𝙨𝙤𝙗𝙚𝙧. •Tom Kaulitz•

7

After the time where i stayed off school for a week, i went back the week after.

It's been 4 weeks since then and the twins haven't been in school at all. Until now. They both walk into first lesson smilling and laughing with Bills arm around Tom and a girl just following behind them grabbing onto toms arm for dear life.

"That was amazing i loved that!" Bill says excitingly. And sits down infront of me and Tom next to me with the girl on his lap, it's not the same girl as last time.

Bill turns around to look at me, "Listen Ami-" i cut him off,

"Amelia." I need to stop cutting people off when they speak.

"whatever, I'm speaking to you after class, i don't care what you have to say." Before i can reply he turns back to the front and i can hear the girl giggling next to me while Tom kisses her neck.

"i'm going for a cig." I mumble to myself and start walking out the class room but get interrupted by my teacher, i have a habbit of walking out of class just to go smoke but i guess today is not the day.

"Not today miss, turn back around." She points her finger behind me, i groan and sit back down, crossing my arms.

"well that was unlucky" the girl on Toms lap laugh lightly,

"shut the fuck up" i reply back, not even looking at her.

"Don't speak to her like that." Tom says firmly, and he pinches my arm.

"Don't touch me?" I move my arm away and pretend like i'm listening in class.

Finally class has ended and Tom is obviously already out with the girl, and Bill stops me from walking out.

He starts to speak while putting his books in his bag, "Listen, i didn't do anything to you, and i am quite upset that you didn't recognise us when you got here or even let us speak to introduce ourselves again. But i never said any messed up shit to you so don't take your anger out on me too when it's just Tom." He pauses, when he zips his bag up and puts it on his shoulder then looks at me, "I really missed you Ami, i want us to be friends again, best friends. You mean a lot to me, we've known each other since we were basically babies. I know Tom is a dick, you know how he's like. His anger issues and everything. I tried calling you everyday when we were on tour but you blocked my number. And I know what he said was really messed up but please don't take it out on me, okay?"

I guess now i know where they've been the past 4 weeks. I take in what he's said i have been a bitch towards Bill too when it's just Tom. I love Bill, he's so sweet towards me and he was always there for me when Tom would always smack my ice cream out my hand as kids, Bill would give me his saying, "Don't worry we've got plenty in the house!" His smile is absolutely so sweet and i really did miss him.

"I'm really sorry Bill. I know i shouldnt have taken it out on you, but it really pissed me off." I scan my pockets so see if i have a lighter, just to make sure, then i continue speaking, "i never knew you were trying to call me, i'll unblock your number when i get home, i'm so sorry Bill. I missed you." I give him a small smile and he gives me one back. I'm glad i finally talked to him about this becaue i have been debating it for the past week, i just hate being the bigger person and doing the first move.

"I would really love it if you came by one day again, or even to rehearsal with me! We can go get ice cream from that beach again, oh my gosh we can even go to our treehouse! it's still there after all these years." We walk together out the classroom and he starts listing all the things we can do again, to relive our childhood memories.

I missed this.
—

I've just gotten home and i unblock Bills number. I need to smoke. I go through my weed drawer and get out a joint and start smoking it out my window and i let it out once i've finished smoking.

I hear my dad come home and i quickly throw the end but out my window and spray perfume to get rid of the smell, i quickly place it back down when i hear him come into my room.

"Ami what do you-" He stops and sniffs, "why does it smell like weed?!" he looks around my room and sees my weed drawer open, oh shit.

"co to kurwa jest?!(what the fuck is this?!" He storms towards the drawer and i quickly shut it.

"Nothing just my books!" I panic. i cant let him find out. I'm absolutely dead!

"It smells like fucking weed!! You're smoking!" He yanks the drawer open and it hits me on the side of the thigh, i move to the side quickly and groan in pain.

"Amelia you're a fucking disgrace! You know what happened to your mother, i don't need to relive this again!!" He grabs the glass of water i had beside my bed and smashes it on the wall next to me, the glass smashing everywhere and even some bits hitting my face and i hiss at the pain. This is the first time i've ever seen him this mad ever since my mum.

"That's not mine!! I don't smoke dad!" I try to save myself, feeling my cheek and seeing some blood.

"Dad please believe me i don't smoke! Please" I raise my voice a little, trying to sound convincing. I'm panickin, I cant breathe properly. I haven't had a panic attack since the arguement my dad had with my mum about this.

"I seen the times you come home late! Drunk and fucking stoned Amelia! I swear to fucking god if i see you smoking one more fucking time i'm actually going to kill you!" he yells right in my face, My vision starts to go blurry. He slams the door then the front door meaning he left. And now i'm crying.

I slide down the wall and sit on the floor, accidentally sitting on some of the glass and i cry. I cry until dont even have the energy.

My dad has never gotten this violent towards me, i was always a daddy's little girl to him, the innocent sweet girl. Maybe not so innocent and sweet, but he always thought i was. Seeing my only family member scream at me like this, for something i have done, i've tried to stop. Tried to stop for many years now, but i cant. I'm addicted to it, to the feeling of not having full control over my body. The feeling where nothing matters to a couple of hours. I just want someone i can always count on. Who will help me. I need help.