Beauty Of Love

MOMENT OF WEAKNESS

Life seemed to have no meaning at all.

Because it doesn't matter how long we live, or how much we accomplish, at the end of the day we all have the same fate, fate that is inevitable, some see it as a beautiful thing and some see it as a tragedy, and I, I'm not sure, I guess for me it was in between, I saw death as both a beautiful thing and a tragedy.

My eyes had turned blue, nothing seemed to really matter anymore, that cheerful full of life Kyle had died, all I could see was grey and white, anyone could see the blueness of my life simply by having a glimpse of my eyes.

That is the most painful thing a human can ever experience, the most painful thing more than death, is dying before you could actually really die.

After days of not responding and interecting with anyone, one particular message showed up from the top of my phone, it's a message from Precious.

Starring at it with my dull eyes and a bowl of oatmeal on the table I clicked on it.

"I'm sorry about the other night..." the message read.

For the first time after days of not sending anybody a message I strangely responded to Precious.

"It's cool, don't worry about it."

"Are you okay though, you know I know you too well and I can sense that something's wrong, what's wrong?" She sent another text.

Damn. As much as I don't want to admit it she really did know me, she knew me well.

And out of nowhere I had a moment of weakness, I don't know what happened but the next thing I knew I had sent her a long as fuck paragraph telling her about what happened, what's happening to me.

I regreted it afterwards, but she already saw the message I couldn't unsend it.

I had a feeling she didn't know how to respond to it, it showed she had been typing for a while like she was writhing a whole freaking essay.

It made me think how Larisa would react if I were to tell her what's going on, that's one of the reasons I never told her, even though deep down it was ripping me into pieces, not responding to her messages and calls caused me a really tremendous heart break but I had no other choice, I had to.

Not being able to tell her and avoiding her was probably the main thing generating the greatest depression in me because I genuinely cared a lot about her and loved her with all my heart, my life. I'd give anything just to see her smile. I'd sacrifice anything just to see her cute smile.

But I guess it's true what they say, love can be cruel.

I learned that the hard way.

"Oh wow, I'm really sorry."

After all that time typing that's all she had to say... really...

Oh well. I didn't respond back.

The next morning I wake up to another message from her.

"I'm sorry about that, I had no idea how to react, I was too hurt."😭💔

I immediately responded by saying "it's cool don't worry about it, I understand."

I got off the bed late so when I went to the dining room I realised I was alone, both my parents had left for work my father went to his usual work before going to Rome, so like my usual mornings I made myself a bowl of cereals, I contemplated between having oatmeal or cornflakes, or maybe even noodles? Nope, still too early for that, I went with oatmeal, set on the couch and watched anime, a sad but really interesting anime called "Blood-C."

About five minutes into the anime I heard Luna bark twice then a knock sounded on the door. It couldn't be Andrew nor Liam that's not how they knock.

I put the oatmeal bowl on the table and proceeded to check who was at the door.

"Hi," a low tone sounded as I opened the door, it's Precious.

"Hey," I responded in a bit of a shock. What is she doing here, why's she here, I never expected her to come here. I wasn't expecting anybody.

We stood there in silence for a few seconds then invited her in.

She sat on the couch opposite to mine.

"You know I'm always here for you right, I care about you a lot, a lot more than you think I do," she said with concern in her tone and all over her face.

"You can tell me anything," she said again in concern.

I felt the moment of weakness I did when I sent her that message, why is this happening again? I felt the need to vent and pour out all my feelings to her.

That's right, when we were together, when we were still fuck buddies, I did care about her a lot, not only was she able to turn me on just by thinking about her but it was a bit more than that, I genuinely cared for her, and maybe liked her a bit.

And I still really do care about her, maybe that's why I felt weak and talking about my problems to her, it's because I still care about her and I know she really does care about me too. Otherwise she wouldn't be here right now.

"Thank you, a lot," I made reply while my direction faced towards the TV.

"When did you find out about this?"

I turned the TV volume down and suddenly my sentiments flare out, I told her everything, that it was a few weeks back the time I was addmitted to the hospital when I fainted while eating out with my college friends, I told her everything from then till now.

It was too much for her.

I saw her eyes full of tears she was fighting so hard not to let out.

Her facial expression literally made me feel like crying, seeing her like that hurt me a lot.

She wiped her eyes with her left arm and stood up slowly and came to sit on the couch I was on right besides me, just a few inches from me and I turned to face her, we gazed into each other's sad eyes.

"Have you told your girlfriend about this?" she asked with her voice coming out as a mere whisper.

What do you think about this chapter really? How'd you feel while reading it?