My stupid heart (Gemini and Fourth)

Reassurance of Love

As they stood there in each others embrace they understood how much they loved each other. How they complete each other. The past 2 days felt like hell for Fourth, he couldn't eat or drink anything. He only got off bed to shower and brush his teeth which was a mission on it's own.

The realization of how much Gemini impacted his life terrified Fourth. The thought of losing Gemini sent him into a mental breakdown and he wasn't sure if that is how it's supposed to be. He didn't liked the person he had become recently. Jealous, insecure and possessive. That wasn't him, that was not Fourth Nattawat Jirochtikul.

Fourth Nattawat is someone that was confident in himself and his abilities.  Someone that was admired and adored by many. He was the most popular gentleman at St Gabriel after all. So why did he find himself small and inadequate when it came to Gemini? All he knew was that he didn't want to feel like that anymore.

"Gem... I am tired." Fourth said still in Gemini's embrace. "I know love do you want to lie down and sleep?" Gemini said  as he broke the embrace and held Fourth's hands. "No Gem that's not what I meant." Fourth said as he looked into the eyes of his love. A concerned Gemini asked "what do you mean love?" as he tightened his grip on Fourth's hands.

"I mean I am tired of feeling like this. I am tired of the fights we have and I don't want to deal with it anymore." Fourth said looking at the wooden floor avoiding Gemini's eyes that were seeking his. "Fourth look at me, what do you mean?" Gemini said trying to catch the gaze of his lover, it can't be what he thinks it is, right? Fourth won't do that, Fourth loves him.

"I mean don't you think that it will be best if we extend the break." Fourth said in a low trembling voice. While blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall from his already puffy, swollen eyes. "For how long?" Gemini asked tears brimming in his eyes. His heart was racing and he was sure he could hear the rapid beating in his ears. "Indefinetly." Fourth said sniffling.

"No. No. I don't agree." Gemini said as he wrapped his arms around Fourth and gave him a tight hug. "I am not going to lose you Fourth, I can't lose you not again. Not this time. Not like this." Gemini said his voice sounded like he was panicking and his breathing's pace quickened. "You are not going to lose me Gem. I will always be your friend." Fourth said sniffling. 

"I don't want to be your friend Fourth. I can't be just your friend." Gemini replied ."Please don't make this hard for me." Fourth said trying his best to compose himself.  He didn't want to breakdown, not infront of Gem.

Gemini tightened his grip around Fourth and said "Fourth... my love I am sorry for being an idiot. I realize that now what happened was my fault. I'll do better and I'll be better." He was sobbing at this point. He felt like he was losing touch with reality, everything was happening so fast. He had Fourth's love, Fourth was his and now he was losing him.

"Gem please..." Fourth said still in the warm embrace of his lover. Fourth didn't want to let go of Gemini. He didn't want to loose him but at this moment he felt he had to let him go, he had to let his Gem go. He had to do this, he had to this for them. He thought it was what was best for them.

"Fourth I know I am stubborn and brittle and sometimes I act like I know a lot, but in reality I know very little.I also know that I hate to do anything that I've been told but that will all change. I'll change... just don't leave me Fourth." Gemini said as he wept.

As much as Fourth wanted to stay strong and firm in his decision. As much as he had convinced himself that this was the best decision for him and Gemini. His body betrayed him when he heard his love weep. A weeping so loud it felt like someone pushed a shsrp dagger through his heart. On instinct without hesitation Fourth wrapped his arms around Gemini's waist and hugged him tightly.

"I love you." Fourth said his heart betraying him. "I love you so so much Gemini." Fourth said tightening his arms around Gemini. "I love you too Fourth so please don't go, don't leave me. I don't think I can survive it."  Gemini said sniffling. "Please Fourth."

"I am not leaving." Fourth said in an almost whisper. "Promise me. You have to promise me Fourth!" Gemini said still holding Fourth in his arms as if he was scared that if he let him go Fourth will flee from him. "I promise." Fourth said as he buried his face in Gemini's chest.

