Down Memory Lane ✓

20- Tony Williams

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Tony Williams

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DAD AND JANE'S bustling downstairs floated all around the house, but the moment I stepped into his room, it all seized. It felt like we were somewhere else. Somewhere for the two of us. The wind still tossed the snow at everything with as much force as it could, now more violent than before.

The windows rattled, disrupting, yet adding to the silence that surrounded us and I could sense that he was ready, but I wasn't about to force him to open up in the slightest.

I didn't want to do this for the cave. I wanted to do this for my brother. The brother I'd pushed away for years. I couldn't help the blame game I'd been having with myself ever since. This had to be my fault somehow because if he had me, he wouldn't need those guys, whoever they were.

He sat up when I sat beside him.

"How're you feeling now?" I asked. His lips were downturn, and he kept twiddling his fingers.

"I... I just don't know where to start."

"How about starting with who Jake is? I have a feeling he's the reason you got into a fight."

"Jake's the head of our... group."

"Okay, and what do you guys do in your group?"

"Jake and well, every other person says that, you know, men must be men. They have these... core values. Which is a list of things that men should do and things we're not allowed to do."

"Like crying."

He nodded. "And it gets hard to stick with all the things they say we should do."

"But you're a boy, you're not yet a man, and who do these guys think they are to say how men should behave?"

"Well, one day I'll be a man and I'll need this stuff."

"No, Tony you won't."

His voice had a hard edge when he said, "Yes, I would."

I glanced at the window that was now shaking incessantly. His voice peeled my eyes back to rest on him.

"The thing is, I need these guys. They're the ones who are always there for me. They give me stuff and they care about me."

"I care about you."

"No, I don't think you do. You're never around when I need you. When I wanna talk, you always have something to do, and if Jane gets you angry for whatever reason, you take it out on me. No one in this house is ever there when I need them. But Jake and the guys are. And if I have to do things to prove that I can be in their group, then I'll do anything." His little chest was heaving now as his stern gaze bore holes into his hands. He was just a little boy.

"And how far will you go, Tony?" I asked. When his eyes came up to me, mine held his before he forced his gaze back down.

"Well, I..." he trailed off.

"They're the reason you got into a fight. Aren't they?"

"Yeah, but I..." he hesitated.

"Let me guess. You didn't like it," I said with an easy raise of a brow.

He looked at me with wide eyes, like I'd just told him the cheat code for some game. "How... how'd you know?"

"Because I'm your elder sister, Tony. I've watched you grow since you were a baby and I know these are not the people you would want to hang around with. In the long run, you won't be happy and when you're unhappy, you'll become angry. And you'll just keep doing things you don't want to do, but since you're so angry, you wouldn't be able to stop. If you keep on following them, it would be hard for you to find happiness. Rules that dictate who or what a person should be cannot give you happiness. True happiness is personal. It's defined by you and the people in your space. The people who cherish you and you cherish them. It can also be from the things you do, even the little things. Or at least that's how I see it. I'm still figuring this life thing out, just like you."