Down Memory Lane ✓

18- A Talk With Jane

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A Talk With Jane

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THE ROAR of the engine as he pulled out pressed on my ears the same way my mom's engine did that night.

In a flash, I got transported back to the little girl I was then. The only difference. We were no longer in Minnesota and I wasn't sure of where I was anymore. Past? Present?

That night I knew I'd lost my mom. I didn't know how I felt about it, but somehow, someway, I did. Was I being dramatic by saying I now felt that way for Kai, too?

I didn't move from my bed, despite how every nerve in my body was itching to move. Fighting to see him, to check if he was looking at my window or heck, even run back to him. But what would I say? I'd said enough. I'd said too much that I'd cracked him open and spat my craziness to him without thinking of the cost.

My mind had been quiet for the first time since all this—whatever it was—had started. I didn't know what to think anymore and my mind was trying and failing to come up with a next step. I felt like staying in bed till the seven days passed. What's the worst that could happen?

A knock on the door prevented me from answering the question. Not like I was coming up with any answer.

"Clara, it's Jane. Could you open the door, please?"

I vaguely recalled her watching me as I flew up the stairs. I think she called out, but I didn't answer. She must have seen Kai linger in the driveway and must have questions. Typical Jane.

With a groan, I forced my limbs which felt like logs to the door before I opened it and stalked back to resume my depressed position on my bed. Laying on my back with my arms outstretched at my side and eyes focused on the squares on the ceiling.

From my peripheral view, I saw her take residence on a stool by the side of the bed.

"Something's definitely wrong," she paused before she asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I opened my mouth to say no because I didn't, but she must have sensed it as she went on.

"And before you say no because I have a feeling you would, just listen. Some things won't get better if you go through them alone. You need someone with you. You can't always be by yourself in everything." Her pause allowed me to sit up with a sigh before turning to her.

"If you knew I'd say no, then why'd you still ask?" I asked instead.

"First, I didn't know you'd say no. I said I had a feeling and second, it's always worth it to try. No matter how big or small the situation is. And I'm not here because we're good now. No. Even if we hadn't had that conversation, I would still come over and ask."

She rose from the stool and came to sit beside me on the bed. Former me—wherever she was—would cringe and fuss about it, but now I didn't refuse. Deep down somewhere, I felt some comfort just having her this close.

"When we ask most people what's wrong, they're so quick to say nothing or that they're fine when they're not. I was like that until I met your dad and I couldn't keep any thought I had away from him. I believe it takes the right person to ask for someone to open up. But the right person doesn't always have to be the same. That's why no matter the situation, I'll always ask if you're okay and I'll always hope I'm the right person for you, even if it's just that one time."

Her words reigned over me as I stared down hard at my uninteresting plain fingers. There was nothing about them, so why couldn't I take my gaze off them?