They eventually went to bed. However that evening Gemini's anxiety was heightened. He almost lost Fourth, he almost lost his life-line. The oxygen he inhales and gives him life. His life was meaningless without Fourth, only Fourth gave his life meaning. Not all the achievements, not the fans or the money but Fourth.

Gemini was extra clingy. He made sure to hold on to Fourth the entire night. Even in the morning he insisted on showering together with him. Even during breakfast he insisted on sitting next to Fourth. He was afraid, he felt like if he took his eyes even for one second away from Fourth he will disappear from him and he couldn't risk that.

Fourth noticed Gemini's demeanor, he understood it. He knew he was to blame for it. The look of fear in Gemini's eyes even though he tried to hide it with a smile. Fourth understood the look, he had seen it before. So Fourth knew that what Gemini needed from him was reassurance that he wasn't going to leave him.

So Fourth indulged Gemini's need for closeness. He whispered sweet I love you's to his love reminding him of their love. Gemini needed reassurance and Fourth was going to be the one that reassures him.

They drove to Gemini's condo after dropping off Lisa and Fluke at their respective homes.

"You take a shower so long I will cook us dinner." Fourth said as they entered the condo. "I will help you cook." Gemini replied. "How can you help me cook when you can't even make instant noodles." Fourth replied turning to his lover. "I will learn today." Gemini said as he wrapped his arms around Fourth's waist.

"We can cook together and then we can shower together." Gemini said and gave Fourth a peck on the lips. Fourth wanted to argue with Gem, tell him that he is being ridiculous and that he should go shower while he cooks but he understood why Gem was being like this. He understood Gemini's fear, it was the same fear that penetrated his soul everyday.

The same fear that caused him to think about breaking up with his Mr handsome but weird was a good idea. So Fourth knew that this was the time to reassure one another. Reassure one another of the love they shared.

"Okay how about we take a shower together and order some Chinese food then?" Fourth suggested with a cheeky smile. "Yes. I love your way of thinking." Gemini said as he pulled Fourth closer to his body and gave him a kiss on the neck causing the other to giggle.

Fourth looked at Gemini in his eyes, they held the longing gaze. Fourth's eyes averted to Gemini's lips and he bit his bottom lip. Gemini cupped Fourth's cheek with his one hand and pulled his face closer to his before planting his lips on Fourth's. Fourth's lips were soft and warm, they parted partly allowing his tongue to slip inside. Gemini's tongue pressed between Fourth's parted lips in ticklish kitten licks making Fourth to chuckle.

"What are you doing?" Fourth asked chuckling. "This." Gemini said as he pulled Fourth closer. Their bodies pressed together heatedly against the kitchen counter, breathing heavily as their lips pressed together. Fourth could taste their shared breath, felt the thud of their combined heartbeat as they fumbled to take off one another’s clothes.

Gemini picked Fourth up and instantly Fourth hopped on to Gemini and wrapped his legs around his waist. Gemini led them both to their bedroom and gently put Fourth on the bed.

Gemini looked at Fourth beneath him. He focused on his mouth, then back to his eyes again, then back to his mouth. "Fourth" he whispered. He said Fourth's name so softly Fourth was not even sure if Gemini's mouth moved. Before Fourth could respond Gemini's hand slid through his hair at the same moment as his lips connected fiercely with his. Gemini slid his body on top of Fourth's, and his kiss instantly became intense. Deep. Dominating. Gemini's kiss was full of feeling. Full of hope. Full of assurance.  Assurance that Fourth was his and only his.

"Mine" Gemini whispered on Fourth's lips. "Yours" Fourth responded before grabbing the back of Gemini's head tugging his hair bringing him closer to him deepening their kiss.

Needless to say they never got to the shower until much much later on that evening.
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Thank you for reading this chapter. Feedback is always appreciated and I will try to update as soon as I can. Rak na jub jub. 🌻🌞