Pain, Love and Everything in Between

Wasted time

So much of my life has been nothing more than bad memories and wasted time. I don't think people realize how much energy is put into being "high functioning" with Bipolar Depression. And all that energy has been nothing but wasted time. I'm tired... so tired I jus wanna give up. I jus wanna lay in bed for hours, days, months, or even years!!! However long it might take to feel well rested and accomplished. My mentality has been threatened. My well-being tested. I got rid of the toxic garbage that I've always been use to, so why do I feel like garbage??? I wanna be healed, loved properly. Don't I deserve that? Don't I deserve human reaction that's not always negative?? Conversation that doesn't result in arguing or blaming. The tear down doesn't really bother me I tell myself over and over again. But honestly if it didn't really bother me wouldn't that mean that I would choose better for myself? It's a constant routine I go back because I have this dream of what my life should be but then reality kicks in and it's nothing like that at all. Just breathing some days seems like too much work. Existing in a world where your life feels meaningless is not living. I want someone to breathe life back into my lifeless body. I want to feel the emotion of it all! I have been numb for far too long.