Soon-To-Be-Ditched?

1. Taken

May 3rd
Dear Loser Diary,
I call you Loser Diary because, you're going to hold all my loser stories of my life in here. I say that because I'm Loser Lu, and I'm losing in life. Loser Lu the loser in life, there I said it and it's so obvious.

Anyways, it's finally a new month and I'm so sad about it because, it's another new month with my baby stuck indoors. I'm sitting here on my lime green couch watching her sleep, and I'm realizing how much she's not cute. I must not make cute babies, and my fiancé has probably noticed. I say this because, barley two months old, the child looks more like me only, with my bad features.

Speaking of fiancé, I still can't believe I have one and I know I'm not the only one who can't believe it. I know, I'm not lovable. No one can stand me. But, I still think to myself that it was only a matter of time until I found true love and that, I'm lucky to have found him. Even though, I'm sure he only wants to marry me because he knocked me up by accident, and not because of true love. It's so obvious. If it was from true love, he would have married me a long time ago. Apparently, I must have not been wife material until he knocked me up. With all this, I still went ahead and wrote "Sorry guys, I'm taken!" on all my statuses.

Oh no. Mei seems to have woken up. I got to go check on her.

I wanted to share with you about my wedding plans even though, I don't really have any. But, I'll have to do that later.

Hopefully by the time I write on you, I haven't went into my wedding journal and started changing the few plans that I barely have, again.

*****

It's still the same day so, I'm not going to do another entry.

Where did I left off? Oh yes, planning the wedding. I'm the only one who seems to be planning my wedding. What a long process it has been—since last year! All alone. Can you believe it? Sigh.

Anyways, my fiancé and I thought of waiting until little Mei is older, where she could be our little flower girl or something, but we decided not to, since we are both too excited and can't wait to say our I dos, I guess.

So the wedding is likely going to be sometime later this year, with no signs of a bachelorette party or a bridle shower. If they will happen, it's suppose to happen this summer. It's going to be one of the worst summers of my life, if we're not going to have them.

Oh my. What's that smell? I'm smelling something Loser Diary. I think, it has something to do with my puppy and it's not good.

*****

So, I just found out that my little Dalmatian somehow got into the trash, and got our trash all over the kitchen floor. What I was smelling was rotten eggs on the floor. Trust me, it wasn't fun cleaning up the mess. Our Dalmatian is just a puppy, so I'm going to have to get used to his behavior until he eventually grows out of it, I hope.

So where was I? Okay, so all my party celebrations will be color coded. My fiancé and I (will, mainly I) have chosen the color mustard yellow for our wedding. For example, I'll be having my nails polished mustard yellow to celebrate my engagement throughout the wedding planning phase, until I get married.

Oh my engagement party Loser Diary! I forgot. Am I not going to have that party? I forgot to talk about that with my soon-to-be-husband. That's the first party we should have. But we won't have enough money to throw all of these parties, with the new baby and the monthly bills and all. Oh well.

For the bachelorette party I would ask my friends if they would throw me one, but they may think I'm crazy and disagree, since we're all broke here.

You know I'm not put together Loser Diary? I'm not put together and not well organized at all. I don't have my life all figured out at this old age, and no one else can relate with me on this one, no.

Anyways, it's night now, and my fiancé is almost back. I need to heat up some food, and take a shower. Let me try to be a good fiancée. Night, night Loser Diary.

May 4th
May the 4th be with you Loser Diary! And no, I'm not a Star Wars fan. I'm sorry to disappoint!

As I sit here, I start to worry about going back to work. I have to admit, I have been lazy relaxing my bum here at home not even paying attention that I'm going to have to start work soon. I've been relaxed durning my maternity leave and being irresponsible that, up to now, I don't know what I'm going to do with Mei once I start work again. I got to find her a babysitter, or take her to daycare. I got to find her a daycare! I got to start looking! I don't even know which one is the cheaper option, or which one is the better choice.

None of my friends have a child so, I'm stuck not having anyone to help me make the right choice for me and my baby. This is a topic I must bring up tonight with Bea. But for now, let me try to text my mom about this topic and see what she has to say about it. I'm thinking, she could be my free babysitter even though, I know she still works full-time, as she is too young for retirement anyways.

I just finished texting Mom. As I wait for her answer now, I'm thinking maybe to ask to switch to graveyard shift at work, so I can stay with Mei durning the day like I'm already used to. Oh my, Mom is calling. This better be good.