A Poetry Book: That will never be published

Oddly Honest - Collection of Poems

April 27th 2022:
It's so strange
To be inside yourself
And say
It's not good enough
It wasn't your best
You didn't try hard enough
No one likes you
You haven't helped anyone
Go home

But if you were to time travel
Any other time segment of yourself
Would praise your efforts
Love that you got up
Love that you are alive
Love that you are happy

I can't believe
How Awful I am to myself
When every other version of me
Would cradle me back to health

August 28th 2022:
There is something genuine
About the charisma
Of those with resilience
Against years of pain

Its why those that are hungry
Share their last bite

October 9th 2022:
Because I wanted it
Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt
Because I wanted it
Doesn't mean i don't struggle
Because I wanted it
Doesn't mean I can't decline
Because I wanted it
Doesn't mean it's not hard

October 9th 2022:
I am the light
when the light dims
I am alone in darkness
The world relies on the shine
But when I stop shining
Will it ever be bright again?
Why am I the only light?
Why is light such a burden?
I want to be darkness for a while
Guess I should get use
To the dark

October 17th 2022:
I'm homesick
For a place I never been
A place that has fresh air to consume
The brightest hills
Painted green

October 28th 2022:
There has to be a word
For completeness so wide
it becomes belonging
When someone else clicks
puzzle piece fits on the first try
The connection floats inside
the lightness of a laugh
the softness of a whisper

It is a connection of bliss
Grows wonders of why
Sadness can even compete
When feelings like those
Unravel to being life

December 2nd 2022:
"Let me know if you need anything"
They write to me
In a speech bubble
As they shut off their phones
And close thier doors
They gave the words
What more do you want?
Help?
Yeah don't we all

January 24th 2023:
I panic
No burnout
How do I mask burnout?

How do I mask a burn out?

January 31st 2023:
It never stops
I never stop
There is never a moment
In my day when I am not
Moving
Thinking
Doing
I am tired

I tell him I'm tired
He says go to bed early
He doesn't know what I meant.
I meant I am moving slowly
Because I can't do a single task without having a meltdown
I have this headache before
I crash
It isn't a normal one
There's tension headache
Dehydration headaches
Migraines
But this one is different
It sits in the forehead
Held back by a net
It doesn't hurt a lot
But it's threatening me
That it could
It would whip out the pain whenever I am overwhelmed
And it will never leave

It isn't fixed with medicine
Sleep
Or time
It is only fixed with nothingness
I need nothing
I want to do nothing
Literally
The forced rest
Is hard to take
But if I don't
My body will do it for me
Which I don't want to happen again

April 15th 2023:
I can't let go
When I know it's over
Out of fear
the whole era
Is less important
Somehow

When it ends
there is no going back or changing it
It is what happened.
Am I ready for that chapter to close?
It can hurt more to hold on.
I can't decide.
I let the world choose for it to fizzle
I'll still be here if the seams need reopened.

May 12th 2023:
I am told I'm being dramatic
When I am upset or surprised
I am confused
I react as I naturally would
Dramatic
To me
Means reaction with intention of attention
Google says it's
Actions intended to make an effect
But how it is dramatic if I do them naturally?
Is that even dramatic?
Are my emotions are too big for you to understand?
Does that make them wrong?
Or dramatic as you say?
Or does that make them authentically wide?
Big enough to take on whole rooms
I'm still confused