing smile. I don't feel the drumming in my chest or the fluttering of my stomach when his voice calls for me; those dazzling golden eyes stopping me cold and I lose my reason and sense of whatever I'm doing. No, I never let that happen...

Who am I kidding? I'm a gushing, fumbling mess, hiding behind the sleeves of my shirt most of the time. He'd find the time to tease my flustering too, the handsome scoundrel he was.

Despite this, he'd never return my feelings. Plain fact. He never so much as tried telling me straight. Led me on. Hinted he was slightly aware of what I truly saw him as. Though he took my heart and crushed it, leaving me to cry and spat over my silly little crush.

Yet... I had this hope...very faint...that I'd receive a token of love. I care for my friends deeply and those who brought me something today, I cherish. I'm not in it only for the material things, obviously. Quite literally anything I'd take from that charmer... a gentle hug...a kiss. A letter, perhaps, taking it all back and admitting that we did, in fact, have a chance. We could work. There's no one out there for him other than me.

God, I really am an idiot. A hopeless idiot stuck on the one guy who was not meant for me to begin with. Stuck in a fantasy. Foolishly falling for a lady's man of all things, believing my deceitful heart. Expecting to hear him say, "Happy Valentine's Day Princess," and he means more than just a casual, friendly greeting.

Just for a moment, I'm bitter. The chocolate doesn't help much to sweeten my mood either. Then I can tell my cheeks have gone red, considering how horrid I'm feeling, my vision blurred, and the small trickle of tears escaping my eyes. They land on the paper of my crumpled up letter, the words I wrote only for him, smudging into a mess. A mess...exactly.

Here I am still, telling myself I shouldn't like him.

I can't like him

Nonetheless, I still do. 

Author's Note:

Here we have a work I did for a Valentine's Day contest. For those unfamiliar with Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic, it's an anime/manga inspired or with plots and characters based on Arabian Nights or One Thousand and One Nights. So think Aladdin, the Adventures of Sinbad, Scheherazade, etc. I'm not well versed in those stories however, so I can not say how much is accurate and how much is mainly the creator's own ideas; though I am willing to bet she took some liberties.

The female in question is a young princess from the series, and the man she's pinning for is King Sinbad. Let's make something clear in case certain people find this. I don't ship this. It could be cute, but I don't even want to say that because, in canon, she is a teenager, and I think he's at least 30 or a little older. Yes, I know how things were for that time period. I am also aware that Princess Kougyoku had a crush on him. The keyword being had, since I believe she moved on for...reasons, the anime will probably explain. At the time of writing, I was scrambling to come up with something because I really wanted to participate yet wasn't sure as to what to write about. I was going to write a different type of story involving the princess with a character I ACTUALLY ship her with.

From what I assume was a mix of time constraints and fear of ruining the character's personalities, I opted for a story where a young high school girl is pinning for a senior who has no interest in her, but is flirtatious anyway. He is a little like that in the anime. Heh. Looking back at my screenshots, I said something about not being happy with Kougyoku's characterization because I feel she's more assertive than how I've written her. She knows relationships aren't perfect, yet she wants this one to work anyway. I agree with past me. She goes back and forth in this. Personally, romantic love is confusing, and so are crushes and infatuation. I hope I was able to convey that properly.

Artist: Shinobu Ohtaka. Official art from a manga chapter, not sure of which one.