Just poetry

Note to self

Do you remember when you
just laid in bed and cried,
Because you could no longer
fake a smile?
You held the weight of everyone's
problems on your small shoulders,
Always having to work twice as hard
as everyone else,
And had to push with more weight
even when you felt your body shaking
from the trauma of such an awful past,

Do you recall breaking down in
a dark room,
Because you couldn't pretend to love
the light anymore?
You were so good at pretending,
Perfected ways of hiding your pain,
And excelled at covering the black hot wax marks
that tainted your sensitive skin,
You had to be perfect for everyone else
who wasn't,
Because when they looked at you,
You wanted to make sure that all they saw
was hope and bliss,

Do you remember,
How you once stood before a mirror,
In a slightly dark room with a knife in hand,
And you stared at your reflection,
Imagining in your mind that you were
stabbing yourself,
You were so ready to die,
Because you felt that dying was the only
way to escape the pain,
But you put down the knife,
Still staring at your reflection,
Eyes blurred by tears,
And you couldn't do it,
Because you knew that your idea of escaping
the pain,
Would transfer that pain to another,
And the ones who truly loved you,
Would hurt the more as they tried moving
on from the tragedy of your death,
And you just couldn't do it,
Couldn't do such a painful thing to them,
Because you knew the trauma of having to 
lose a loved one,
And you didn't want them experiencing it
because of you,
Because you couldn't hold on any longer,
Because the weight weighed heavy on
your aching shoulders,
Because the pain was almost unbearable,

Even at your worst,
You still put everyone else before you,
You prioritised their feelings more
than your own,
Because you couldn't help being so selfless,
It was who you are,
You hated being like this,
But you couldn't change it even when you tried,
You held on to so much,
Just so no one else would have to suffer,
Let go now buddy,
It's enough,
You don't have to try and save everyone else,
Save yourself now,
Prioritise yourself,
Love yourself,
You earned it,
You know you did.

S.B.D7