Beauty Of Love

BROKEN HEART

It all started to make sense now why my father flew all the way back here from Rome.

My father William worked as an art director and he was really good at it too thanks to the many years he'd been dedicated to working hard so he had went on a business trip to Rome about a month ago. He was to be there for two months so we were expecting him to come back this month, but later this month.

I was really glad to see him though, I just never had the time or couldn't show how much I missed him because of the new complications that have arisen.

I was really getting weary of this hospital all I wanted was to go home, but I couldn't because the doctors wanted to run more tests on me and I had a feeling I was gonna be stuck there for days. If it was up to me I would've long gone home.

Two more days pass by with me still in the hospital, stuck with my thoughts, that place was really begining to depress me, and the food, well I'm not a fan of their food.

I was gonna die of boredom before I could this of this heart disease. The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

Fortunately my doctor came in with my mom and dad present telling us I could finally go home. He gave me some medications to take every day and adviced me to start earting healthy from then on.
Oh and I was to go to the hospital every fridays for check ups.

This was my life now, my short life, taking medications every single day and having to visit the hospital every week. How fun my life turned out to be. (sarcastically)

We finally got home after a short drive from the hospital and things were, I don't know... a little bit uneasy? I mean you just found out your only son is going to die sooner than expected how can you comfort him, how will you find the right words to comfort him when you also need to be comforted, when you took the news even more badly than your son.
I also didn't know what to say.

Quarter to nine

Everyone left for sleep and I went to my room and opened my phone after 5 days of not touching it, first thing I saw were 20 missed calls, 20!
And they were all from Larisa.

I opened whatsapp and I found a bunch of massages from my friends asking if I'm alright and of course some were from Larisa, about 8 of them, I sensed she was really worried and at the same time angry at me.

I responded to all the messages telling them I'm okay and everything's fine now, I responded to all of them except for Larisa.

I wanted to but I didn't know how to, do I tell her the truth or do I not? But the truth will crush her, we've only started dating recently and we were head over hills in love with each other and now I have to tell her this... a strong controversy was going on in my head, how am I even going to tell her such news? I questioned myself with tears in my eyes laying down on my bed in the dark.

Why does this have to happen to me and why now? Why now when I've finally found happiness? Why now when I've finally found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with? After 19 of being so unfortunate with love now that I've found it this choses to come to pass?

Maybe it is true after all, maybe I really am not the type of person deserving of love.

And before I knew it I was questioning my believe in God. My mind was in a fucked up place.

Maybe if all this was happening before I fell in love I wouldn't take the news as hard as I'm taking them now.

Why is God going this to me? Is there even a God?

Fuck I ended up accepting it all, I'm gonna die, and I still don't know what I'm going to tell my girlfriend.

Maybe I can tell her tomorrow, I thought to myself, yes, tomorrow.

That had to be the most devastating night of my life, I've never had thoughts haunt me as much as they did that night with tears all over my face like that.
I even lost the vitality to look at my phone any longer.

Half past one

As soon as I was about to put it away a phone call got in, she probably saw me online and decided to call.

A glanced at it ringing with watery eyes and a thousand thoughts in my head, then decided to turn it off and closed my eyes with the need to fall asleep.